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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says I'm controlling

107 replies

allthegoodusersaretaken · 30/05/2021 09:46

DD 16 told us the other day that she wanted to go to her school's sixth form instead of college. This was the first we'd heard of it - she applied to the college in December, got accepted and had an interview, all went well as far as I know. I told her she shouldn't go to sixth form until she's at least tried college (school have said she can come back after a week or 2 at college if she doesn't like it, but she can't go back to college if she doesn't like sixth form), but DH says I'm being controlling and we should let her choose as she's 16. AIBU to say she at least has to try college?

OP posts:
redastherose · 30/05/2021 14:33

Let your daughter decide for herself, she's old enough to make this sort of decision for herself.

UserAtRandom · 30/05/2021 14:49

Her reasons are just as valid as yours IMO.
Is Welsh her first language?

cocoloco987 · 30/05/2021 14:53

Surely she can do 6th form then college/uni is an option for next year? Even if not for some reason then it's absolutely her choice

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 30/05/2021 14:54

Her decision defines so I agree with your DH. This impacts her future life so has to be her choice.

Serialcatmum · 30/05/2021 14:58

I assume her school had a career information and guidance counsellor? I’d suggest she has a session as they can support her to look at her options and make an informed decision.
FYI I am a qualified CIAG advisor and this is exactly what I’m paid to do as per of my role 👍🏻
Also, sorry you’re being controlling. It’s not your decision to make.

Original poster
allthegoodusersaretaken · 30/05/2021 15:05

Is Welsh her first language?

No, DH and I speak no Welsh

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 30/05/2021 15:09

Having a larger class size is not a plus for further education? Not sure why you think that it is.....

imumme · 30/05/2021 15:12

"Having a larger class size is not a plus for further education? Not sure why you think that it is....."

It can be - depending on the size of the class and the nature of the subject.

I've taught classes of 3 before (school sixth form) and the classes were just too small to get a good discussion going. IME class sizes of 8-15 are ideal for A level.

pointythings · 30/05/2021 15:22

immumme I just asked DD2 who has just finished A levels and all her classes were in that range. She did Biology, History and Psychology - a lot of scope for debate in the latter two, some in the first. She feels bigger would have diluted the scope for debate where everyone could have a voice.

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/05/2021 15:36

@imumme

I’m now further confused because 8-15 is a small class size in my experience. And yes, 3 would be tiny. But that could be OPs situation?

I was thinking OP was comparing a class of 8-15 with a large class of 25-30?

Enko · 30/05/2021 15:38

Because college gets much better results and is focused only on sixth form.

That is the conversation you should have introduced not a blanket ban.

At 16 she gets a say and you need to communicate with her on an adult level. Express your concerns and worries. Ask her how she feels she can overcome them ask and LISTEN to her reasons.

diddl · 30/05/2021 15:48

Does she know what she wants to do after A levels?

If so would there be any advantage/disadvantage to studying in Welsh?

BetterThanKleenex · 30/05/2021 16:00

Your DH is right. Those reasons are crap- she'll flourish where she's happy. Smaller class sizes are always better for learning and they won't limit discussion/debate.

MacCoffee · 30/05/2021 16:07

It’s not up to you OP.

Your job as her mum is to support and guide, but ultimately to let her learn to make her own decisions, even if they aren’t the ones you’d make for her. Even if they appear to be mistakes. Her life is hers to decide.

Your job as a parent (certainly at this age) is to support her in it, not control her in it.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 30/05/2021 16:12

Absolutely not upto you, it's upto your daughter. Your DH is right on this

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/05/2021 16:16

The main point that jumped out at me from her list was:

She thinks she'd do better with smaller classes

Surely she is the best person to judge this?

It's entirely up to her and you should be supporting her, not trying to get her to do want YOU want her to do. For whatever reasons.

She is old enough to make this decision for herself.

UserAtRandom · 30/05/2021 17:06

I've taught classes of 3 before (school sixth form) and the classes were just too small to get a good discussion going. IME class sizes of 8-15 are ideal for A level.

I would imagine it would be vanishingly rare for a state school to run a class of 3. I don't think DS's school will run a Post 16 class with fewer than 10.

UserAtRandom · 30/05/2021 17:09

If Welsh is not her first language I can't see why she would need to swap back to English medium at sixth form stage. There's surely no need to assume she will find it harder to learn in English at higher education stage (if that's what she wants to do )? If anything I imagine another 2 years' learning in Welsh is likely to thoroughly cement it as a second language, which can only be desirable.

joystir59 · 30/05/2021 17:13

She's old enough to get married ffs. Let her be.

Snoozer11 · 30/05/2021 17:14

@UserAtRandom

I've taught classes of 3 before (school sixth form) and the classes were just too small to get a good discussion going. IME class sizes of 8-15 are ideal for A level.

I would imagine it would be vanishingly rare for a state school to run a class of 3. I don't think DS's school will run a Post 16 class with fewer than 10.

Depends on the subject. Further maths, physics and chemistry may have only half a dozen or so students.

Something like psychology will have a much larger class size.

WheeshtYerMansplaining · 30/05/2021 17:16

@allthegoodusersaretaken

Is Welsh her first language?

No, DH and I speak no Welsh

So she doesn't really need to 'transition back to English' if it's all you speak at home?
Coldwine75 · 30/05/2021 17:53

Its her choice, let her go to 6th form! My dd same age decided to quit her course and start afresh in Sept at a new college, we were a little shocked at first but discussed with her and respect her wishes.

Castlepeak · 30/05/2021 18:06

It’s not being controlling to have strong opinions about her educational path. If I were her parent, should be attending whichever option in your local area the “best” students choose. I have never hidden from my child that I am doing everything I can to make sure she can at least stay in the socio-economic position in which she has grown up. I’ve taught her about how it took hard work to get here, but how much easier our lives are compared to other paths. Sadly, Covid has been an incredibly powerful illustration of this point.

Coldwine75 · 30/05/2021 18:07

Ignore the ones with the best results, as places go up and down all the time, the most important thing is they are happy and thrive, if you force her to stay at college she will probably be unhappy and drop out later on...

Grapewrath · 30/05/2021 18:12

She’s almost an adult let her make her own decisions.

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