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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lunchtime supervision

112 replies

KindergartenKop · 26/05/2021 16:02

DS is in Y1. He's a bit of a fussy eater. His school offer 3 lunch options and some days he doesn't like any of them (usually due to them all being potato based. Other than chips, potatoes make him gag).

Today he says he only ate his pudding and put the rest in the bin. I'm a bit concerned that it seems he's not being challenged on this and is allowed to chuck his whole meal. Obviously he might be lying though. It causes problems because he's in a terrible mood after school and any snacks I give him then mean he rejects his dinner later on. Packed lunches are allowed but that makes so much more work for me as he also has a brother who has school dinners. I don't want to pander too much to the fussiness.

Aibu to email school and ask politely whether they could pay a bit more attention to what is being thrown away?

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 26/05/2021 16:06

If he really doesn’t like the dinners and he would rather throw them away than eat them, I would give my child a packed lunch.

Yes, there will be lunchtime supervision but there are lots of children and probably not enough support staff! It’s easy to miss kids craftily throwing food away. You could tell them what he’s doing so they can monitor it, but what do you want them to do if it’s food you know he will gag at?

DeflatedGinDrinker · 26/05/2021 16:06

This is a reverse. You work in a school and have had some annoying mother complain.

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 26/05/2021 16:08

I feel like he could be told to eat a bit of ie. E.g. the other day he said he ate one bite of a veggie burger. Fair enough the burger might be yucky but try to eat the bun.

OP posts:
Original poster
KindergartenKop · 26/05/2021 16:09

Lol @DeflatedGinDrinker I'm really the mum! You obviously think iabu then Grin

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 26/05/2021 16:10

If he really isn't eating his lunches make him a packed lunch. The lunchtime supervisors have many many children to supervise. Is a packed lunch honestly that much hard work. You know what he likes and dislikes.

NailsNeedDoing · 26/05/2021 16:10

It’s likely that they do encourage your child to eat more, but they can’t force him. If you know that he’s not going to like the lunches offered, it’s up to you to provide something that he will eat.

Crinkle77 · 26/05/2021 16:11

I doubt they have the time to spend coaxing him to eat.

ShoutingBirb · 26/05/2021 16:14

In our dinner hall there would be 50 kids and 3 adults. They don't have time to do this.

If he isn't eating his lunch he either goes hungry or you send in a packed lunch.

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 26/05/2021 16:15

I will try to find out a bit more from him about access to the bin etc. I would expect children of this age to have to check with an adult before they leave the table/chuck in bin but maybe I'm mad.

I will think about packed lunches too.

OP posts:
AbsolutePoppycock · 26/05/2021 16:15

I'm sure they will encourage him but it's not like years ago where MDS could say your not leaving the table until you've eaten xy or z
Give him smaller snacks when he gets home so he'll eat his supper or provide a packed lunch
I wouldn't make a big deal out of it

Howshouldibehave · 26/05/2021 16:15

Our lunchtime supervisors have 60 children to supervise plus serve, clear away and then clean the tables and chairs ready for the next 60. They don’t have time for coaxing fussy eaters who gag at their food. Why would deliberately put your child through this?! If you want to encourage new food-do it at home when you’re there to coax

Spied · 26/05/2021 16:15

I'd make a packed lunch.
If your ds doesn't want the food what are they supposed to do- stand over the bin so he can't throw it away?
I don't think you can ask they keep tabs on what one particular child is eating.
Maybe if he ate nothing at all ever they would report it to his teacher but really what would the teacher do? In the first instance probably suggest trying a packed lunch I'd of thought.

DysmalRadius · 26/05/2021 16:16

What would you like them to do? I think going in with a suggestion is much more likely to get results, but it has to be realistic.

Hensintheskirting · 26/05/2021 16:17

I used to work as a mid day meals supervisor. In my experience there is a huge amount of waste involved in school lunches. Loads of kids barely touch the meals provided. There are only so many times you can say "come on Dave, just eat a few peas, just for me, just try...?". If they're not going to eat it then they're not going to eat it. Long gone are the days when dinner ladies would scare you into clearing your plate!

He probably does have to show his plate before he scrapes it off, but if the staff have told him 3 times to try to eat a little bit more and lunchtime is over, what can they do?

Howshouldibehave · 26/05/2021 16:17

I feel like he could be told to eat a bit of ie

Schools can encourage, they can’t tell children to eat.

MadeOfStarStuff · 26/05/2021 16:17

YABU

They can’t force him to eat it and they’re not going to make him eat something he gags on

Just send a packed lunch so you know he had food he’ll eat!

TwoAndAnOnion · 26/05/2021 16:19

I'm a bit concerned that it seems he's not being challenged on this and is allowed to chuck his whole meal.

My childrens school had a policy of not making an issue on foods - several reasons, a midday supervisor cannot possibly cajole 20 children at once/parents don't like their child force-fed/parents do want their child force fed/disordered eating patterns. But primarily, time constraints

ShoutingBirb · 26/05/2021 16:21

Anyone remember the scary dinner ladies in the old days? Ours had a hammer that she would whack a bell with if there was too much noise, and she would patrol the room like a lieutenant.

rainyskylight · 26/05/2021 16:21

Throughout primary school I hated school lunches and used to wait until the dinner ladies were all occupied to go up and quickly scrape my plate and leave the hall. I’d happily wait quite a while for that moment rather than have to eat another mouthful of horrid food. They can’t supervise the kids all the time.

FelicityPike · 26/05/2021 16:21

If he’s gagging on his food send the poor wee soul a packed lunch with stuff he actually likes!
I can’t believe you’d rather him go hungry or put the responsibility onto someone else than make him a sandwich and a snack to take to school!

TeenMinusTests · 26/05/2021 16:22

I'd go through the menu and agree which days each week he can have packed lunches, max 2 per week (or 1).

SummaLuvin · 26/05/2021 16:25

I was someone who didn't want to eat my lunch at school, packed or school dinners, and no amount of coaxing/gentle bullying/telling off from the staff made any difference. They did check on if kids were eating their lunch, as I was a known problem I could never sneak to the bin without one of them checking. There were countless dinner times I spent the whole break in the lunch hall as they told me if I wasn't going to eat I wasn't allowed to go out to play, even that didn't make a difference.

Watermelon222 · 26/05/2021 16:26

How do you manage this at home @KindergartenKop?

Do you only serve chips and never any potatoes in other forms?

I think I’d be working on trying to encourage him trying a wider selection of food at home and sending in packed lunch on days when there are limited things he will eat for now. They must have pasta or spaghetti or rice on some days surely?

When I went in to help with school dinners once I was shocked by the wastage though, so I understand your concerns as I hate any food waste too. I would like to see the younger kids eating together, having a bit more time and only getting up from the table when they have all finished as I felt some of them just wanted to go out and play and couldn’t be bothered eating.

CoffeeCakey · 26/05/2021 16:27

Make a packed lunch you know he will eat and then work on the fussiness at home. You can't expect them to make sure he eats, they are supervising loads of kids at once. Its unfair on his teachers and him to let him be hungry all afternoon.

Watermelon222 · 26/05/2021 16:28

Oh and I don’t mean only getting up from the table when they’ve eaten everything, just making sure they have enough time to sit and eat if they want to.

I can remember not eating a lot as a child and I don’t believe in forcing anyone to eat things at all if they don’t want to.