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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

His ex kissed him- WWYD

115 replies

wwyd200 · 30/05/2021 12:54

I need some advice as I'm not sure if I should forget about it or not. I don't live with my boyfriend but we have a 5 month old together. Yesterday he met up with a few of his friends and they had a few drinks (he wasn't drunk as he was messaging me normally last night). This morning he messaged me and told me that he didn't know his ex was going to be there until he went. He told me that she kissed him and kept trying to hold his hand (apparently he moved) and that she sat on his lap and he felt too awkward to tell her to move.

I haven't replied to him yet as I'm annoyed but I'm not sure if I'm BU and should just forget about it. Wwyd?

OP posts:

diddl · 30/05/2021 16:41

He could always have left...

Original poster

wwyd200 · 30/05/2021 16:45

I don't really know the friends he was with so I can't ask them. I'm not sure if to believe him or what to do next as I trusted him, I know his ex wants him back (she messaged him before saying she missed him but he showed me straight away and he's blocked her now).

OP posts:

MaMelon · 30/05/2021 16:48

I’d dump him and find myself a better boyfriend who doesn’t a)lie his arse off and b)treat me like I’m stupid.

Plenty more fish in the sea - catch one who deserves you.

Sometimesfraught82 · 30/05/2021 16:51

she sat on his lap and he felt too awkward to tell her to move.

Yuck
Just absolutely gross

chickenyhead · 30/05/2021 16:53

How did she just happen to know where he would be?

I always suspect men who tell you up front like this, pretending they couldn't help it.

He is testing the waters to see how much he can get away with. He will still be in contact with her.

You deserve better

PixieDust28 · 30/05/2021 16:54

I think for your own sake you need to dump him.

Being with someone who let his ex sit on his lap because he felt too awkward to tell her to get off yet he quite happily hurt your feelings and completely disregarded you doesn't make sense.

He allowed all of this but don't allow him to treat you like a mug. Better yet message the ex and ask her version of events.

Original poster

wwyd200 · 30/05/2021 17:06

@PixieDust28

I think for your own sake you need to dump him.

Being with someone who let his ex sit on his lap because he felt too awkward to tell her to get off yet he quite happily hurt your feelings and completely disregarded you doesn't make sense.

He allowed all of this but don't allow him to treat you like a mug. Better yet message the ex and ask her version of events.

I would ask his ex but I'm not sure if she'd lie. He messaged me again asking if I'm ok but I haven't replied (he doesn't know I've seen it).

OP posts:

Seesawmummadaw · 30/05/2021 17:10

Tell him it’s fine because the same happened with your ex last week, see how he reacts!

He wouldn’t let a stranger so close to him so why his ex?

He has shown zero respect for you and your baby.

Why didn’t you go just out of interest?

fairytwinkletastic · 30/05/2021 17:11

Speaking as an over the hill old madam I don't think he's telling the truth I'm sorry. He sounds like he's running home with his version before anyone else does. It's obviously your call, please consider the following though. If he's done it once, he really will do it again in my experience and you need to focus on you and the baby. If he isn't trustworthy get rid.

Seesawmummadaw · 30/05/2021 17:11

Also he was messaging you last night but didn’t mention it until this morning? Maybe he was enjoying it and now needs to tell you before he does.

JemimaJoy · 30/05/2021 17:17

He has a 5 month old with you and doesn´t live with you? Wow. Sounds like a respectful guy.

Going on nights out getting drunk with his ex and leaving you with the baby. Also, sounds great.

Maybe smart enough to tell you he´s sober and she kissed him, before you can hear from anyone else that he was kissing his ex.

Anyone can pretend they´re sober in a text message for goodness sake.

SheldonesqueEstDansLaGalaxie · 30/05/2021 17:17

Damage limitation.

You will no more get the truth from both of them than you would get milk from a lemon.

seriouslystressedoutmama · 30/05/2021 17:23

So he's out there acting single and you're at home with the 5 month old baby while dads out cheating but he didn't do anything wrong because it was awkward?

waitingforthenextseason · 30/05/2021 17:27

He has zero respect for you. He should have dumped her out of his lap or called her out loudly to move. He didn't do either. He picked her feelings over yours, if his version is even accurate.

MadMadMadamMim · 30/05/2021 17:28

@seriouslystressedoutmama

So he's out there acting single and you're at home with the 5 month old baby while dads out cheating but he didn't do anything wrong because it was awkward?

This.

I'd text him telling that as far as I was concerned the relationship was now over and he was welcome to allow as many women as he liked to sit on his lap and kiss him.

If he's old enough to be a father he's old enough to tell women to leave him alone because he's in a relationship.

MsDogLady · 30/05/2021 17:34

His agenda is damage control because he and his Ex were kissing and snuggling in public. His claim that he felt too awkward to tell her to get up is ludicrous. They were making a mockery of you.

Leave them to it and move on.

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 30/05/2021 17:50

How old is everyone in this scenario?

Snowstorming · 30/05/2021 18:15

I don’t usually comment on posts like this but I have one question.

If you’d been out with your friends and your ex kissed you and sat you down on his lap but you were too embarrassed to stop it, how would your boyfriend react?

Peach01 · 30/05/2021 18:38

@wwyd200

Even if you do believe him, if he is telling the truth, it just isn't good enough. He needs to know that there are lines that cannot ever be crossed as it will jeopardise his relationship. He has allowed it to cross a line. He shouldn't be in a position where his ex can kiss him, hold his hand and sit on his lap. Even if he hasn't instigated this he's allowed himself to be in a position with this girl repeatedly over the one night. He could've and should've put a stop to this. It went too far.

OneMamaAndHerGirl · 30/05/2021 18:53

He’s got in there first, before anyone else tells you the real story. They kissed each other, he enjoyed her sitting on his lap. No one would randomly go and sit on someone’s lap, I’d be messaging her for her version of events

Regularsizedrudy · 30/05/2021 18:57

Oh come on op. Don’t be a mug.

Fieldsofstars · 30/05/2021 19:31

‘ and that she sat on his lap and he felt too awkward to tell her to move’

But it’s not awkward at all to be telling you any of this? Right...
What a prick. Move along...

IsThePopeCatholic · 30/05/2021 19:51

Op, he’s running scared. Ditch the loser.

spotcheck · 31/05/2021 07:37

@wwyd200

This makes it worse.

He KNEW what his intentions are and STILL let her close all evening. I'm assuming she was there as part of the group? Or ended up as part of the group? How else could she continuously try to kiss him and hold his hand?

He can take the bold step of blocking her, but not tell her that he's with you now?

Nope, it all stinks

Original poster

wwyd200 · 31/05/2021 09:12

He told me that he didn't tell me on Saturday as he was tired. He said he did tell her to get off once but she wouldn't so he felt awkward saying it again. Apparently, she made him feel uncomfortable for the whole time and when she tried to kiss him he moved away from her. I just don't know if I should believe him or not.

OP posts:

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