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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think It's weird for cousins to have the same name

97 replies

tigerbread20 · 28/05/2021 21:12

Me and SIL due within days of each other, 1 of us having a boy and 2 of us having a girl.

We chose a name for our baby, after one of my parents who died very suddenly during my pregnancy. SIL has just announced the name they have chosen for their baby and its the same name!! 1 letter difference for the boy/girl version but pronounced the same.
Honestly I'm gutted but she says it doesn't matter that they'd have the same name.
AIBU to think it's silly to have 2 cousins born within (likely) days of each other having the same name?

So as not to drip feed, we hadn't told anyone except MIL our proposed baby's name, so they didn't know before they told everyone.

OP posts:
CoffeeCakey · 28/05/2021 21:15

I get it but please name your baby the name you want. If anyone gives you stick for it explain why it is important to you and they will get it too.

Jizzonmy · 28/05/2021 21:17

If she’s said it’s ok, I would take her up on it

Original poster
tigerbread20 · 28/05/2021 21:19

I can't imagine calling my baby anything else and I can't force her to change what she calls her baby. So I guess I just have to changes her mind or I'll get used to the idea of them having the same name 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 28/05/2021 21:19

Yes it is BUT they didn't know and you're picking it because you want it to be in memory so neither of you should change it. BUT I would tell them that you've picked the same name and why. Hair as a FYI. They may keep it, they may have a 2nd choice

Holly60 · 28/05/2021 21:20

Yup if she thinks it’s fine, then a) it’s fine b) she sounds lovely and reasonable. It will be quite cute and they might also be thinking of using a nickname such as Frankie/Frank for Francis/Frances etc or you could choose a nickname to use day to day?

SleepingStandingUp · 28/05/2021 21:22

I don't think it's fair of you to try and change her mind. Just message and say "re you're message about naming the baby Jamie, I wanted to let you know we've chosen the same name since my Mom passed in January. Just wanted you to know"

Geamhradh · 28/05/2021 21:23

It's the norm in many cultures to honour grandparents for example.

EastWestWhosBest · 28/05/2021 21:23

It rather depends on how much they have to do with each other.

I have cousins I don’t know the name of, same for DH. If you are likely to spend every Sunday together it might be a problem. If you’ll just see them at weddings and funeral then less so.
I have the same name as my aunt, it’s never been a problem.

Morgan12 · 28/05/2021 21:23

Yep it's ridiculous and would never be done in my (huge) family.

Nuggetnugget · 28/05/2021 21:24

I have several cousins with the same name. Named after grandparents.

romdowa · 28/05/2021 21:24

I have a good few cousins with the same name as each other and are around the same age as well. Nobody really bats as an eye lid. They went to the same schools and everything.

ApplesandAardvarks · 28/05/2021 21:26

I don't think it's that odd but then there are a few examples in my family. I've never questioned it.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 28/05/2021 21:26

Not really. A few of my cousins have the same name, and just about every member of mine and dps extended family, on both sides are named after someone wether its uncles/aunts, cousins, grandparents. Only in recent years has it become unacceptable to give people in the same family the same names.

Original poster
tigerbread20 · 28/05/2021 21:27

Thank you, I feel a lot more rational now and whilst it's not what I'd imagined I'm sure it will be fine.
We probably see them once a month or so.
I don't want to fall out with her, she's very sweet and it's her first baby so don't want to dampen her excitement and it will be lovely to spend time together on mat leave.

OP posts:
Custardo · 28/05/2021 21:27

id change name. who wants a kid with the same name as a close family member -

TheVamoosh · 28/05/2021 21:29

My DH has three cousins who share his first name. It's very normal in countries where children are named after grandparents. (They go by their last names at family gatherings...)

babiesandmummies2020 · 28/05/2021 21:30

It's really common in some cultures. In my dad's family, all the cousins have the same names.

DariaMorgendorffer · 28/05/2021 21:30

Good attitude op. I have the same name as my cousin, and it's actually a cute bond to have with her.

CroydianSlip · 28/05/2021 21:30

I've got the same name as a cousin, born in the same year. We were both named after a grandparent and it's a well established family name. It's never caused any bother at all really, except on the phone occasionally, when I have to identify myself by who's child I am to older relatives.

bigbeatmanifesto · 28/05/2021 21:31

3 of my cousins have the same name, after our Grandad, it's never been an issue now 4 Greatgrandkids have it as a middle name too.

Soverymuchfruit · 28/05/2021 21:33

I have two cousins on my DF's side who have the same name as my DF (both named after their uncle Ihave always assumed) . My FIL's extended family have at least 3 women with the same name.

I always thought this was completely normal!

HairyHocks · 28/05/2021 21:33

My grandparents were families of normally 6-9 children each, and some traditional names were used across cousins, often more than once. If John is a common and desirable name it would be hard to avoid several uses amongst a generation of cousins which extended to 20-30 boys. It was entirely normal to have cousins with the same name, there would be several James/John/Margaret/Mary's.

WorraLiberty · 28/05/2021 21:34

I have the same name as one of my cousins, although she's 10 years older than me.

My DS and my niece's DS also have the same name.

It's never seemed weird and it's never got confusing.

PinkPomeranian · 28/05/2021 21:35

If your MIL is aware perhaps she could quietly mention your name choice and reasoning to SIL, just in case SIL would rather choose a different name? I'd worry that anything coming from you might come across as a plea to choose something different rather than a heads up. I personally would want to choose something different if I were in her position.

TheSaltLine · 28/05/2021 21:37

I've got the same name as my cousin and we were at school together too. It was fine!