To never want to drive

[Imcrc]

I'm 26 with 2 kids and cant drive.
I have taken a test 4 times and failed. The last time I had a massive panic attack and had to stop. I was diagnosed with anxiety after having my first daughter but I have have been an anxious person my whole life.

Each reason why I failed is such a long story. Basically the first 3 I only had about 3-4 minors and 1 major. Every time it's just more and more money. I stopped after I had my first daughter, then tried again just before lockdown when I failed again. Then had my daughter in October 2020 and haven't even thought about it since.

It definitely impacts my life I would love more freedom. The thought of it fills me with literal dread to the point of feeling sick. We now have some money I could use to go towards it. I just cringe at wasting it and failing again. Everyone around me says theres no pressure but they are the ones that keep mentioning it.

I'm getting worked up writing this. I know I'm being stupid! I cant shake this feeling of dread. I hate the thought of driving on my own. I'm dyslexic and dyspraxic and I feel like I will mess up and get in a accident. My mind wonders constantly. I dont think I can concentrate well.

I know it's a life skill I need. But I've left it too long and now I have such an issue around it. I dont WANT to do it but I know I NEED too.

Why don't you do an automatic license instead of a manual? It's easier and probably more friendly to someone with dyspraxia? Not to be mean though, I know a lot of people with dyslexia and dyspraxia who have no trouble driving so I think it's could be your anxiety that's the real problem.

Absolutely another vote for auto. I don't know why there is such a thing about driving stick shift in the UK.

Realistically though do you have good transport options where you live?

If you feel you need the skill and it would make a big difference to your life then could you look at an automatic car and then find an instructor who is good at supporting anxious drivers?

I don't know why there is such a thing about driving stick shift in the UK

Because most people cope just fine with them, they use less fuel, which is expensive here and automatic gearboxes are far more expensive if they go wrong. They're an expensive solution to a problem that doesn't exist for most people.

Could you do a 1wrrk intensive course with test at the end of that?

Are you fine driving when learning and the test just overwhelms you?

To be honest if you’re that nervous I’d rather you didn’t drive, I’d seek medical help first

@idontlikealdi

Absolutely another vote for auto. I don't know why there is such a thing about driving stick shift in the UK.

Realistically though do you have good transport options where you live?

Because it allows you to drive a geared car and automatic whilst learning in an auto limits you.

But I think automatics have advanced technologically so the stigma of having an automatic not performing so well in say, snowy conditions, has kind of gone now because the computers in the cars can do more work knowing what gears to be in on certain situations.

I had horrible anxiety about driving. I got my licence way after 26. What helped me in the end was finding the right instructor who was really patient and calm and understood anxiety. It made such a big difference learning from someone who got it. I got an auto licence, one less thing to work out.

I couldn't have imagined feeling fine about driving when I was your age. I would literally be shaking and want to vomit from anxiety, I would struggle to sleep night before a lesson, is have nightmares. But now I'm so very glad I can drive. It's given me a lot of independence back. Not saying this to pressure gou, just that with the right support it is a possibilty even with really bad anxiety.

you need a very good driving instructor who can help your anxiety on driving.

@BarbaraofSeville

I don't know why there is such a thing about driving stick shift in the UK

Because most people cope just fine with them, they use less fuel, which is expensive here and automatic gearboxes are far more expensive if they go wrong. They're an expensive solution to a problem that doesn't exist for most people.

What utter rubbish! older automatics were less efficient but for newer ones many are more efficient. I own a Toyota corolla Hybrid that only comes in automatic for the pure reason the technology uses less fuel than a manual. Also with many makes now they sell with extended warranty, i still have 6 years on mine.

I don’t really have any advice op but I am in the same position as you. It fills me with dread and I DONT want to do it but feel like I need to. It’s shit!

Well obviously it's up to you.

But you say in your OP that it limits your freedom. So you have to weigh up whether you are prepared to live with those limits on your freedom for the rest of your life, or not.

I think you should address the anxiety first.

Is it driving itself that makes you nervous or the test?

Have you ever had therapy for your anxiety? CBT for example? Sounds like you need to work on the anxiety first, then the driving.

Keep going.. I'm such an anxious person and I passed on my 5th attempt. What helped me was reading the highway code back to back, anticipating what can happen when driving and just heightened awareness. For the last few years, I've been working as a domiciliary carer where I've driven lots and Ive gained the confidence to drive anywhere. You just need to get out more by taking more lessons and getting in the car with a confident driver who can point out things that they notice and you will gain experience. Don't lose hope

I could have written this myself. big hugs.

Meh, I know people who have taken the eat 8+ times.

Keep going until you get the job done! It will be amazing!

Here in the US, the driving schools don't even offer instruction for manual transmission. All instruction is for automatic. As we have no public transportation except in the larger cities, everyone learns at 15 and is driving by 17 at the latest. Job applications (even for part time and after school jobs) require your driver's license number and proof of reliable transportation.

I took on-off lessons for seven years and kept quitting after huge panic attacks. I had a few incidents where I stalled the car over and over, then in my panic I couldn’t get the car moving at all, causing big queues of traffic. I cried my eyes out during a lesson on hill starts. I never quite felt in control of the car and I HATED the clutch, especially at roundabouts and turning right out of a junction.

I switched to an automatic, passed my test and then didn’t drive again for three years. I finally got a car in 2018 and it took a long time to feel comfortable driving but I’m much, much better than I was. I still get nervous going somewhere I’ve never driven before but I study Google Streetview to prepare myself before a journey.

I was diagnosed with dyspraxia last week so my struggles with coordination and planning finally make sense.

I passed my test first time almost 3 years ago. I can I tell you that if I didn't pass that first time there would be no way I'd have continued trying, the test absolutely put the shits up me, no idea how I passed (I had 3 minors) I was shaking, even the window beside me steamed up I was sweating that much. It was horrible and put me off driving, it took me almost 2 years to get my confidence back after that test.. when doing lessons I was fine, no idea why I got so worked up for the exam but honestly it was dreadful. 😅
After passing I didnt even want to drive, the experience totally ruined driving for me, you'd think I'd be happy I passed, I wasnt because I was so shaken up by the whole thing. But I'd passed and had a car, needed to get around so I just got on with it.
Slowly regained confidence and now I'm fine. It was the exam that put me off, and for what!? I passed ffs
If you feel like you'd be safe (I was it was all just in my head) then carry on trying and you will get used to it over time.
I remember thinking when I passed that driving would be easy, I'd spent so long being a passenger I'd kind of assumed itd be like that 🤣 well it's not! Theres a lot of work that goes into driving and if you're an anxious person it can be overwhelming, driving anxiety is a thing but it can be over come with practice.
Obviously I'm not suggesting you drive if you feel like you'd be unsafe on the roads but really do persevere if it's just the case of getting over the worry or failing. Get a good, understanding instructor (mine would snap and shout at me..) and have faith in yourself.
Driving opens up your world and with two kids itll make life so much easier!

If you don't want to drive then why are you doing it?

Another vote for learning to drive automatic-only. This really helped a friend of mine who was anxious too. She switched to auto, passed her test, and hasn't looked back!

I have a full licence but I still choose to drive an automatic cos it's so much easier.

I don't know why there is such a thing about driving stick shift in the UK.

there really isn't?

There's slightly less choice in smaller cars, auto tend to be medium to bigger but that's about it.

We do have a lot of small narrow roads, and too much traffic on a small island, so it can be a bit daunting.

Some countries are even worst, other easier..

But if you want to stick with auto, you absolutely can. No big deal.

@WellLarDeDar

Why don't you do an automatic license instead of a manual? It's easier and probably more friendly to someone with dyspraxia? Not to be mean though, I know a lot of people with dyslexia and dyspraxia who have no trouble driving so I think it's could be your anxiety that's the real problem.

This. It was a game changer for me. Past my test after just 8 weeks lessons in an auto after thinking that I was destined to be a pedestrian all my life.

Passed, apologies.