I’ve had enough of the class dojo

[Myleftfoot39]

Every week one or two children win the dojo and get a prize. Some children have won it twice or three times. Today a child who defaced another child’s clothing (had written all over it in class) won it (they are in Year 2).

My ds is quiet, well behaved and works really hard. Does all his homework, is reading and writing and working hard. It’s awful but today he came out of school crying his eyes out because he thought he might win the dojo.

Even at bedtime he was upset about it.He doesn’t understand why the naughty kids get rewards but he feels ‘invisible’. He said there’s something wrong with him and is very upset.

I have reassured him and told him the dojo doesn’t matter but it really does matter to him. The teacher makes a big deal out of giving the dojo out as theres a photo of the child on the dojo for all to see.

I’m really fed up of it!!

@LovelyLadyLily

I hate things like this. I wish teachers understood that handing out one or two awards like 'Star of the Week' is exactly the same to little kids as handing out 28 'Not star of the week' awards. Is it really worth it?

In addition, my kids (and me actually) were the quiet, hardworking ones who never got noticed. Whereas the naughty kids seemed to win 'Not being a dick for 5 minutes' awards to 'encourage' them.

This was me too. I went to a challenging (ahem) secondary school and all the teachers seemed to have some complex of saving the numerous bad ones. I got through it by not drawing attention to myself in either a positive or negative way and it has stayed with me. Only now I’m older have I left some of it behind.

OP definitely speak to the school. In the meantime, is there a similar thing you can do for him at home to earn treats? To reinforce that working hard etc does have other rewards.

All of these public rewards are behaviourist bullshit and serve absolutely no purpose other than to make everyone feel like crap however they’re done.
Private, sincere praise and recognition is the only way to go about it really, if you want to be a genuinely trauma-aware school which doesn’t want to inflict distress on any child.

@Thisisus909

One of my children has special needs (with no support yet - poor him and poor other kids), can’t complete homework (totally inappropriate level) etc. His school are big into rewards and sanctions, which are proven to kill internal/intrinsic motivation.

I strongly suggest you do all you can to help remove the ‘power’ of these rewards. Seriously prioritise your child’s sense in who they are and why they do what they do. Do they work hard for praise or because it is of benefit to them? Are they kind because it’s a school rule or because it’s morally right? When the motivation is intrinsic, others can’t rob you of it. Also avoids safeguards your child from people in authority in the future who may not have their best interests at heart.

I absolutely love this advice. I wish a million times over someone had done this for me as it would have saved me from years of people pleasing. If I can do one thing for my own children, it will be to nurture their self belief and confidence in themselves. I’m going to take this advice for myself too! Thank you.

School rewards where the teacher has to chose one drive me mad.

I have a 'grey' child. Some additional needs, but not enough to qualify for help... Just special focus groups occasionally. Quiet. Hard working. You wouldn't notice if she wasn't there. Plus really low self esteem. Never hits noticed for anything.

Younger sister whose confident and outgoing.. loads of awards. Starring role in school play. Loved by everyone...

Just little things like a sticker to wonders for DD1s confidence. Or just being noticed.
Scouts does wonders for her... As diligence is rewarded because you have to meet or the criteria, or make your best effort to do so.

(I still get angry about the sports day where every child but her got a certificate at Sports Day in her class for winning an event). Her teacher asked me why she was crying and I told her... They hadn't realised. She got an award for being a good team member at assembly that week. She knew it was a consolation prize... But they did try to make amends!

Absolutely make an appointment to see the teacher and tell her how upset your son is about never winning. You can be pretty sure he’ll get the award shortly after. I know it’s ridiculous to have to do this but you will have to fight your DCs corner.

@jeanne16

Absolutely make an appointment to see the teacher and tell her how upset your son is about never winning. You can be pretty sure he’ll get the award shortly after. I know it’s ridiculous to have to do this but you will have to fight your DCs corner.

How can he be upset about never winning when there's still half a term left?

Making an appointment to say that he hasn't won yet sounds mad. Won't she just say yes, his turn will come?

Or is it that you'd rather someone else's child was last?

I feel exactly the same! Bloody star of the day which my well behaved son has had once! Pictures plastered all over ClassDojo.

Pictures of lessons on Class Dojo ... always the same children.

Parents treating ClassDojo as social media platforms.

Honestly why don't schools just ditch this??

My son is the same way, gutted when he doesn't win it.

He has additional needs and tries so hard but in a mainstream school he will never win one of these stupid things.

They don't seem to see how hard he tries just to be able to do the basic stuff.

@LeafBeetle

Honestly why don't schools just ditch this??

There must be enough evidence now that it’s not working. Children aren’t becoming better behaved in school. In the secondary schools I’ve worked in they spend a lot of time on behaviour with Y7 as they think they can behave how they want and need it drilling into them. I’ve seen a Y7 permanently excluded for doing something they were warned not to do/that they would be PE for, as he didn’t think they would actually follow through with it.

I think this thread prove that it's impossible for schools to win when it comes to rewards.

We have parents of pupils with SEN saying they'll never win as the benchmark is too high.

We have parents of 'model' pupils saying that they never win because schools are busy rewarding the naughty kids for sitting still.

We have people saying it's not fair because 'it's always the same few' and other people saying 'if everyone is going to win what's the point of it then.'

Personally, I think that there's a place for it alongside all of the other ways we motivate, support and praise pupils for their efforts but everyone needs to feel like they've got a chance and also understand that they might have to wait for it to be their turn.

Parents can help if they come home upset. Encourage them to be happy for the person who won, to congratulate them, to be one of those amazing kids who doesn't feel like someone getting something means that they're losing something. They do exist, I see them every week. The kids are so thrilled when they win, just beaming, as long as everyone gets to experience that buzz, once in a school year because there are only a certain number of weeks, I think it's worth keeping.

I had to explain to my husband that these rewards tend to only tell you what your child is shit at. So his daughter's star of the week for 'brilliant listening' is most likely because she never bloody listens. It's not that she's amazing at it at school. The teacher is trying to encourage her to actually listen.

My DS always got it right at the end of the year. His behaviour was unremarkable enough that his 'award' was definitely an afterthought. 😂

Honestly, OP, these things are just an annoyance of primary school. Especially KS1/EYFS. They get older and you never have to worry about star of the bloody week again. And the kids are totally aware that David gets loads of house points because he's a shit, not because he's been good. They're less bothered by it.

I remember this from Primary. In reception the class was quite small and so everyone got more than one turn - the "prize" was an enormous badge you could wear on your jumper for the next week. DD got it quite early in the year and then nothing whilst other kids were onto their 3rd go. I didn't say anything but she was awarded it at the end of the year, a big fuss was made of those DC who got it that week and it was said that it was for really consistently good behaviour and work all year. And she was allowed to keep the whopping badge over the summer holidays - sometimes there's a good reason for being last.

I think fishy is right. It's definitely a primary school thing. At secondary, uni, the world of work no one will give a shit about whether your kid has had a turn or not.

Certainly at secondary school, rewards for academic subjects, sport, drama etc are given on merit and there won't be a teacher trying to make sure that the average kids gets something.

I don't use it at all other than during lockdown the reward system is unfair.
Afaik our school uses daily rewards listening stickers etc.
It really isn't fair on the quiet DC my DD was quiet and timid DS is the opposite he gets a sticker for minimum effort he has SN.
I do think it is unfair.
Speak to his teacher he deserves recognition for his work.

It’s a good thing that everyone who criticising other children is 100% sure they don’t have special needs.

My son does. No reason why you would know, particularly with the attitude of many on here.

I’ve said it before, but I would really just ask you to think for a minute. I’m sorry that your children feel sad that they don’t get the award. I know that they are your priority. But, I can be fairly confident that for my child, who has few social skills and can’t regulate his emotions, who doesn’t understand why children won’t play with him and spends his time alone on the playground and out of school hours, overall life is harder than for you children; despite more rewards.

In my DD's class they have "the imposter". It seems to be based on the game Among Us. Basically at the beginning of the day one child's name is hidden in a bag and then drawn out at the end of the day. If they have been well-behaved for the whole day they get a prize, but if they haven't they don't get it. The child doesn't know if they are the imposter during the day so the idea is that they are trying to behave all day in case they are the imposter.

I'm a KS1 teacher and I think it's a pretty rubbish idea. Firstly, for young children I think the rewards and consequences for behaviour need to be pretty instant rather than just assessed at the end of the day. Secondly they don't remove children who have previously had a turn from the bag, so the same child can end up being the imposter multiple times and other children never have a turn.

I give out house points in my class. They can get them for good behaviour, effort at work or doing their homework. Then at the end of the week all the children in the winning house get a prize from the box so that it's a group of children who win rather than one or two individuals. I also keep note of which house wins each week and sometimes give out extra points to make sure that each house wins an even number of times over the term!

I don't think any behaviour system works perfectly, but it's important that those who are consistently well-behaved are not forgotten.

My DD is one of the awful disruptive children who apparantly doesn't deserve any praise.

Luckily her teachers see how hard she works just to be able to do the basics that the majority of her class don't give a second thought to.

@Fromwhenceshecame

It’s a good thing that everyone who criticising other children is 100% sure they don’t have special needs.

My son does. No reason why you would know, particularly with the attitude of many on here.

I’ve said it before, but I would really just ask you to think for a minute. I’m sorry that your children feel sad that they don’t get the award. I know that they are your priority. But, I can be fairly confident that for my child, who has few social skills and can’t regulate his emotions, who doesn’t understand why children won’t play with him and spends his time alone on the playground and out of school hours, overall life is harder than for you children; despite more rewards.

While I agree that parents wouldn't necessarily know about every child's SN, this kind of thinking isn't helpful at all. It's not about life being more or less hard for some children and compensating for that. Telling a 6/7 year old to just be glad he's got the social skills to have friends isn't useful to him or to the child with no friends (who can be resented because he gets extra rewards as a result).

Tbh, so many of these behaviour management systems are just not fit for purpose. They can have all sorts of unintended effects and are riddled with unfairness and unintended biases.

@Fromwhenceshecame

It’s a good thing that everyone who criticising other children is 100% sure they don’t have special needs.

My son does. No reason why you would know, particularly with the attitude of many on here.

I’ve said it before, but I would really just ask you to think for a minute. I’m sorry that your children feel sad that they don’t get the award. I know that they are your priority. But, I can be fairly confident that for my child, who has few social skills and can’t regulate his emotions, who doesn’t understand why children won’t play with him and spends his time alone on the playground and out of school hours, overall life is harder than for you children; despite more rewards.

Please don't take this thread as indicative of rl. It has surprised me too. I teach and have never come across a teacher, and only very few parents, who think like this.

Telling a 6/7 year old to just be glad he's got the social skills to have friends isn't useful to him or to the child with no friends (who can be resented because he gets extra rewards as a result).

Can you elaborate on this please, because I really don’t understand why a 6/7 year old can’t be taught compassion. How can understanding that being neurotypical is a privilege in itself not be helpful?

Child development speaking most children only start to develop empathy age 7+.
That doesn't mean it can't be encouraged, of course, it's just you're unlikely to see it consistently and organically till then.

@Mrsfrumble

Telling a 6/7 year old to just be glad he's got the social skills to have friends isn't useful to him or to the child with no friends (who can be resented because he gets extra rewards as a result).

Can you elaborate on this please, because I really don’t understand why a 6/7 year old can’t be taught compassion. How can understanding that being neurotypical is a privilege in itself not be helpful?

Maybe we could have some compassion for the 6/7 year old who never wins despite being good all the time and is upset that the kids he sees being 'naughty' all the time get rewards and prizes that are supposedly about being 'good'.

Developmentally, that 6 year old is going to struggle to process that. But apparently he needs to be taught compassion because his life is just so much easier.

There are better ways to handle all of this than stupid points systems.

"Tbh, so many of these behaviour management systems are just not fit for purpose. They can have all sorts of unintended effects and are riddled with unfairness and unintended biases."

Not unfair and no bias if everyone gets a turn across the year.

Unintended consequence - mean spirited griping from those unable to grasp the concept of 'your turn will come' or those outraged that those less deserving - in their opinion of course despite not being in the classroom - have been rewarded ahead of their own child.

OP is upset because everyone has won except two children - as presumably she's keeping track - even though there's half a term left. Someone has got to win in the Summer term! If the rest of the class have all won there has presumably been a big mix of winners, for all different things? She just wants someone else to be last.