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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I do more? DH doing everything

126 replies

peanutbutterporridge · 27/05/2021 15:57

I feel guilty I don't do enough around the house. We have a 7 month old and I'm loving life. I used to get stressed about an untidy house, but my expectations are far lower now! In 7 months I've cooked, put a wash on, been shopping a handful of times. My husband does everything. Bakes bread, makes hummus, makes my lunch, dinner, cleans, does the washing, groceries, and works full time. I have tried to do a bit more recently, but I seem to have become lazy! The baby isn't even that demanding. I could probably do more. I'm just really enjoying time with my baby and going for walks. He says he can cope with it all, but I'm worried he's going to resent me!

If this was the other way around I know what the answer would be!

OP posts:
JustGiveMeGin · 27/05/2021 18:34

@peanutbutterporridge if you are genuine then your husband should leave you. Surely you must realise that part of being a parent is looking after the environment that your child will grow up in.
I have 2 children and the house has always been meticulous even when they were 6 month old babies and I was working full time.
Do your husband a favour and get off your arse and pull your weight!

Original poster
peanutbutterporridge · 27/05/2021 18:38

[quote JustGiveMeGin]@peanutbutterporridge if you are genuine then your husband should leave you. Surely you must realise that part of being a parent is looking after the environment that your child will grow up in.
I have 2 children and the house has always been meticulous even when they were 6 month old babies and I was working full time.
Do your husband a favour and get off your arse and pull your weight![/quote]
You're a super mum!

OP posts:
Threewheeler1 · 27/05/2021 18:41

Yeah, he sounds ok but my dh is currently making a three course meal for me and our 17 children (that he home schools whilst working full time 23 hours a day). He hands rears baby orphan hedgehogs in his spare time and looks after the abandoned manatees and seal pups he stumbles across in the local stream whilst doing his 26 mile morning run to his high powered exec job where he is Top Dog. I tend to get up at about 3pm, after he has painted my toenails and blow dried my hair whilst I sleep. He only earns £350,000 a year so I might ditch him cos it's a bit shit tbh.

Original poster
peanutbutterporridge · 27/05/2021 18:45

Lol

I'm the 6 figure salary earner in my household!

OP posts:
PixellatedPixie · 27/05/2021 18:47

Maybe he enjoys baking? My husband works full time and I stay home with the kids and he does most of the laundry and cooks when he feels like it which is probably about 3 times a week. He enjoys it though - if he didn’t do it then I would.

Threewheeler1 · 27/05/2021 18:48

The real picture is that I'm currently watching my dh limping and trying to put his shoes on after spraining his ankle falling of a sofa chair.

someonesomewhere1 · 27/05/2021 18:50

When does he have time to work Confused?

PixellatedPixie · 27/05/2021 18:51

But why don’t you speak to your husband about it? Wouldn’t he tell you if he thought you weren’t doing enough?

MangosteenSoda · 27/05/2021 18:51

@WorraLiberty @knittingaddict
Yes, but OP wasn’t lazy before, she’s doing childcare now and presumably will go back to work after mat leave (she hasn’t mentioned being a SAHM). Usually the lazy dads are childcare dodgers too.

Sounds to me that OP is less bothered about keeping thingy as perfectly as she did before and her DH has stepped in to keep things the same.

I don’t think it’s a big deal if the main caregiver (whether mum or dad) prioritises the baby over the cleaning as long as the home is kept decent rather than perfect.

As long as both parties are happy and things work out fairly evenly over time, it shouldn’t be a problem.

DrManhattan · 27/05/2021 18:53

Popcorn 🍿

Original poster
peanutbutterporridge · 27/05/2021 18:54

@someonesomewhere1

When does he have time to work Confused?
He leaves at 8 and is home at 4 usually. Sometimes 5. So he doesn't have a crazy day. He then does another two hours work around 8-10 pm
OP posts:
tinkiiev · 27/05/2021 18:55

I don't understand at all why people are being so horrible or rude to you.

Sounds like your DH is lovely but perhaps also like he's worried that if you try and do the housework stuff that you might maybe get a little obsessive/anxious about it. Maybe he's trying to take it off you so you can be calm and relax.

If that's true then there will be a time limit on it; it could be very stressful for him, and you guys should talk about it and make sure it's possible for him to not be superman but for you to still stay relaxed and let a few things slide here and there.

I'm glad that things have changed since your post 5 months ago but do make sure it's not at the expense of your husband's mental health!!

Thanks
Cherrytree1621 · 27/05/2021 19:04

@ItscoldinAlaska get him to make his own tea! Sounds like you need a break.
@peanutbutterporridge he's going to end up resenting you, why can't you just split the housework?

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 27/05/2021 19:06

You should use all your spare time to write a fantasy novel.

Drunkenmonkey · 27/05/2021 19:16

I'm disgusted to see people calling OPs DH a wet wipe and a drip because he does more than his share round the house.
Isn't that what most women do?! Are they all 'drips' too? Men actually can't win on Mumsnet. It's refreshing to hear a man doing so much and it says a lot that so many people don't believe the OP. My DH was like this too when I had a small baby, so I can believe it. I'd say we are 50/50 now, but he probably does a bit more as he does all the food shopping. Whatever works.

Greenmarmalade · 27/05/2021 19:18

Well this is refreshing!!

I was losing hope. Nice one OP’s DH.

Yes- probably get in a routine of contributing a bit more housework/cooking, etc.

knittingaddict · 27/05/2021 19:19

@DrManhattan

Popcorn 🍿
Perfect.
SpeckledlyHen · 27/05/2021 19:21

@Iniyat

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/a4132511-feeling-awful-and-guilty?msgid=103530164#103530164

So what changed

Poor sod is probably sh"tting himself she's going to blow a gasket again.. OP sounds delightful. (I maybe should add multiple !! at this point..)
SpeckledlyHen · 27/05/2021 19:23

@peanutbutterporridge

Lol

I'm the 6 figure salary earner in my household!

Six figure sum and using the term Lol and constant !! at the end of every sentence.. Hmm
Drunkenmonkey · 27/05/2021 19:48

I don't think she's used that many '!'
You had me going back to check Grin

Babyg1995 · 27/05/2021 19:53

He makes houmous ok 👌

tabctrlnoanykey · 27/05/2021 20:01

But if he makes all your lunches - is he doing this before going to work each day or the night before? That’s pretty crappy of you, OP. Sure let him make you dinner as he makes his own when he gets in and all the other stuff but... the lunches?

Won’t somebody please think of the lunches!

Ginger1982 · 27/05/2021 20:23

Wow, a few months ago you were screaming at him because the kitchen wasn't clean enough for your liking? You sound like a nightmare.

MummyE87 · 27/05/2021 20:29

@BestOption

'Does he have an older brother?'

Hahahahaha!!! That's hilarious...

mammmamia · 27/05/2021 21:10

I think you are in a baby honeymoon haze which is fine. You probably need to pull your weight a bit more.
My DH is a bit of a superman as well. I do plenty around the house but he does 80% of the cooking, he’s very good at it and I’m not. He probably does more around the house generally and he also works, works out, does childcare etc. He is just really efficient and seems to get more done in a day than most people tbh.

We both have senior city jobs, high earners. I do more child care. He can be very critical of me as it’s not lost on him that he does more.