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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only invite one twin to sleepover

79 replies

brushandmop · 29/05/2021 12:17

Hi everyone,

Advice needed and hopefully can get some from mums with twins.

My DS has a good group of friends however he says he is closest to one in particular. They have similar personalities and have been friends for years. The boy my DS regards as his closest friend is a twin and both boys are part of the friendship group. We've previously always invited both boys to parties and play dates.

DS wants a sleepover at ours with the twin he is closest to but we are worried the other twin might feel left out. Space is a practical issue too. DSs room can only have one other mattress on the floor and we don't have a playroom/extra living room.

Is this something anyone else has faced or am I overthinking it? Both boys are lovely and we could have both if we had the space but DS is also only wanting to spend time with his close friend.

Thanks!

OP posts:

cupsofcoffee · 29/05/2021 12:18

It's fine - twins don't need to be joined at the hip :)

MorningTeas · 29/05/2021 12:19

It's fine, I think it's great that twins can have separate/best friends.
They don't need to do everything and go everywhere together.

MrsAudreyAlfredRobertsOBEHmm · 29/05/2021 12:19

I think you are over thinking it. Twins are allowed different friends
Good luck with the sleep over, I don't miss those days

Nothingoriginalhere · 29/05/2021 12:22

I’m not a mum with twins but I am an identical twin - it’s absolutely fine to invite just 1 twin!
We loved have separate activities/ friends/sleepovers etc - it’s a rare thing when you are a twin and really helps encourage individuality.

Wishitsnows · 29/05/2021 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AlmostSummer21 · 29/05/2021 12:22

It's fine. Twins are allowed their own friends and their own lives. They're two separate people.

Some twins don't want to do things separately though, so he might not come, but that's their choice.

Original poster

brushandmop · 29/05/2021 12:27

@Wishitsnows haha!

Thanks everyone, they do a lot of things together and usually they go on sleepovers together too (bigger houses than ours!)

But yes, of course you're right about them being separate personalities etc. I would hate to upset a child but I hadn't considered that doing something apart would be beneficial too.

OP posts:

ElizabethG81 · 29/05/2021 12:29

It really depends on the twins. One of mine does get upset if the other is invited to parties/sleepovers and he isn't. It does cause issues but equally we just have to get on with it as it's something he has to learn.

lavenderandwisteria · 29/05/2021 12:30

To be totally honest this would look bad to me.

It would be VERY different if the boys moved in separate circles, different primary classes for instance, but I think given they are in the same group of friends it looks a bit mean.

Anycrispsleft · 29/05/2021 12:30

Ask the mum? There have been times with my girls, now 9, when they wouldn't have been bothered about this and also situations where the "left out" one would have been gutted (it's better now that they are older). Is the other twin, the one that wouldn't be invited - is he aware that he's not considered as close a friend as his brother is? If that comes as a surprise he might be a bit upset. That's part of life, but it's a little bit harder to take than if it's another friend who gets picked over you, because you see your twin going off for their sleepover and you go to bed on your own. And there's no explaining it away with "your brother's older, you'll get your turn" or whatever. I think it is really nice that you're giving this some thought. It'll probably be fine. But I would ask the mum.

Rno3gfr · 29/05/2021 12:31

If you’re unsure then you can always chat to the parent of the twins to see what they think.

RightOnTheEdge · 29/05/2021 12:31

My dd is friends with an identical twin.
She had a sleepover party for her birthday and only invited the one she is friends with.
Her sister has her own friends, it's fine.
Maybe they will enjoy a night apart for a change!

lavenderandwisteria · 29/05/2021 12:32

The problem with asking the mum is that there’s only one polite answer to ‘do you mind if Oliver is invited to the sleepover, not Noah?’ it puts her on the spot a bit.

Hankunamatata · 29/05/2021 12:32

Not a mum of twins bit I think ita healthy for twins to do things separately.

Original poster

brushandmop · 29/05/2021 12:34

@lavenderandwisteria yes this is the problem. I can't recall I have ever seen one without the other. The parents requested the same class after one year they were separated and neither enjoyed it.

I will talk to the Mum who is lovely - she's aware that my DS is closer to one of her boys but it might be something they would need to talk about with their other son.

OP posts:

CrackersDontMatter · 29/05/2021 12:36

I invited one twin to a party and the other turned up as well. The invitee was a close friend of my dc and the party was by its nature numbers limited. It was a joint party for my dc and their best friend as they share a birthday. The other of the two twins had an entirely different circle of friends. It was all a bit awkward but we did have a child who was ill and cancelled on the day so there was a free spot.

IgglePiggleHater · 29/05/2021 12:37

You could always invite one then plan to invite the other one separately in a couple of months time. Children's friendship groups evolve and change so the boys may not even be friends by that point and you may not be held to it . But much less awkward to say, "We've only got room for one, so could X come this time round".

shouldistop · 29/05/2021 12:39

I think as they're in the same friendship group it could look a bit mean tbh.
How old are the boys? Unless they're over 9/10 then I'm sure they can squeeze up on the same mattress.

Nuggetnugget · 29/05/2021 12:41

100 percent talk to the mum as she is lovely you said. Explain the space etc. Maybe she might feel reluctant at first but now might be the right time for them to start having their own space and friendship groups.

christyt114 · 29/05/2021 12:42

@Wishitsnows

Unless they are siamese twins then it should be fine.

😂😂

CrazyCatsAndKittens · 29/05/2021 12:46

There is no one rule for twins. Some would be upset by this, some wouldn't.

I think you are right to check with the mum. If they are little, they probably wouldn't mind sharing a mattress.

namechangingforthis19586 · 29/05/2021 12:49

I wouldn't if they're always together.

It's not your place to decide when they branch out

This is a little chap from the same friendship group. That will in all likelihood hurt. It could cause tensions in the family and friendship group.

When you see them evolving naturally to spend time following their own interests you will not even need to ask the question.

Spaceprincess · 29/05/2021 12:49

My twins would have been upset (one more than the other), but I'd have explained they can't always do the same things and spent time with the other one at home if they wanted.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 29/05/2021 12:52

I have twins and always encouraged separate parties and play dates where possible. Occasionally one would be upset and feel left out but they have to get used to the fact they can’t do everything together. It was a good opportunity for me to have 1-1 time with the one left at home.

Original poster

brushandmop · 29/05/2021 12:53

I think sharing a mattress is a good solution but they are 9 so getting bigger! We have had a quick look at the room and we might be able to put down a small foam one with a little move a round of furniture.

OP posts:

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