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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think It's weird for cousins to have the same name

97 replies

tigerbread20 · 28/05/2021 21:12

Me and SIL due within days of each other, 1 of us having a boy and 2 of us having a girl.

We chose a name for our baby, after one of my parents who died very suddenly during my pregnancy. SIL has just announced the name they have chosen for their baby and its the same name!! 1 letter difference for the boy/girl version but pronounced the same.
Honestly I'm gutted but she says it doesn't matter that they'd have the same name.
AIBU to think it's silly to have 2 cousins born within (likely) days of each other having the same name?

So as not to drip feed, we hadn't told anyone except MIL our proposed baby's name, so they didn't know before they told everyone.

OP posts:
Sillawithans · 29/05/2021 13:28

Some of my cousins have the same name, my brother and one of my dad's brothers kids have the same name. It's not that weird as it's always been their name. Sorry for your loss op.

Rainyday4321 · 29/05/2021 13:31

My dd and her cousin have male/ female versions of the same name. Think paul / Paula. Both named after their grandmother. It’s not a problem... didn’t even occur to me.

Ipsofacto1 · 29/05/2021 13:31

@tigerbread20

I can't imagine calling my baby anything else and I can't force her to change what she calls her baby. So I guess I just have to changes her mind or I'll get used to the idea of them having the same name 🤷‍♀️
If you can’t imagine calling your baby a different name why would you even try change her mind as she likely feels the same way? She clearly has no issue with the babies having the same name so it’s not up to her to solve your problem.
DioneTheDiabolist · 29/05/2021 13:38

Thank you, I feel a lot more rational now and whilst it's not what I'd imagined I'm sure it will be fine.

Yes it will @tigerbread20.Smile All the best with all your family's pregnancies.Flowers

SadieCow · 29/05/2021 13:38

Not a problem! My (Irish) family all have a John, Michael and Noel!

Grin
CastleCrasher · 29/05/2021 13:44

My sister and I have DC with the same name, one goes by the long version, the other the shorter version. The DC love that they have it in common.

Ineverpromisedyouarosegarden · 29/05/2021 13:56

I'm Irish and have a girl first cousin with same first name and surname as me. Lots of my boy cousins also had the same names. You get used to it.

Can it be shortened to something?

Dilbertian · 29/05/2021 13:56

Of course it doesn't matter!

One of my dc has the same name as a young relative on dh's side, and another has the same name (albeit spelled differently) as a young relative on my side. It never even occurred to us that they were the same while we were discussing names. We only realised when talking to those families after the dc were born. Everyone laughed and thought it was funny or wonderful. Occasionally we'll have to say things like Dilbert's Bobby or Cousin Agatha's Bobbie for clarity. Sometimes Bobbie will say to Bobby "You were named after me, so you've got to do what I tell you", or Bobby will say "I'm your uncle, so you've got to call me Uncle Bob". It's all good-natured.

EastWestWhosBest · 29/05/2021 14:36

@ittakes2

I am sorry about your lose. We have the same name for cousins in our family due to a stepchild. The two boys just have nicknames when the family are all together.
A friend of mine had a stepdaughter with the same name has her daughter! It works ok. One is called Betty and the other Libby (not real names).
ShakeaHettyFeather · 29/05/2021 14:45

Give her a heads-up, but the kids won't have a problem with it.

I did freak out once when my dead uncle added me on Facebook. Turned out he and a cousin had both been given the same first and middle names as they were born just after their grandfather died, and the cousin was getting in touch!

x2boys · 29/05/2021 14:54

@WorraLiberty

Mind you, I come from a large Irish family where every household had a Mary or a Patrick at one time 😂
😂😂My Dad Patrick and his sister Mary are two of six siblings ,we have large Irish family too.
VeganCheesePlease · 29/05/2021 14:59

I have a brother and female cousin with basically the same name, very close in age. We don't see it as weird but in our family there's a woman in every generation basically with the same name as me, and my middle name is a family name (bit too old fashioned for first name) but myself, my auntie, my cousin and another cousins child all have the same middle name lol.

SteveArnottsWaistcoat · 29/05/2021 15:04

I think it’s far weirder when adult cousins get married!

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 29/05/2021 15:08

It did used to be very normal in most cultures to have names repeated because new babies would be named after grandparents or parents' siblings who'd died young - if anyone's done your family tree you'll probably see family names running through each side.

BluebellsGreenbells · 29/05/2021 15:12

It did used to be very normal in most cultures

Used to be normal in grandparents day as well

It’s not anymore it’s weird

Atalantea · 29/05/2021 15:14

@tigerbread20

I can't imagine calling my baby anything else and I can't force her to change what she calls her baby. So I guess I just have to changes her mind or I'll get used to the idea of them having the same name 🤷‍♀️
Did you mean you hope she changes her mind?

It really doesn't matter

eekbumbler · 29/05/2021 15:20

So you and your brother are honouring your parent in name? I don't see the issue. I certainly don't see why people are saying it's weird. What was weird was me coming home to see fb congratulations in news feed to a second cousins wife (not seen him for more than 20 yrs) she has same name as me - very rare and had named their baby same as me, rare too - hers born one day before! Well that is weird if not slightly spooky 🤣 and no, nothing was ever discussed on fb

CharlotteRose90 · 29/05/2021 15:28

You and your brother are choosing your parents name for your child I think it’s sweet. You both chose the name in private and it wouldn’t be fair to make them change it the same as it wouldn’t be fair for them to say you change it. My brother and uncle both have the same name and it’s never been a problem. The same as my grandma and auntie on my mums side. Kids get nicknames or shorten names as they grow old. Use the name and let them use it.

dottiedodah · 29/05/2021 15:35

Not really the same thing I know ,but at School had the same name as my best friend .We were known as the "2 Dotties" by everyone .no problem .Pretty /popular names will always be popular .Think of it like this ,you and DB both wanting to honour your parent .What better way to remember them?

Riverrushing21 · 29/05/2021 16:22

If you both have the same friendship circles or see the rest of the family a lot, I would choose a different name. You’ll only have to keep explaining why they have the same name and ‘no we didn’t copy them, we chose it for this reason’ over and over, as people will surely comment on it, which would really annoy me!

Confusedandshaken · 29/05/2021 16:27

Lol at this. In our family and in DH's (Irish Catholics) its normal to name first children after parents and subsequent children after grandparents/aunts/uncles/godparents. So in my family nearly every branch has a John/Sean, an Eileen and a Nicholas. In DHs family you can't move for Pat's (male and female), Rose, Margaret and Joes/Jos. FIL even has a brother Christie and a sister Christine as well as a Michael and a Michelle. It means we have to be pretty creative with nicknames and diminutives but it also gives a sense of tradition and community.

toto23 · 29/05/2021 16:35

I'm used to it in my family,

there's about 15-20 years age gap between the cousins and the oldest is always just Bob and the youngest has always been called Bob (middle name) , obviously not Bob but you get the idea.

C0nstance · 29/05/2021 16:36

It is very thoughtless of the second set of parents. But on mumsnet plenty of posters will deny this. In the real world though it's so inconsiderate to give grandpatents two grandchildren with the same name

C0nstance · 29/05/2021 16:38

@Confusedandshaken

Lol at this. In our family and in DH's (Irish Catholics) its normal to name first children after parents and subsequent children after grandparents/aunts/uncles/godparents. So in my family nearly every branch has a John/Sean, an Eileen and a Nicholas. In DHs family you can't move for Pat's (male and female), Rose, Margaret and Joes/Jos. FIL even has a brother Christie and a sister Christine as well as a Michael and a Michelle. It means we have to be pretty creative with nicknames and diminutives but it also gives a sense of tradition and community.
About 150 years ago this might have been normal in Ireland. It isn't normal now and hasnt been for generations
motogogo · 29/05/2021 16:41

Assuming it's something like Alexander/Alexandra, within the family one can be Alex, one Ally