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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think It's weird for cousins to have the same name

97 replies

tigerbread20 · 28/05/2021 21:12

Me and SIL due within days of each other, 1 of us having a boy and 2 of us having a girl.

We chose a name for our baby, after one of my parents who died very suddenly during my pregnancy. SIL has just announced the name they have chosen for their baby and its the same name!! 1 letter difference for the boy/girl version but pronounced the same.
Honestly I'm gutted but she says it doesn't matter that they'd have the same name.
AIBU to think it's silly to have 2 cousins born within (likely) days of each other having the same name?

So as not to drip feed, we hadn't told anyone except MIL our proposed baby's name, so they didn't know before they told everyone.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 28/05/2021 21:37

My DP’s extended family only have about 4 names between them all... ok, I’m slightly exaggerating, but they’ve all used the same family names until about 30 years ago.

My stepdad, the eldest boy got the same name, even son’s of brothers not called that. So all the cousins and second cousins etc, exact same name.

NerrSnerr · 28/05/2021 21:37

I have the same name as my cousin, my brother has the same name as our cousin and uncle. It's always been fine. No one has ever been confused or offended.

babiesandmummies2020 · 28/05/2021 21:41

OP have you never seen the sopranos episode where Tony Blundetto comes home from jail ? And they have that party where Tony Soprano gives the speech about relatives calling them ' Tony uncle Jimmy ' or whatever it was and calling the other Tony ' Tony uncle Jonny ' ... something like that.

Tony S and Tony B are cousins. Both named Tony after their grandfather I think. Super common in some cultures.

MiddleClassProblem · 28/05/2021 21:45

Sorry, does SIL know you were planning on using the name and why?

It sounds like you haven’t told her and are just keeping your upset to yourself. I think you should have an open and honest chat to her. If I were her and knew how you felt, I would feel that name would be just for you and change my choice. But you need to have that chat sooner rather than later.

MiddleClassProblem · 28/05/2021 21:45

But if she did decide to keep it, you should too. It will be fine x

Summerfun54321 · 28/05/2021 21:46

Some sons even have the same name as their own father! Honestly I wouldn’t worry about it. My DCs have 2 cousins with the same name, it’s really not an issue.

Laufeythejust · 28/05/2021 21:46

We are going to do this if we ever have a boy. Me and DP were friends before we got together and in a conversation once we both said we knew what names we liked, me after my godfather who brought me up and him after his grandfather. We both said the middle name would be our Dads, turns out both names are the same! The first name however his cousin just named her son. Hopefully if we are lucky enough to have kids his cousin won’t mind! If I were you I would stick with the name, they could always have different nicknames.

WorraLiberty · 28/05/2021 21:47

Mind you, I come from a large Irish family where every household had a Mary or a Patrick at one time 😂

ignatiusjreilly · 28/05/2021 21:51

@HairyHocks

My grandparents were families of normally 6-9 children each, and some traditional names were used across cousins, often more than once. If John is a common and desirable name it would be hard to avoid several uses amongst a generation of cousins which extended to 20-30 boys. It was entirely normal to have cousins with the same name, there would be several James/John/Margaret/Mary's.
My mother's name is Margaret and she has 2 first cousins on her Dad's side also called Margaret.

I always thought it must have been strange for her grandparents to have 3 grandaughters with the same name, but she said it was very common back then.

BogRollBOGOF · 28/05/2021 21:53

DS and a cousin have the same name. They're both named after the same relative. They're geographically distant and have a big age gap.

mogtheexcellent · 28/05/2021 21:55

Names run in twos in my family. All the cousins have a name twin.

we are obviously weird.

JustanotherTuesday · 28/05/2021 21:57

Four of my cousins on my Dad's side have the same first name and three even have the same last name. They were all born within nine months and it is a name that was very popular in the seventies.
I was the only granddaughter born that year given a different name Smile

Boofay · 28/05/2021 22:10

Greek Cypriot family here. All my cousins are called Maria, Savvas or Elena.
It can be fairly normal in some countries/cultures, and quite honestly, really lovely!

Cherrysoup · 28/05/2021 22:13

My 3 cousins (mum’s side) have 25 cousins on their dad’s side, all adults and having dc const, it seems. Catholic, so saints’ names are very popular, lots of common names going on. It just gets explained, so ‘Young Luke’, Catherine’s Luke etc. It doesn’t matter. A friend took on a dog with the same name as her husband, that was fun!

FortniteBoysMum · 28/05/2021 22:25

Sorry for your loss. I suggest explaining to her you want to name your child after your parent. Whilst you cannot make her change their name choice in some way it takes away the centiment of using the name for you.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 29/05/2021 01:14

It is weird.

Maverick101 · 29/05/2021 03:30

It doesn't matter

SmednotaSmoo · 29/05/2021 03:38

Two of my husband’s cousins have the same name, after his grandad. My FIL also has that name but has always used his middle name. Interestingly neither him or his brother have that name, but we used it for our first born.

When we get together there’s a lot of “X” around, but with the derivatives only the uses the full name normally (think John/Johnny/Jack)

Toilenstripes · 29/05/2021 03:46

This happens in my family and my husband’s as well. We do it to link ourselves to each other. I’ve always thought it was lovely.

PerveenMistry · 29/05/2021 03:51

Bon-issue.

There are umpteen Richards and Roberts across three generations in my family. No one gets confused about who's who.

SofiaAmes · 29/05/2021 03:52

I have the same name as one of my cousins...we're both named after our grandmother who died shortly before we were born. My daughter and 2 of my cousins daughters all have the same name as they were all named after the same beloved grandmother. They're all spelled slightly differently, but it's clearly the same name.
I think it's a lovely tradition.

ittakes2 · 29/05/2021 06:32

I am sorry about your lose.
We have the same name for cousins in our family due to a stepchild. The two boys just have nicknames when the family are all together.

Lubiluxe · 29/05/2021 06:43

Is she a SIL on your side or your partner's side? If your side then I assume they went for the name due to the family link too, no?

IntoAir · 29/05/2021 13:23

I can't imagine calling my baby anything else and I can't force her to change what she calls her baby. So I guess I just have to changes her mind

YABU

You think is ok for you to call your child this name but not your brother ?

I share a full name with one of my cousins - first middle names and surname. They’ve been family names for a couple of centuries so we share with ancestors as well. We love it!

Gwenhwyfar · 29/05/2021 13:27

@EastWestWhosBest

It rather depends on how much they have to do with each other.

I have cousins I don’t know the name of, same for DH. If you are likely to spend every Sunday together it might be a problem. If you’ll just see them at weddings and funeral then less so.
I have the same name as my aunt, it’s never been a problem.

Yes. My parents' first choice for me was a name taken by one of my DF's cousins. I've never met this person, whereas I know all my second cousins on the other side.
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