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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

His ex kissed him- WWYD

115 replies

wwyd200 · 30/05/2021 12:54

I need some advice as I'm not sure if I should forget about it or not. I don't live with my boyfriend but we have a 5 month old together. Yesterday he met up with a few of his friends and they had a few drinks (he wasn't drunk as he was messaging me normally last night). This morning he messaged me and told me that he didn't know his ex was going to be there until he went. He told me that she kissed him and kept trying to hold his hand (apparently he moved) and that she sat on his lap and he felt too awkward to tell her to move.

I haven't replied to him yet as I'm annoyed but I'm not sure if I'm BU and should just forget about it. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 31/05/2021 09:13

I think op the answer is not. Clearly. He’s lying through his teeth.

SmokeyDevil · 31/05/2021 09:19

@tentosix

Forget it. He told you the truth immediately so that you wouldn't get a skewed view from someone else. It wasn't his choice and he tried to move away.

If you hear (honest, reliable) people say it was him coming in to her, maybe rethink it.

What if he's just told her a lie so she hopefully won't believe the other people, because their love is so strong others are jealous?

Come on he didn't mind his ex kissing him and sitting on him. He just knows he's going to get dumped if his girlfriend finds out he's a cheating twat.

And you'd only maybe rethink it if you found out your partner did this? Sweetheart you need some stronger boundaries, anyone deserves better than that.

SmokeyDevil · 31/05/2021 09:23

@wwyd200

He told me that he didn't tell me on Saturday as he was tired. He said he did tell her to get off once but she wouldn't so he felt awkward saying it again. Apparently, she made him feel uncomfortable for the whole time and when she tried to kiss him he moved away from her. I just don't know if I should believe him or not.
He could have pushed her off. If she got hurt that's her own fault for being a twit.
Ughmaybenot · 31/05/2021 10:42

He’s so full of shit. Don’t let him make a fool of you any longer OP.

MrsBobDylan · 31/05/2021 10:45

Even if he was blind drunk it wouldn't be unacceptable.

VettiyaIruken · 31/05/2021 13:32

Oh please. I'd dump him for thinking I'm more stupid than cabbage.

Get off. Get up. Stop. Get off, I'm leaving/going to the loo/ going to the bar.

Someone saw them. This is damage limitation.

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 31/05/2021 13:53

It sounds like he's worrying you will find out so he's telling you first.

I'd be angry with him allowing her to sit in his lap never mind the kiss

ZenNudist · 31/05/2021 14:04

You absolutely should not believe him. The fake honesty is to give him deniability. Blaming her is a joke. He should take responsibility for his actions. I'd be upset about letting her sit on his knee. If it were just that then I'd let it go but coupled with kissing her it shows its not over between them. He's willing to cheat on you. Good you found out now before you moved in together. Shame you had a baby with him.

I know you don't want to break up. At the very least you should suggest splitting. See if He goes running for her. I reckon the first opportunity he gets he will get together with her.

Viviennemary · 31/05/2021 14:08

I think I'd say lets have a proper mature relationship or split up.

Fuckitfuckit · 31/05/2021 14:33

Oh, what a good man he is, not trying to let this woman who he didn't want, to hold his hand, sit on his lap and kiss him.
Absolutely gentlemanly behaviour to his ex, whilst disrespecting the relationship with the mother of his young child.

...and that's the positive spin!

The entirely more likely situation is that something is going on. More than you've been lead to believe.
I've been a desperate ex who wanted to get back with someone, but even then I can't imagine myself turning up on a night out my ex was having with his mates, holding his hand, kissing him, and sitting on his lap.
Even thinking of that scenario opens up more questions, where were his mates? Anyone else know a group of young men to allow an uninvited woman to come in, crash the party and start draping herself all over one of them? Certainly not the men I know.

Unless she's a very unhinged and desperate woman, this categorically did not happen remotely as he's told you.

And, it does seem unlikely they were just at the same place at the same time for this to have happened.

A co-incidence + your partner being too gentlemanly to tell someone to stop before it escalated seems all too convenient for me.

Seesawmummadaw · 31/05/2021 14:51

How are you doing @wwyd200

CagneyNYPD · 31/05/2021 14:52

If she really did sit on his lap without permission, he had a very easy way out. He could have told her that he really needed the loo, got up and then stand up/lean on am arm rest etc. He chose to stay seated with her on his lap because he was enjoying the attention.

He reminds me of the ex boyf I had between the ages of 17-21. In our last year together, there were lots of little incidents such as coming home from a night out with what looked likea love bite on his neck. Told me he got whacked on the neck in the mosh pit and it was a bruise. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Many times. Until he really did the dirty on me, publically. That was 25 years and a lifetime ago. But I hope I can support my own dc not to be so naive.

Bathsandnaps · 31/05/2021 14:58

Oh op, I'm sorry to say I wouldn't believe him at all.
You guys are in a serious and committed relationship with a baby, it's not OK for him to not say anything for 2 days.

At worst, he's lying and covering up something, at best, he enjoyed the attention and didn't discourage it. These are covid times, you don't bump into people and sit on their laps, it's table service for a start. He's not being truthful I'm afraid.

Hope you are OK

Newkitchen123 · 31/05/2021 15:04

Given that you have a five month old child I'm guessing you've been together at least say 18 months or so. How ex is the ex? She wants to get back with him knowing that he has a child? She sounds lovely!
What if it was the other way round? What if your bf was home with the baby and your ex kissed you and sat you on his lap? How would you react? How would bf react?

If he's not lying and she genuinely made him feel uncomfortable then yes it is assault. It certainly would be considered that if it was the other way round

ThornAmongstRoses · 31/05/2021 15:10

This is such rubbish.

He should have come home when he saw her there. He didn’t “let you know straight away”, that would be him telling you about the ‘attempted kiss’ when it happened, not continuing to be with her and letting her sit on his lap.

Everyone knows he taking you for a mug OP, and I think you know it too.

JSL52 · 31/05/2021 15:11

He's lying.

Aprilwasverywet · 31/05/2021 15:25

I didn't live with the df of my ds until the baby was 14 months old... Went on a night out with a friend and saw him standing with an ex...accidentally bumped into her..
Ordered a pint of lager and blackcurrant and poured it over his head.
Not my finest moment but no regrets.
Our relationship never recovered.
No trust and no respect..
Ultimately op decide if he will ever change. I bet the answer is no.
Make plans to claim Cms and make contact arrangements for your ds
..

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 31/05/2021 15:41

@tentosix

Forget it. He told you the truth immediately so that you wouldn't get a skewed view from someone else. It wasn't his choice and he tried to move away.

If you hear (honest, reliable) people say it was him coming in to her, maybe rethink it.

More like he made up a lie incase anyone else told you the truth.
wwyd200 · 31/05/2021 16:12

He was with his ex for a few months before we got together (we've been together for almost 2 years). And at first they were friends but then she wanted to get back with him so he blocked her.

Apparently his friends invited his ex as well but he didn't know until he got there.

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 31/05/2021 16:15

A friend wouldn't do that.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 31/05/2021 16:16

Do you really want to be in a relationship with a man who is so cowardly he can't tell someone to get off his lap?!

It was more important to him not to upset her or make things awkward than it was to avoid hurting your feelings or acting inappropriately.

It all sounds very teenage and considering you've got a child everyone needs to grow up a bit I think.

He needs to find his big boy words if he's in a situation like that "I said can you move off my lap, thanks" or get up and physically move... not really hard to avoid the situation is it?! So he's either lying or an absolute wuss.

Seesawmummadaw · 31/05/2021 16:17

Were you invited to the bbq?

MiddlesexGirl · 31/05/2021 16:22

Mumsnet is like a parallel universe sometimes where no-one trusts that a man can tell the truth sometimes.
If your relationship is otherwise good and you've not had reason to doubt him up till now, why throw it away on a guilty until proven innocent incident?
I'd ask DP to make clear to his 'friends' that if the ex turns up anywhere he is again then he will be leaving. Don't give her the opportunity to put him in awkward situations.

Sometimesfraught82 · 31/05/2021 16:23

@MiddlesexGirl

Mumsnet is like a parallel universe sometimes where no-one trusts that a man can tell the truth sometimes. If your relationship is otherwise good and you've not had reason to doubt him up till now, why throw it away on a guilty until proven innocent incident? I'd ask DP to make clear to his 'friends' that if the ex turns up anywhere he is again then he will be leaving. Don't give her the opportunity to put him in awkward situations.
He felt too uncomfortable to tell a woman to not sit on his lap?

Seriaouly?

wwyd200 · 31/05/2021 16:40

I didn't go as I had to look after DS and I don't know his friends.

OP posts: