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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not cover my bruises?

124 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/05/2021 22:56

I collapsed yesterday due to v low blood sugar and was taken to hospital, I am not diabetic but I hadnt eaten properly as I have an ED (yes, I have accepted that I need help with this and am looking into the best type of help for my issues).

Thing is, I was by the back door, went down like a tree (I am told, I dont remember a thing) and face planted onto the patio. I now look like I have been whacked in the face with a frying a la Tom and Jerry! I am leaving them as they are, as I tried hiding them and frankly I think they look more obvious when I try to hide them. I have a swollen nose that I was lucky nt to break and a massive black eye. Not easy to hide.

My mother (and my boss, who didnt say anything but I can just tell) think that I should cover them up. I know my mother thinks people will think I was either a) fighting or b) drunk :o

I think its healthier to keep them uncovered as there was some broken skin. I am happy to tell anyone what happened who asks and my boss has seen my discharge notes so knows I am not lying about what happened so whats the problem?

OP posts:

JSL52 · 25/05/2021 06:48

I can't believe people saying it's 'inappropriate' , 'attention seeking' or to go off sick
I'm sorry you've hurt yourself , your boss is an idiot.

Thomasina79 · 25/05/2021 06:50

@Gingerodgers

A bit attention seeking maybe...

How can going into work with bruises after an accident possibly be attention seeking??

What a strange response!

newnortherner111 · 25/05/2021 06:52

Hope you are better soon. No need to cover up.

daisypond · 25/05/2021 06:56

Don’t cover up with make-up. Would a man do that?

AbsolutelyPatsy · 25/05/2021 07:04

sick leave sounds a good plan, either that or cover the bruises, imo

daisypond · 25/05/2021 07:07

Definitely not sick leave. As you say, you aren’t sick, so going on sick leave could get you in trouble.

Queenoftheashes · 25/05/2021 07:08

Jesus Christ some of these comments !! Some people have permanent scarring on that face. If someone had acid thrown in their face do they never get to work in public again? It might “upset” people. Ffs. It’s like when parents complained that presenter on cbeebies with a limb difference was upsetting their kids. Do what you feel is best op.

lazyarse123 · 25/05/2021 07:21

I went in to work with a massive bruise complete with black eye after running to bring the washing in when it started raining and skidded into the corner of the house. I worked on a till and just told people the truth if they asked but I found afterwards that staff had been discussing if my dh had done it as we were arguing quite a bit at the time. I was absolutely furious and had a proper go at them because if they were concerned about me surely they would have asked and not gossiped.
Don't cover it op.

IdoIdoIdoOoh · 25/05/2021 07:23

I have a black eye at the moment and did have a couple more bruise like marks on my face.
This was from last week and it has started to fade now.
I didn't try to cover it at all and went into work.
My boss was awkward and acted like he didn't notice and a couple of people asked what happened and I told them.
There's no need for you to try and cover it up if you don't want to, you know the reason for it and can share that with people if you want.
I just figured that although a black eye/facial bruising was unsightly I wouldn't try and cover a bruise on my leg or anywhere else and didn't want to touch the area by trying to put makeup on. Facial bruising looks worse when you've tried to cover it too.

Most people didn't mention it but definitely noticed it, I can only assume what they thought had happened as even a couple of my friends Said that it was good that I was single or people would think my partner did it but I know what happened and quite frankly don't care what people think.

I hope your bruising goes down soon.

LagunaBubbles · 25/05/2021 07:29

Be prepared for a constant flow of people asking what happened!

NewlyGranny · 25/05/2021 07:31

It's a season to be thinking of and caring for yourself, OP, not centring others and inconveniencing yourself for their imagined comfort.

ipswichwitch · 25/05/2021 07:43

Absolutely.

Why on earth would anyone think it’s attention seeking to not cover the bruising? Is it attention seeking to go out with a cast on your arm, or using crutches? It’s an injury like any other and the op doesn’t owe it to anyone else to attempt a cover up that’s probably going to make it look worse anyway.

Tal45 · 25/05/2021 07:45

@Gingerodgers

A bit attention seeking maybe...

What an idiotic thing to say. The OP fell on her face, of course she's not attention seeking by going to work with lumps and bruises. You do you OP, but please get as much help and support with the ED as you can x

Crockof · 25/05/2021 07:48

As a pp poster said , the majority of those in a domestic violence situation do not get bruised where others can see.

Covered up, if you don't normally wear make up, would look worse imo as it is if you have something to hide.

EveningOverRooftops · 25/05/2021 07:51

If you cover them I can’t help but think it’s about hiding your ED too and as you’ve said in your OP you know it’s a problem and are taking some steps to deal with it.

Showing the bruises and people asking how/why could be a good step in your path to get better just take it easy with who and how you tell.

And no, not being unreasonable to not cover them. If work has an issue then work can make a temporary change and place you somewhere else though I don’t think that’s at all appropriate.

kowari · 25/05/2021 07:54

I would expect the same treatment as a man from my employer. I don't wear make up and don't know how to use it.

IdoIdoIdoOoh · 25/05/2021 07:59

@LagunaBubbles

Be prepared for a constant flow of people asking what happened!

I have a black eye at the moment and I've found the opposite. People avoid it awkwardly

Zzelda · 25/05/2021 08:05

When DSis had a big black eye after being mugged, she was quite often stopped by people who assumed it was due to domestic violence and who told her she should LTB. It was perhaps fortunate that she wasn't in any relationship at the time, it could have been tough on her partner.

If your employer doesn't like this, I assume they could give you some work behind the scenes?

UpTheJunktion · 25/05/2021 08:13

Poor you OP.

People really need to STFU, don’t they? Your Mum, and the public who assume that it is always OK to ask a stranger questions or make comments about an injury or physical condition.

If you need time off work to heal and regain some strength, take it. If you are fit for work and want to go in, just hold your head high and get on with it.

“Fell and crashed in to our patio” should suffice, and change the subject.

I hope the swelling goes down soon.

cushioncovers · 25/05/2021 08:14

You shouldn't have to cover them up but be prepared for members of the public in the supermarket to be constantly asking you what's happened or mentioning it to the help desk. It could be a trigger for some people and frightening for others to see a person with a battered face.

HoppingPavlova · 25/05/2021 08:19

i don't think it's appropriate to go into work looking like your face has recently been bashed in. like it or not the attention is on you not the customer. different if your in the warehouse organizing or bookkeeping in a back room.

That’s a joke surely? I’ve had a few accidents over the years ending up looking like I’d gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson, all genuine accidents. So have colleagues, including one hit by a car and luckily just bruising but face was not pretty. I can’t imagine the response if we called in and informed management we’d be sitting at home twiddling our thumbs until our faces were okay again and that this is a necessity given we treat patients and don’t work in a warehouse or bookkeep in a back room. I imagine there’d be a considerable period of silence where they were trying to comprehend. It’s not something where you would be deemed unfit to work, that’s laughable. There would also be no expectation of covering it up, although in a lot of cases I think that would be impossible without stage make-up anyway.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 25/05/2021 08:27

a relative went to work with a black eye and her less than D H complained that people would think it was him that caused it

Lalliella · 25/05/2021 08:28

@Gingerodgers

A bit attention seeking maybe...

Ffs do you not see how damaging and stupid this is to say to someone, especially someone with an ED?

OP if you were a man nobody would be having this debate. It’s your body, your face, you should do what makes you most comfortable. It doesn’t affect your ability to do your job and will heal better if not covered so I would be inclined to leave it uncovered personally.

Hope you get the help you need soon

bruffin · 25/05/2021 08:30

@PyongyangKipperbang
I had a post on here the other week whether people would think my black eye was caused by my husband beating or not, i did similar to you and face planted on a concrete floor by tripping on step. A lot of posters said they would assume DV, which is really sad. I know my DH thought that people would think he did it.

I was speaking to someone last week , who had been punched in the street by a cyclist!!! and she was really upset by lots of jokes by her colleagues about he husband beating her.

AtoZed · 25/05/2021 08:33

@PyongyangKipperbang just thought that you might be shaken up after the fall and might need a couple of days to recover?

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