WIBU? Parent A vs Parent B

[DoingItAllDayLong]

Parent A has a hobby which takes them out of the house 2-3 afternoons per week and 2 evenings per week.

The afternoons do not affect family life as Parent A is usually back on time for the DC finishing school.

The two evenings per week are not an issue as Parent B also gets some time out once per week or fortnight depending on plans.

On the two evenings per week, Parent B picks up the slack for dinner, baths , bedtime etc as well as walking the dogs. The same happens on the one evening Parent B goes out.

Parent A is really enjoying the hobby and now wants to do this four evenings per week as well as two afternoons per week.

Parent B thinks this is unreasonable.

The DC are junior school age but one has additional needs and needs lots of support and attention so evenings tend to be chaotic. It also means that Parent B would need to pick up the slack for the majority of the week. Parent B is also chronically unwell.

Parent A thinks Parent B is being unreasonable.

WIBU?

yanbu, especially if he honestly thinks starting Operation Bedtime as late as 9 pm as a regular thing on a school night isn't going to cause huge disruption. It's all very well and good once in a while when there's been an evening event or a long journey to visit family or something like that, but not twice a week.

As someone who used to fence competitively at national level (and some international A grades) in the Netherlands, your DH is taking the piss. I did all this when I was young and at uni and didn't have a family and associated responsibilities. It's not compatible with family life. (I'm assuming your DH is actually competing at a very high level?)

He already gets a ton of time for his hobby - he's being selfish.

Is walking dogs not fun? I love walking my dog. It's my favourite part of the day. With a friend having a good old natter.

Yes, he's being unreasonable. The only way it would work if he did more weekday afternoon sessions. The evenings are always busy when you have kids.

Parent A is being totally unreasonable. 4 nights a week is really excessive.

If you're managing a long term health condition, walking the dogs may very well not be fun at all. And that's not even mentioning appalling weather.

A is unreasonable

Then - why have dogs? If no one enjoys them?

@arethereanyleftatall I didn’t mention the dogs weren’t fun.

Parent A is a completely unreasonable and very selfish.

Having read more of your updates, I think you should find a way to add quality time during the day though. Simplify the cooking, cook for 2 days or something, don’t clean the house for a day. Surely you can find time if you drop the house perfection.

It doesn’t change the fact that 4 evenings away from family is too much.

If you came at it from the perspective of asking your husband to come up with a plan for him to do more fencing that you're happy with and reach a compromise. You being 'right' doesn't make him any less keen to fence presumably, so let him come up with a system that is likely to work better and see what you can agree.

[quote DoingItAllDayLong]@arethereanyleftatall I didn’t mention the dogs weren’t fun.[/quote]
No, but you have detailed it as a chore. Happiness is a state of mind.

It's difficult because unless I've missed it, you haven't detailed your medical condition, or said how much time it takes up iyswim.

At the moment, between the two of you, only one of you works and it's just for the morning. And your dc are school age.

So, there should be plenty of time for you both to have lots of lovely free time.

6 times per week, given your schedules, isn't too much to ask for, given that there seems to be plenty of slack for you also to do what you want 6 times per week.

@DysmalRadius but the DH already participates in his hobby for the maximum amount of time most couples with young DCs would see as being appropriate. 3 nights a week already feels too much, so there's not really any compromise to be had.

I like the posters idea of leaving him to it for 4 evenings a week and ask him again if it's reasonable in a fortnight.

Other things aside he should be walking the high energy ddogs at least 50 %of the time..

But @rookiemere you can't compare the ops life to 'most couples' as most couples don't only work a few hours a day between the two of them.

[quote DoingItAllDayLong]@ThatChristinaAguileraSong are you deliberately missing the point

He wants more time because he’s enjoying it and would like to do it more. The way things currently are , we are both happy with .[/quote]
Obviously you are both not happy with the way things currently are, when Parent A wants another 2 evenings for his hobby!

However, I do agree with you that he should not do his hobby another 2 evenings, when most of the support is needed. Could he extend the number of times he does his hobby in the afternoon, when it isn’t as big an issue?

Hope your medical condition improves, if that is possible. 💐

What age is junior school?

Waiting up until 9pm for bedtime is too late even for lower secondary school imo

Why do you have to make his lunch?

Parent A is unreasonable, definantly. He’s opting out of family life.

Maybe I’ve on mn too long, but is there someone there who’s turning his head? Why does he need to increase his hobby time significantly? Unless he’s training for the Olympics, or coaching the youngsters, then there’s no reason to increase his time.

I think its fair enough the working parent has a hobby they enjoy. Both sound a bit lazy and entitled tbh.

Your partner sounds like he wants to opt out of most of the active parenting tbh. What are weekends like?

I would only agree if parent A then gave you 2 full days off of parenting at the weekend..... But given that's unlikely its parent A being unreasonable!

Free time should be equal parent A already gets a extra day a week (I'm ignoring the 2 sessions during the day) making it 3 extra days is taking the piss!

Impressive to support two adults, two children, dogs, and an expensive hobby on one part-time wage!

a is taking the piss.

Ive re read your op and I'm cross about it on your dhs behalf! The implication in your op is that parent A is a sahp and that parent B works full time ooh. I think that is what most people have assumed when responding.