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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lunchtime supervision

112 replies

KindergartenKop · 26/05/2021 16:02

DS is in Y1. He's a bit of a fussy eater. His school offer 3 lunch options and some days he doesn't like any of them (usually due to them all being potato based. Other than chips, potatoes make him gag).

Today he says he only ate his pudding and put the rest in the bin. I'm a bit concerned that it seems he's not being challenged on this and is allowed to chuck his whole meal. Obviously he might be lying though. It causes problems because he's in a terrible mood after school and any snacks I give him then mean he rejects his dinner later on. Packed lunches are allowed but that makes so much more work for me as he also has a brother who has school dinners. I don't want to pander too much to the fussiness.

Aibu to email school and ask politely whether they could pay a bit more attention to what is being thrown away?

OP posts:

MorganKitten · 26/05/2021 19:26

They will have several children to supervise, why don’t you give him a packed lunch? If they made him eat and was sick you’d complain. He doesn’t like the food so what do you want them to do?

Original poster

KindergartenKop · 26/05/2021 19:30

I love how this has turned into me expecting the staff to force feed my child in the manner of a suffragette or similar. I was just wondering if it was reasonable to expect the supervisors to check what the kids are leaving on their plate and maybe prompt them to eat a bit more. I never suggested they force him to eat anything!
Obviously you all seem to think they don't have time for this, which is fine. I will take that on board.

OP posts:

CauliflowerCheese30 · 26/05/2021 19:37

@KindergartenKop

I love how this has turned into me expecting the staff to force feed my child in the manner of a suffragette or similar. I was just wondering if it was reasonable to expect the supervisors to check what the kids are leaving on their plate and maybe prompt them to eat a bit more. I never suggested they force him to eat anything! Obviously you all seem to think they don't have time for this, which is fine. I will take that on board.

We do do this, we try and encourage them to eat a bit more, I even section off a bit and tell them to eat that bit, some do it, some don't, by the time I've done that I've got more children who want their yoghurts opening, or need the toilet, or want to tell me someone is misbehaving, and then we have to clean up, I'm only there 2 hours, but I'm shattered by the time I get home.

TotorosCatBus · 26/05/2021 19:42

I think that parents are more likely to complain about a MDS who coaxes kids to eat.

As your son is prone to gagging I don't think that MDS should be coaxing him just in case he gags and pukes or gags and the children near him react.

babybythesea · 26/05/2021 19:43

Also work in a school. We are a very small school - we don’t have a serving hatch or similar so the kids sit down and we serve them their food, and then clear away. Which means we can easily check. We can also ask them to eat a bit more before we remove their plate. But we are also on a massive time constraint - we don’t have a hall so a classroom doubles as a dining room. We have two sittings of half an hour each. We cannot run over at all, because that then impacts on the children coming back into school for afternoon lessons. So if a child refuses to eat, then we have a maximum of half an hour before we have to give up and send them out. That doesn’t take into account time to get them sitting down and serve all the food... it’s a massive rush. We do our best but there’s a limit to how much cajoling we can do. Although I did find myself scraping sauce off meatballs the other day, so the little lad in question did actually get some food inside him!

TotorosCatBus · 26/05/2021 19:43

The ration of kids to adult is really high. It would be easy to miss a child who scrapes a full plate when the adult is busy helping with other stuff. Are packed lunches an option?

bluechameleon · 26/05/2021 19:44

I'd be more angry if the lunchtime supervisors were making my child eat something he didn't want or like.

CauliflowerCheese30 · 26/05/2021 19:46

We are in a hall luckily, it took one reception child an hour to eat her packed lunch the other day, she missed her outside play, and that was with us trying to get her to finish quicker so she wouldn't miss it

the80sweregreat · 26/05/2021 19:53

It's a difficult job being a ' dinner lady or man or a supervisor. I found it tough and my colleagues who still do that job said it's even harder since they came back from the last lockdown as well.
The worst are the ones that cry over their dinner. Sometimes a teacher will sit with them to eat , but generally it's the poor midday person who is trying to encourage them to eat whilst dealing with all the other problems that magically occur. It is exhausting and if only schools allowed the parents to come in a few times to see how it works , then maybe the parents might appreciate how hard it can be to get them to behave and eat and also have some time to play outside as well as well as cleaning and tidying up their mess.
All under a strict time constraint to clear the halls for PE etc.
Plus the children are not always well behaved either.
You really earn your pittance.

RedHelenB · 26/05/2021 19:56

Yabu because the solution lies with you providing a packed lunch with food you know he will eat

LostSocksBrigade · 26/05/2021 19:58

Speaking as someone who has done this job yabu.
They will definitely be encouraging him to eat.
Its not like they're loading his plate up with potatoes, there will be other things accompanying them. So realistically he's missing a scoop of mash or a few roasties out of a whole meal.
Or, as I suspect, he also won't eat the veg and the main. Its their job, do you really think they're not doing that and a million other things? All you'll do by emailing them is make your child upset because they will then have to have him stay in until he actually eats the food.
I think you just need to get more creative at home and send a packed lunch to school. I understand what you're saying, but you're wrong to assume they're not doing their job based on the story of a small child.

Purplespup16 · 26/05/2021 20:00

I’m a MDSA, of course we ask children to eat more if it’s obvious that they haven’t eaten much or anything at all! Children have 30 minutes to eat (followed by 30 minutes of play) if it comes to 5 minutes left then children are asked to eat their pudding regardless of how much of the actual lunch they have eaten. Children in our school have to ask if they can have their pudding so we do see how much they have or haven’t eaten. We have children who will literally sit for the entire 25 minutes waiting to be told to eat their pudding!! No amount of just try it, eat 1 potato, eat this fork full will get a child who has decided not to eat their lunch to eat it! When we notice a child has eaten much or not at all that info is passed to the teacher or TA collecting them after lunch. If you are worried about how much he eats then send him with a packed lunch!!

IgglePiggleHater · 26/05/2021 20:01

I wouldn't send a packed lunch. This is your DC's opportunity to be exposed to foods you don't cook at home and to hopefully try new things eventually. Like one pp said, eventually he'll get bored of being hungry. It's not going to kill him to miss lunch sometimes... just give him a decent snack when he gets home. I'd stop worrying about it if I were you.

Waveafterwaveslowlydrifting · 26/05/2021 20:01

I teach year 1 and have the joy of serving up hot lunches in my classroom. I love my class bit I can't wait till they can go back into the hall!

I always check how much the children have eaten and ask them to have more if they've hardly touched it. They have chosen that option after all (choice of 3). However it is very busy trying to get two courses out on the tables and cleared away again in 20 mins.

IHateCoronavirus · 26/05/2021 20:02

If a parent, with all the power that entails (privileges/screen time etc) , can’t get a child to eat, how do you expect stretched and powerless school staff to do the same?

ASundayWellSpent · 26/05/2021 20:03

I supervise lunch for 40 5 year olds every day. At the beginning of term I was much more gently-gently and getting to know each child what was a reasonable expectation for their eating, preferences etc. Now we're at this stage in the year they all know the rules are try at least one bite of each thing on your plate, and if you want seconds of anything you have to eat all your veggies or salad first. It's bloody exhausting even though we are well in the flow now. Please help your child with fussiness at home instead of sending him to school and then wondering AIBU that they aren't dealing with it

LindaEllen · 26/05/2021 20:05

If it was that much of an issue you would find the time to make him a packed lunch. The time you've spent on this thread could have been used for that for a start!

Singalongasong · 26/05/2021 20:06

Even if he does just eat the pudding, he'll survive til 3pm especially if he eats his morning fruit and/or has morning milk. If he goes to after school club they'll have snacks there. It's a bit miserable for him going in of a morning knowing he doesn't like any of the options though. A couple of packed lunches a week would take the pressure off him without pushing you too hard, it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

HughGrantsHair · 26/05/2021 20:06

I would be willing to bet money that the staff are encouraging him to eat.

He doesn't like the dinners so do him a packed lunch.

Kitfish · 26/05/2021 20:23

When my DS was year 1 or 2, I got contacted by one of the lunchtime supervisors at my son's school. They had noticed that he was eating nothing at lunch - ever - and they were concerned about him starving himself all day. They wanted to help. Based on their advice I contacted the school about it and the school arranged for his teacher to come down at the start of lunch to help him select what to eat. Some of the problem had been about food touching each other - and him not wanting to eat food that touched other food. Others were about needing help selecting options / combinations he could find palatable. It helped to ease the problem and, when made aware, the school wanted to help. I suggest you contact the school about this - they will not want a child starving in lessons - and may be willing to put in place some help like I got. Best of luck to you.

Benfoldspomped · 26/05/2021 20:25

I work in the school my children go to. I wouldn't eat the food they feed the children, so my children have a packed lunch. Honestly, it wouldn't get above a 1 star review on TripAdvisor. They eat well at home, so I don't worry.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 26/05/2021 20:29

@KindergartenKop

I love how this has turned into me expecting the staff to force feed my child in the manner of a suffragette or similar. I was just wondering if it was reasonable to expect the supervisors to check what the kids are leaving on their plate and maybe prompt them to eat a bit more. I never suggested they force him to eat anything! Obviously you all seem to think they don't have time for this, which is fine. I will take that on board.

I bet you'd also moan if he missed his play time because they waited for him to eat more/try some things or if he got sick/upset because he was encouraged to eat more.

You have a fussy kid. You have 3 options:
1.deal with the fussiness
2.accept he'll eat what he'll eat on some days. (That's my go to ,even now that I pay for them)
3.make him packed lunches.

He's your kid and your responsibility. You don't get to give more work to other people because anything else it's an inconvenience to you.

Thisnamewasnttaken123 · 26/05/2021 20:32

I would make him a packed lunch.

ThatsNotMyReindeer · 26/05/2021 20:34

Packed lunches are allowed but that makes so much more work for me

Providing your child with food they can eat is fairly fundamental parenting, is it not?

PaperMonster · 26/05/2021 20:36

Why is not liking potatoes fussy? Why are kids fussy whereas adults are allowed to have preferences? Never understood that.

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