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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not cover my bruises?

124 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/05/2021 22:56

I collapsed yesterday due to v low blood sugar and was taken to hospital, I am not diabetic but I hadnt eaten properly as I have an ED (yes, I have accepted that I need help with this and am looking into the best type of help for my issues).

Thing is, I was by the back door, went down like a tree (I am told, I dont remember a thing) and face planted onto the patio. I now look like I have been whacked in the face with a frying a la Tom and Jerry! I am leaving them as they are, as I tried hiding them and frankly I think they look more obvious when I try to hide them. I have a swollen nose that I was lucky nt to break and a massive black eye. Not easy to hide.

My mother (and my boss, who didnt say anything but I can just tell) think that I should cover them up. I know my mother thinks people will think I was either a) fighting or b) drunk :o

I think its healthier to keep them uncovered as there was some broken skin. I am happy to tell anyone what happened who asks and my boss has seen my discharge notes so knows I am not lying about what happened so whats the problem?

OP posts:
NotMaryWhitehouse · 25/05/2021 02:59

@Maggiesfarm I'm Not sure you're thinking of the right ED.........

Seafog · 25/05/2021 02:59

Just say you fell, no one will be expecting details, and it's not that big of a deal. I think most people will have either done it themselves or know someone who has.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 25/05/2021 02:59

@Maggiesfarm

You dont get that an eating disorder would lead me to not eat?! The less you eat the less you want to eat and feeling hunger pains is normal. At least it is for me.

@Gingerodgers

And absolutely the opposite of attention seeking. I would rather say "I had a fall and landed on my face!" than make an issue out of trying and failing to hide the bruises which, to me, implies DV.

OP posts:
Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 25/05/2021 03:03

@Maggiesfarm

Yeah I think we are misunderstanding each other, I have an eating disorder (ED) which is why I didnt eat and then went off on one to face plant!

OP posts:
KittyConCarne · 25/05/2021 03:04

Maggiesfarm
Your sympathy is heartfelt, but I think OP means an eating disorder for ED, not what you were thinking x

Maggiesfarm · 25/05/2021 03:06

Pyong, I'm sorry. I am confused. I thought you were a man with erectile dysfunction who had previously been with another man who was abusive.

I am embarrassed now. However the rest of what I said is valid.

You take care of yourself! Good luck.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 25/05/2021 03:07

@Maggiesfarm

Pyong, I'm sorry. I am confused. I thought you were a man with erectile dysfunction who had previously been with another man who was abusive.

I am embarrassed now. However the rest of what I said is valid.

You take care of yourself! Good luck.

Oh dont be embarrassed! I re-read my OP and can see how easily it could be misread.

Thank you for caring :)

OP posts:
Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 25/05/2021 03:09

And thanks all.

I am off for a couple of days so hopefully the swelling will have gone down. Either way, I wont be covering it up.

OP posts:
lborgia · 25/05/2021 03:12

I bruise very easily and have had many a physio/dentist etc ask gentle questions about if everything is OK.

I’m pretty upfront about it, and say “I had an argument with...” and in your case it would be the patio.

I think if it’s obvious you’ve had an accident, not got a rash or something that might imply a communicable disease, then I’d just leave it alone. I truly cannot imagine anyone not buying a coffee because of it, and if they ask if you’re alright, then you just breezily say at least you’re well enough to be at work!

If your boss is offended enough to suggest you cover it up, then you need to be on sick pay I think. Which may explain why you got an eyebrow, and not an actual order to cover up?

lborgia · 25/05/2021 03:13

Xpost

Chickmad · 25/05/2021 03:16

Can I recommend arnica tablets and hirudoid cream to help with easing the pain and speeding up the healing process.
I have a condition where I bruise very easily and quite deeply and hirudoid cream is super effective.

I hope you feel better soon.

unwuthering · 25/05/2021 03:44

@PyongyangKipperbang

I work in a supermarket if that is relevant.
Well that explains it. I think the thing is that as you are customer facing to whatever degree it makes for an uncomfortable/uneasy shopping experience. Everyone is going to have to suppress the thought that you are in a violent relationship...

I once split my eyebrow open on the corner of a cabinet and my whole eye area was bruised and swollen and no-one asked me directly, but it was clear it was assumed I'd been bashed by "my man" - only I was single. If I'd said that, they'd probably have thought I was trying to cover my sad situation up. It was very awkward, seeing the looks cross their faces.

It is more worrying that you say you have an eating disorder and are 'looking into the best type of help'; there is very little good help in this area and it can be very hard to access. If you are fainting and smashing your face in, this is really not good, along with a host of other negative outcomes. I really hope you can find some suitable, supportive, and helpful treatment.

Iquitit · 25/05/2021 04:14

I've had a similar situation, belted a corker unawares by a dementia patient and got a shiner. It can unfortunately, be part of the job.
My bosses told me that I 'had' to wear concealer to cover it, only not much good when it sweats off in the first 5 minutes! They did offer that they would 'let me' go off sick, but as I actually wasn't not sure a Dr would have anyway, and as they expected me to do it on SSP the answer was no I'm afraid. Full pay and I would have considered it but I simply couldn't afford to unfortunately.
Their rationale was that it could upset the ladies family or other residents, fair enough, but I don't see why I had to lose out financially for that, they didn't see why they had to either, but as I was fit to work, they couldn't force me.

Unfortunately people who work in customer facing jobs have accidents, unless you're telling every customer that you got beaten to a pulp or something, a simple "I had an accident" would suffice, should anyone ask. If it makes people feel uncomfortable to the point where managers feel that you shouldn't be there, then they need to give you paid leave imo.

Myrighteyeball · 25/05/2021 04:23

Your DM can sod right off. It's none of her business.

Your boss gets no say either unless there is something in your contract to the contrary (and there won't be). So boss has to either accept that you will be dealing with customers with a bruised face or offer sick leave at full pay so you don't have to see customers.

And as PPs have said if anyone asks just tell them you fell over.

user1632477324668886543 · 25/05/2021 04:36

I'd be more worried about a stranger who had a swollen, injured face that they had tried to "hide" with makeup.

People with facial injuries and disfigurement shouldn't have to hide away.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 25/05/2021 04:41

Oh lordy, I did just laugh out loud at the confusion between erectile dysfunction and eating disorder! Grin

Sorry, @PyongyangKipperbang - not even remotely funny that you're in this situation though.

I agree with "don't cover up" - you don't want to get the skin damage infected in any way. And yes, if people ask, then it's an easy answer, isn't it?

CokeDrinker · 25/05/2021 05:46

If there is broken skin, naturally you should cover it up to protect against germs entering the broken skin barrier. Leave the bruises where the skin isn't broken uncovered. But certainly cover the broken skin parts.

CokeDrinker · 25/05/2021 05:51

Wait....you mean cover as in makeup? I thought you meant cover as in bandages or plaster. Hence my comment about a break in the skin should be covered.

ChateauMargaux · 25/05/2021 05:54

Lavender in rosehip oil after bathing you face in hypericum and calendula tincture diluted in water to help rapid healing.

HectorFights · 25/05/2021 06:01

@Gingerodgers

A bit attention seeking maybe...
It's attention seeking to bruise??? You realise all humans do it right?
Saltyslug · 25/05/2021 06:08

If you were a carer I’d say yes please cover to lessen concern and upset of clients. It’s a Supermarket job so for me would depend if your bruises would upset vulnerable members customers you know

fluffythedragonslayer · 25/05/2021 06:22

No, you don't need to cover up. You fell, you have a bruise. If YOU feel awkward or uncomfortable about it by all means make yourself feel better but it is no one else's place to say what you do with your own face.

Hope you are ok Flowers

AnnaMagnani · 25/05/2021 06:24

If you were a man, would you be having this discussion about cover bruises in makeup in a customer facing role?

No.

People get bruises. It happens. No-one really minds, except those that have them.

To me, it speaks volumes that your mum's main concern was that your bruises might upset other people not how you are.

I went into work (as a doctor) with a black eye after an unfortunate accident making a self-assembly book case. As a non-makeup wearer it never occurred to me to cover it. No, my patients were not massively upset although some did ask, which was mortifingly as I sounded like I had a bad cover story for my boyfriend hitting me. But it was absolutely fine.

NerrSnerr · 25/05/2021 06:33

I agree that no one would suggest a man with a facial bruise wear make up to work to cover it up. What if someone has a birthmark or a scar on their face? Should they wear make up to avoid upsetting customers?

frumpety · 25/05/2021 06:40

My first thought is ouch ! hope you feel better soon Smile

If there is broken skin, I don't think covering it in make up is a good idea and might slow healing or possibly introdue infection.

I hope you get some help with your ED soon, its a worry you fainting and it sounds as though you got off quite lightly with your fall this time, although it probably doesn't feel that way at the moment Flowers

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