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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not cover my bruises?

124 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/05/2021 22:56

I collapsed yesterday due to v low blood sugar and was taken to hospital, I am not diabetic but I hadnt eaten properly as I have an ED (yes, I have accepted that I need help with this and am looking into the best type of help for my issues).

Thing is, I was by the back door, went down like a tree (I am told, I dont remember a thing) and face planted onto the patio. I now look like I have been whacked in the face with a frying a la Tom and Jerry! I am leaving them as they are, as I tried hiding them and frankly I think they look more obvious when I try to hide them. I have a swollen nose that I was lucky nt to break and a massive black eye. Not easy to hide.

My mother (and my boss, who didnt say anything but I can just tell) think that I should cover them up. I know my mother thinks people will think I was either a) fighting or b) drunk :o

I think its healthier to keep them uncovered as there was some broken skin. I am happy to tell anyone what happened who asks and my boss has seen my discharge notes so knows I am not lying about what happened so whats the problem?

OP posts:

Osrie · 25/05/2021 10:07

If you are facing customers I think a friendly badge/note at side saying, I’m fine thanks just had a fall, would help you and others not worry. Maybe that’s flippant to some but it would stop tongues wagging and help others feel upset for you . I know some children might embarrass their parents by asking out loud. I’d say definitely don’t hide it.

JimBobNoJob · 25/05/2021 10:11

No I’d not be covering up, you fainted and face planted the floor. It happens (my mum did the same! Face was a mess)
Why should you hide your bruises to spare other people’s feelings.

If they want to judge silently they will anyway, if they want to ask they will and if you are happy to explain then I don’t see a problem.

There’s nothing shameful or attention seeking about not covering up.

UpTheJunktion · 25/05/2021 10:47

@cushioncovers

Yes but disabilities/permanent injuries are completely different to what the op is describing.

If I was served by someone with a battered face the compassionate side of me would automatically want to check that the person is ok. However I was served by someone with a facial scar or limb missing I wouldn't be concerned about their safety as it's a different thing altogether.

But how could you check that they were OK? In a meaningful way that would actually help the person?

I think we need to be realistic. Yes I would feel compassion for someone who had clearly had any kind of accident, incident or surgery, but my chances as a random stranger across a check out counter of being if anyone help are next to nothing.

Or is it more about reassuring ourselves?

I know from having a child that had serial surgery that numerous ‘concerned’ enquiries from people out and about do absolutely nothing to help, and often the opposite.

If you see someone fall it’s different, obviously.

Killahangilion · 25/05/2021 11:03

Hope the bruising heals quickly OP. Take care of yourself.
I’m wondering if your Boss is actually worried about your ED rather than covering up the bruises? I know I would be very concerned if you were one of my staff.

ChicFennel · 25/05/2021 11:11

I do a bit of martial arts, so I have turned up for work more than a few times with a black eye or various face bruises. It's my arms who get most of them, but I can wear long sleeves.

Ice (frozen peas) and Arnica are good.

You can't hide a bad bruise or a broken nose anyway, until they start fading at best you make them less noticeable.

If your boss didn't say anything, there's no issue?

cushioncovers · 25/05/2021 13:16

^
But how could you check that they were OK? In a meaningful way that would actually help the person?^

I would ask them.

NerrSnerr · 25/05/2021 13:39

@cushioncovers someone shouldn't feel they need to cover up a bruise because others feel the need to help them. It's really not appropriate to be asking the checkout person if they're ok in this scenario. Puts them in a position that they need to say how they acquired the injury as if they say they (rightly) don't want to tell a stranger they collapsed, walked into a door or got hit by a hockey ball the person asking assumes they've been attacked.

Blueemeraldagain · 25/05/2021 13:55

It’s a tricky one. I work in a job that can be very physical (I teach in an alternative provision for teenagers with social, emotional and mental health difficulties) and I bruise slightly easily. My DP (who works in the same AP) has asked me to wear long sleeves if we are going for dinner and I have finger or grab bruises on my arms. I do so because him being relaxed is important to me.
I don’t know if I’d do the same if my boss told me to though.....

cushioncovers · 25/05/2021 14:11

Nerr maybe not, but we don't live in a perfectly PC world so a very bruised face particularly on a women will attract attention. Not saying that's right but it is what happens. 🤷🏻‍♀️

shumway · 25/05/2021 14:55

I think it's a sign that you need to get some urgent treatment for your eating disorder and yes some time off sick from work because of that. When my sister had a relapse with her anorexia she fainted at work and hit her face on a door.

wingsnthat · 25/05/2021 17:05

Ooo that’s a good point about men hitting up injured women! When I was 23 I had a sprain with an ankle sleeve on, so nothing major. Many men commented on it though, including one who said “that looks really painful, you’re a trooper”. ?? My foot didn’t look any different from normal aside from being in the compression sock!

daisychain01 · 25/05/2021 17:08

Nothing useful to add, @PyongyangKipperbang other than to say take care, and see this as a new beginning to get in control of your ED with all the professional help you can get.

CutieBear · 25/05/2021 18:42

I hope this fainting episode and damage to your exterior has made you realise how serious your eating disorder is. I knew a woman in her 20s who died of heart failure after battling anorexia through her teens. I knew a woman who I always thought was (a frail) 70, but she was actually in her early 40s.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/05/2021 06:51

I had a thought - with all the discussion on this thread about people asking concerned questions re. domestic abuse/violence and how that might be upsetting/irritating - although on a personal level it might/could be, doesn't it show that society as a whole is beginning to realise how often it happens, and that more people are open to asking about it, rather than turning a blind eye and thinking it's "none of their business", which is what made it such a "behind closed doors" issue in the first place?

I think it's good that people would consider asking if you were ok and needed help - it's also good that you, specifically, don't need that kind of help, but if people are concerned enough to ask you, then hopefully they'd be concerned enough to ask someone else, who actually IS suffering DV at home, and it might be enough to help them get out.

Just a thought.

UpTheJunktion · 26/05/2021 07:03

@cushioncovers

^ But how could you check that they were OK? In a meaningful way that would actually help the person?^

I would ask them.

That is not meaningful.

A till assistant is not going to open up or disclose abuse to a random stranger in the middle of their shift across a conveyor belt if shopping when their work performs is judged partially on speed of throughput.

This thread demonstrates that people with visible injuries find enquiries from the public / strangers intrusive makes them feel ‘looked at’ rather than supportive. And you could be the sixth person that morning to ask.

cushioncovers · 26/05/2021 13:00

Not expecting them to open up but a simple 'you ok? ' doesn't hurt.

user1471538283 · 26/05/2021 16:52

I fell over a speed bump years ago and my face, arms and legs were a mess. I tried covering my bruised face with make up and it looked worse. After a few days the swelling had gone down but I was still very bruised. I just wore regular make up.

If your face is cut it is better not to wear any.

Cosmos45 · 26/05/2021 17:41

@AtoZed

Surely you'll be on sick leave until the bruising goes?

Eh? Why on earth would someone be on sick leave because of some bruising if they are fit to work? And followed up with a confused face as well! (some people are as odd as hell...)

fallfallfall · 26/05/2021 18:07

I wouldn’t consider someone who is at risk of collapse (heart condition, epilepsy, diabetes) “fit” until under a drs care condition controlled and possibly work adjustments.
Severe bruising should never be normalized to the point no questions are asked.

bruffin · 26/05/2021 18:21

@fallfallfall
What about if you got the bruises by accident.
I fell over the door step because cat dashed in front of me and like OP face planted the cement floor, i was working from home at the time and off on holiday for 2 weeks after but there was no reason i wasnt fit for work or going out in public.

OwlBeThere · 26/05/2021 18:21

I used to be an amateur boxer in my younger years she was forever going into work with black eyes and bruises. I didn’t cover them as that makes it looks like I have something to hide, which I didn’t.

It’s not your bosses business.

I hope you get some help for your ED soon, @PyongyangKipperbang. But in the meantime you don’t have to hide anything.

Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/05/2021 01:10

Hi all

Sorry for being a bit snippy the other night, I think I was still feeling a bit crappy.

As it is ...yes I have realised that I need help with my eating. Long story short......I was very big and was in an abusive relationship. The relationship was forcibly ended by the police after a particularly bad incident that ended in him trying to strangle me. dont get me wrong, I want out but it was the old story of being scared to stay but too terrified of his reaction to leave. Then I lost a lot weight. Went from a size 20/22 ish to size 10 by low carbing (and trauma). And now I think in my head I have lined up being big with being beaten, so I have a real fear of getting fat again. I dont want to lose anymore weight but I get very scared at the thought of putting anymore on. This has lead to me eating a sparse diet in a very sporadic way.

So I am looking at what sort of treatment I need, and in the meantime I am making sure my blood sugars are stable, increasing my carb intake a little at a time in a way I feel ok with (I had toast for the first time in a year today!) and drinking a lot of water as my bloods showed I wasnt drinking enough which is a problem going back years, nothing to do with ED and everything to do with being too lazy to walk to the tap :o

At work today and got a lot of people making sure that the DIDNT look at my face whilst looking when they thought I couldnt see. A few people asked, one of the regulars said "Blimey, who did you fight with?!" and I said "The patio, turns out the patio is tougher than it looks" and we had a laugh. Asked if I knew why I fainted and it turns out that he is T1 and was very sympathetic, so that was nice. I would rather people asked but either way, no one appeared to be offended much less the small children I talked to.

Thanks for your help

OP posts:

Tavannach · 27/05/2021 01:17

Ice (frozen peas) and Arnica are good.

^This. Get the Arnica cream.

A few people asked, one of the regulars said "Blimey, who did you fight with?!" and I said "The patio, turns out the patio is tougher than it looks"

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/06/2021 08:44

Wishing you the best, OP

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