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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a 4 hour nap, 3 times a week?

146 replies

NotYourAverageDaisy · 27/05/2021 19:51

DS is up from 3/4am without fail, every single day. Sometimes as early as 2.30. He's up, he's jumping, he's happy and never seems tired.

No, the drugs don't work. Yes, I've tried bringing his bedtime forward consistently for a week or so. Wakes up same time. No, nobody can get up with him instead.

When he's at nursery I often sleep for 3/4 hours a day. I switch up my diary to suit this.

He starts school in September so I should be getting 5 days a week to nap.

AIBU? The reason I ask is, I phoned GP to ask in desperation if there was a drug to keep me awake that he could prescribe. I described my sleeping to him and he told me off! For sleeping in the day and said that would actually make you more tired.

OP posts:
CHISistoast · 27/05/2021 20:42

Bloody hell you poor thing! Do whatever you need to do but I would be looking at teaching him that's too early, it's not light then even! Sorry if you'd sounds super basic but, if he's starting school in Sept he would understand, can't you just say no, it's too early, you can play quietly in your bed and you need to go back to sleep... With maybe a carrot dangled, even just a star chart?!?

LastMincePie · 27/05/2021 20:42

Have your been offered any other options if the melatonin isn't working? If it's liquid form it will help the child fall asleep but not stay asleep. If you could get them to take the tablet form then it's slow release and is meant to make them stay asleep longer.
My five year old is similar, most nights is up from 2am. She'll occasionally go back to sleep at 6am for an hour and then I have to get her up for school. She won't take the tablets and I haven't been able to smuggle them into her, as she always knows, but if your child could swallow them whole in yogurt or ice cream that might be worth a try?

NoSquirrels · 27/05/2021 20:45

Did you know that actually we’re evolutionally designed to sleep in ‘phases’ and napping is totally normal in many countries? Ignore the GP’s extremely unhelpful advice. I assume they were coming at it from a point of view of sleep hygiene and routine and napping can disturb that but... your son wakes you up in the middle of the night l! Ain’t no sleep hygiene routine for you gonna solve that! You’re more in a situation of sleep-while-the-baby-sleeps newborn deprivation so just do what works for you. Your just clearly needs it.

BarbarianMum · 27/05/2021 20:49

If you have insomnia then napping can make it worse because your sleep pattern becomes totally disordered. But you dont have insomnia, you are being kept awake so of course you will need to sleep during the day!

Tumbleweed101 · 27/05/2021 20:49

Nothing wrong with you napping when you can. I would be too.

Can you implement a evening routine of some kind? What quieter things does he like doing? Something like bath, then wind down with some quiet small world toys and a story in a dimmed room? Work it backwards from when he tends to naturally crash so that you are starting a.little earlier each day and end with him awake in bed, not on sofa.etc for the final snuggle down.

Use similar sleep cues when he wakes in night. Keep it quiet and dark and limit interaction. Perhaps tell him it's night time and you are sleeping rather than getting up (except to put him back in bed). Without quality time with you he may get bored. If he really can't sleep but would play alone is there anyway you can make his room or part of it a safe zone. Safe toys,books and a really dim night light? Stair gates to stop wandering etc?

Evenstar · 27/05/2021 20:51

A friend of mine who has an ASD child who doesn’t sleep is applying for funding for a secure cot/bed similar to this. Would that be worth considering as then you would know DS is safe www.bakare.co.uk/beds-for-special-needs-children/savoir-vivre-care-cot/

MintyMabel · 27/05/2021 20:52

Nap if you need to, but the GP isn’t necessarily wrong that your sleep pattern isn’t ideal.

Find a decent GP who will help sort your son’s sleep problems and hopefully that will help solve the problem.

ittakes2 · 27/05/2021 20:52

Does he nap during the day? Maybe he needs to. I realise this sounds crazy but after my son didn't sleep through the night until he was 4.5 years old I learnt a thing or too. I'm guessing he is over tired and zonks out into a deep sleep - so deep that when he naturally wakes a bit at the end of his sleep cycle at 2.30am he is too awake to get back to sleep.
In the chinese meridan clock the belief is that the time he is waking means he has something going on with his liver / blood which is detoxing during that time.
www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=LnwTFXz5&id=5431C9C81DC7E7023F95455FA3B67373C6F4BD65&thid=OIP.LnwTFXz5mLiU_lOrIbE-PQHaG4&mediaurl=https%3a%2f%2fth.bing.com%2fth%2fid%2fR2e7c13157cf998b894fe53ab21b13e3d%3frik%3dZb30xnNztqNfRQ%26riu%3dhttp%253a%252f%252fjaneshealthykitchen.com%252fwp-content%252fuploads%252f2016%252f05%252fScreen-Shot-2016-05-31-at-8.39.48-PM-1024x951.png%26ehk%3dPrcR%252bVT3aUrjF0s%252b1hIYOrB%252fh8IDwOF0OEC%252fgw2SuzM%253d%26risl%3d%26pid%3dImgRaw&exph=951&expw=1024&q=chinese+meridian+clock&simid=608005685173450964&ck=311FDD2A07FA4ADE8B0114494A0E33E1&selectedIndex=0&FORM=IRPRST&idpp=overlayview&ajaxhist=0&ajaxserp=0

diamondpony80 · 27/05/2021 20:56

GP is being ridiculous. Yeah, it'd be a bit counterproductive napping in the middle of the day if you were sleeping until 7am. But there's a BIG difference between getting up at 3am and 7am. I'd be napping during the day too and making no apologies for it. I think the GP is wrong. Most people need 6-8 hours sleep every day, and if you're not getting it you've got to make it up somewhere.

Hardertobreathe · 27/05/2021 20:58

4 hours isn’t a nap though, that’s quite a stretch of sleep.

I sympathise. I have DC with ADHD/ASD who slept only 3 hours a night until age 7. It wasn’t even 3 solid hours, it was 10 mins here, half an hour there, and I worked 4 days a week too. It was hell. Hopefully once he starts school things will improve. Hang on in there!

Have you tried a weighted blanket? I wasn’t aware of them when my DC was small but hear they work for a lot of kids.

JackieTheFart · 27/05/2021 20:59

If you can sleep fine at night I can’t see what the problem would be? I’d bloody love a daily nap, I don’t have a kid waking me up or anything, I just find by 3ish I’m cheesed off with work and need a kip! Grin

Seriously, if it works for you, it works.

Leaf85 · 27/05/2021 20:59

I am biggest nap fan ever (fortunately DC all older - so it's my weekend treat) However if I nap longer than say 90 minutes I am absolutely knackered! OP can I ask what time you go to bed? If DS goes at 9pm then a 4am start is at least 7ish solid hours.

StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear · 27/05/2021 21:00

Massive sympathy to you- I have a child like that. He’s been a rotten sleeper his entire life and wakes up for the day around the same time as yours does. Nap away. You need to rest. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for a reason- it’s fucking horrible.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 27/05/2021 21:02

@NotYourAverageDaisy

I don't have any trouble falling asleep at night Grin I fall into sleep easily, at the drop of a hat

He is ASD diagnosed since 3

It would have been helpful if you had mentioned his diagnosis (though some of us would have suspected) in the OP, because the sleep patterns of children with ASD can be very different to other children, and as someone who has gone through it I say you do whatever you need to do to cope. He may well go for weeks on a couple of hours sleep a night, but you can't, so you need to catch up when you can.
NotSure94 · 27/05/2021 21:03

You're catching up and sleep is precious! If it fits around things bloody well grab it when you can.

School routine knackers them out more I find and I say that as someone with a son with additional needs. And you get more space to catch up. Take it!

Sexnotgender · 27/05/2021 21:05

@NotYourAverageDaisy

Thank you - GP seems very insistent that napping in the day will just make things worse for me Sad
Perhaps your GP would be so kind as to take your child at 3am so you can sleep at night. See how they like being up 1/2 the night.
BoomBoomsCousin · 27/05/2021 21:08

You're basically working a night-shift. Bet your GP doesn't tell someone who gets paid to work a night shift that the shouldn't sleep in the day!

VaguelyInteresting · 27/05/2021 21:10

Oh babe you have that sleep.

When DS was a baby and I went back to work, I was working all day and he was breastfeeding all night. I’m a LP so was exhausted. He was at nursery 9 hours a day, so he was exhausted by the weekend too.

So at weekends, we used to have a very long nap- both of us- on one or both afternoons, for anywhere from 2-4 hours.

I can remember my mum and my grandmother mocking me for napping with him, and castigating me for letting him sleep so long- but I tell you what, we both needed those hours to catch up. I wasn’t a safe parent if I didn’t nap- I was so exhausted some days I could barely function.

So yeah, crack on. Sleep while you can. And ignore your GP. They’re clearly misunderstanding something.

Mrsbclinton · 27/05/2021 21:10

You poor thing sleep deprivation is cruel. You do what ever you need to keep functioning, I really hope the situation improves for you & your son.

ImprobablePuffin · 27/05/2021 21:10

OP I can't believe that you're asking if you're BU to nap but you'll happily ask your GP for drugs to keep you awake?! That's madness, nap for godsake.

I only get around 3 hours at night (disability parent) so when they go to school I'm back in bed and I'll nap till 11:30ish.

The GP can say what they like but they're not living the life and believe me I know how horrendous sleep deprivation is

NotSure94 · 27/05/2021 21:10

Just to add... I love a daytime nap now and I'm 46 and mine are Yr 6 and Yr 9.

Fortunately, freelancing I can fit it in.

YanTanTethera123 · 27/05/2021 21:11

If that’s what you need to survive then go for it 💐

mommybear1 · 27/05/2021 21:15

Oh hello @NotYourAverageDaisy I think we have twins separated at birth! My DS is exactly the same I would frankly bite someone's hand off for a nap during the day. You carry on having the naps a friend of mine referred to it as "banking hours". I'm on my knees and like you have tried the lot. Keep the naps!

Luckyelephant1 · 27/05/2021 21:15

Definitely carry on napping if you can and you need it!

Although I do agree with GP that (for me anyway) I often feel worse and groggier after a nap than if I hadn't taken one, but then again I'm not up at 3am everyday so I definitely don't need the nap as much as you do! Do you feel better after the nap or still tired?