Cheeky friend or am I being unreasonable?

[Stockholmvillage]

I need perspective as I'm pretty annoyed.
AIBU to be annoyed? I've got a friendship trio. One of my friends in the trio has been desperate to get together once lock down lifted - great.
Wanted to book afternoon tea - fine. The moment restrictions lifted she messaged us to say we need to book on that day, asap.
I was a bit stressed at this because I was working on day she kept pushing to book and also no date had been suggested.
Anyhow it transpires that my friend only wanted to do the afternoon tea on a week day and she was pushing for next week.
I replied saying I can't do next week, especially a work day without my boss signing it off. Also I don't want to give up a precious day of leave when I feel it's normal to meet friends on the weekend and we could do it then. Besides I don't have much leave left.
My friend was incredibly pissed off with this and said she can never do a weekend because she has a kid (although a weekend has never been a problem before). Sorta making it sound like she was a victim and I was wrong.
I don't have kids and this is where I'm annoyed. I feel my commitments and responsibilities are not valid or important because they're not about kids.
My friend was rude to me and made me feel like I was being difficult not to give up a days leave because she fancied a week day off.
I've been made to feel unreasonable, but am I?
The upshot is she's doing it with my other friend on a weekday without me which is a bit strange as a weekend never used to be an issue.

@Happynewtier

I have youngish kids, so mainly "available" during the week when they're at school, but I would never remotely even suggest to any of my working friends that they should take a day off work to suit my schedule!? That's absolutely crazy. We meet on a suitable weekend/evening, usually booking ourselves in weeks in advance, so childcare, and other commitments are sorted. Just assumed that was normal...?! Having kids can make socialising tricky, but so can having a full-time job, and you shouldn't be expected to be available to socialise during your working hours at short notice?!

I think it's crazy you haven't suggested it as it may well suit them better too. How do you know if you've never asked? Weekends are obviously difficult if you wait a long time to find a date

Having children is absolutely not a 'lifestyle' choice. I see this claim on MN more and more, it is ridiculous, insulting and untrue.

It is only a tiny step away from suggesting that only wealthy people should procreate and is another stick to beat women with, now that we are grasping for socially acceptable sticks!

I was given toy babies when I was a baby, women have been steered in the direction of motherhood before they can even talk.

What percentage of children were contraceptive failures? How many women have raped and sexually coerced. I was pregnant with my first child at 16. Parenthood (or not) as a lifestyle choice, is a luxury very many people don't have.

It should absolutely not be conflated with OP's friend being a dick and whatever ulterior motives the friend has going on in her life at the moment.

Has she actually been arsy with you about the fact that you can't go? Or are you just annoyed she & the other friend have opted to go ahead without you?

If she can't do a weekend she can't do a weekend - the fact that she could "before" is irrelevant, lots of peoples circumstances have changed, grandparents often vulnerable and reluctant to provide childcare to unvaccinated kids.

She is being unreasonable if she's giving you a hard time about not being free in the week. But you are being equally unreasonable if you are giving her a hard time about not being free on the weekend. Both your commitments etc are equally valid, if you can't meet you can't meet, and no one should be holding a grudge about that or about sometimes missing things scheduled with other friends at times you can't make.

I didn't choose the pandemic. I didn't choose to close the schools. I didn't choose to have to keep my children at home for 6 months and be responsible for their education as well as general survival and development. I certainly didn't choose to be forced to work from home at the same time

@Auntycorruption and these are all the reasons why lockdown was hell for you. I still don’t see why you felt the need to say this in OUTRAGED CAPITAL LETTERS to the op like she should be only delighted to do extra work and be messed around with her work hours to facilitate you. Why didn’t you say to her you’re so grateful people like her stepped in even if it meant disrupting their lives? Not surely because you don’t deem her or her time important as she doesn’t have children?

@Velvian A very tiny minority of children are conceived through rape or coercion. While I agree children are not a lifestyle choice they are in the vast majority of cases a choice and it is fair that your colleagues wouldn't want to take responsibility for that choice.

I'm not sure what my colleagues have to do with anything.

If we're on the subject of colleagues, I often cover for 2 colleagues with elderly parents, I mean, they could choose not to help them and arrange residential care, but I tend not to suggest, or even think it TBH.

Neither of you are unreasonable, you don't want to take an afternoon off weekdays , she's got commitments on weekends. To be honest when my kids were small I think my h would have been a bit pissed off if I left him with the kids when he worked 50+ hours in a stressful job and I was a sahm with kids at primary school meaning I could meet friends (and did) for lunch any day. I did occasionally go out on weekends but to things that couldn't be on a weekday eg to a friends party or wedding, not afternoon tea that I could easily arrange during the week (none of my friends worked ft)

I choose to work part time, but wouldn't dream of asking/expecting friends to use up AL to meet up midweek - YANBU

However, if you're picking up more than your fair share of evening events, don't you get time off in lieu for that?