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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want drivers to be considerate

100 replies

hatescarseats · 24/05/2021 22:27

For some reason my children despise carseats when babies. They scream that awful cry as though they are being tortured which makes me impatient as a driver as I just want to stop and get them out. I never tail any cars but I will use the horn if they don't move when they should eg when light turns green and driver in front not realised

My son threw up in the car yesterday. Naturally I pulled over and cleaned him up as much as possible then wanted to get home as quickly as possible. Less than 10mins away but feels like torture when they are screaming. Driver in front stopped in the middle of the road - not pulled over but stopped right in the middle. Cars parked on both sides so he/she was not parking as nowhere to parked. I beeped (short beep, not aggressively) and they put hazards on for 2 seconds, stayed there then started driving about 20 seconds later. They then drove at 10-15 mph for the rest of the drive to irritate me because I had beeped at them. I was stuck behind them for over a mile while my poor child was screaming in distress and had vomit on them. I was not going to overtake as not safe to do so. I kept my distance as did not want to annoy them but I still cant believe someone could be so petty.

AIBU to want drivers to consider the circumstances of others? I could not avoid the car journey/use public transport - I do drive as little as possible as his screaming is absolute torture but it makes me so upset that he had to scream for that much longer because a driver was so unbelievably petty for no reason.

OP posts:
JayAlfredPrufrock · 24/05/2021 22:30

What an arse. You were far more patient than I would have been.

thecatwithnoeyes · 24/05/2021 22:31

Driver in front stopped in the middle of the road - not pulled over but stopped right in the middle. Cars parked on both sides so he/she was not parking as nowhere to parked. I beeped (short beep, not aggressively) and they put hazards on for 2 seconds, stayed there then started driving about 20 seconds later. They then drove at 10-15 mph for the rest of the drive to irritate me because I had beeped at them.

It didn't cross your mind they stopped and put the hazards on when you beeped to let you know there was a problem? That they drove slowly because something was wrong?

NannyR · 24/05/2021 22:32

The driver could have had a really good reason why they needed to briefly stop and they don't know what is happening in your car or why you beeped your horn.

MamaWeasel · 24/05/2021 22:34

Perhaps there was a problem that caused them to stop, and then drive slowly. Perhaps YOU should be more considerate.

topwings · 24/05/2021 22:35

While I empathise with your situation, you can't know why they stopped or that they were driving slowly to annoy you.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 24/05/2021 22:35

Hang on, but you have no idea why they stopped or why they drove slow.

Imagine this with a slightly different narrative from the perspective of the person in the car in front.

'I was driving down a road with my screaming baby in the back seat, desperately looking for a space, the road was full of cars on either side. I needed to just stop and find babies dummy to calm them down so pulled over as much as I could, unfortunately double parked but I only needed a few seconds, so put the hazards on. Bugger behind me started beeping their horn before I could find the dummy so I just drove on, even though baby was still screaming. Couldn't concentrate, still looking for a space so went slow, but they were right on my arse the whole time. Why so impatient, why so inconsiderate.....'

Really OP, how can you possibly know that they went slow just to irritate you?

JayAlfredPrufrock · 24/05/2021 22:37

Give over. If there’s a problem you pull over. You can be arrested for driving below the speed limit.

Original poster
hatescarseats · 24/05/2021 22:38

They sped up to 30 as soon as they saw I was turning off the road

OP posts:
steff13 · 24/05/2021 22:39

You can be arrested for driving below the speed limit? Here you could get a citation, but you wouldn't be arrested.

I think it's possible the other driver was experiencing mechanical issues..

Original poster
hatescarseats · 24/05/2021 22:40

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo

Hang on, but you have no idea why they stopped or why they drove slow.

Imagine this with a slightly different narrative from the perspective of the person in the car in front.

'I was driving down a road with my screaming baby in the back seat, desperately looking for a space, the road was full of cars on either side. I needed to just stop and find babies dummy to calm them down so pulled over as much as I could, unfortunately double parked but I only needed a few seconds, so put the hazards on. Bugger behind me started beeping their horn before I could find the dummy so I just drove on, even though baby was still screaming. Couldn't concentrate, still looking for a space so went slow, but they were right on my arse the whole time. Why so impatient, why so inconsiderate.....'

Really OP, how can you possibly know that they went slow just to irritate you?

There were countless spaces over the following mile where they could have pulled over and let me (and the queue behind me) pass. That's what I do if I know I am going slow and need to for any reason
OP posts:
Original poster
hatescarseats · 24/05/2021 22:41

@thecatwithnoeyes

Driver in front stopped in the middle of the road - not pulled over but stopped right in the middle. Cars parked on both sides so he/she was not parking as nowhere to parked. I beeped (short beep, not aggressively) and they put hazards on for 2 seconds, stayed there then started driving about 20 seconds later. They then drove at 10-15 mph for the rest of the drive to irritate me because I had beeped at them.

It didn't cross your mind they stopped and put the hazards on when you beeped to let you know there was a problem? That they drove slowly because something was wrong?

There was lots of space to pull over about 300m after they stopped and for the rest of the drive where they could have pulled over and let me and those behind me pass safely. They were parking spaces, not even yellow lines

OP posts:
SuperMonkeys · 24/05/2021 22:41

You sound equally inconsiderate tbh

bubblebath62636 · 24/05/2021 22:42

I think you need to chill out op.

You beep your horn when drivers aren't quick enough but get annoyed when others drive a bit slower?

For all you know they could be having a technical issue/bad day/medical issue.

thecatwithnoeyes · 24/05/2021 22:42

OP I'm sure you will just keep posting about how wrong they were and how right you are but if you just take a step back you will see a different picture.

MyChemicalMummy · 24/05/2021 22:43

Ok so one you don't know what was happening in or with their car to stop and put the hazards on, perhaps they was driving slow because their clutch had gone.

Two, they didn't know you had a screaming baby in you car.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 24/05/2021 22:44

Maybe they thought you didn't deserve their consideration after you decided not to show them any. Seriously you have described that they stopped for 30 seconds, only a couple of seconds before you beeped at them. If I were them I certainly wouldn't have put myself out to be nice to you. I would have had no idea what was happening in your car just as you had no idea what was happening in theirs.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 24/05/2021 22:44

I think you were a twat to beep at them for a few seconds delay. They were probably lost and trying to get their bearings. You should have pulled over and sorted out the child, not beeped impatiently.

BeeUffy · 24/05/2021 22:45

You sound like a dick driver.

Original poster
hatescarseats · 24/05/2021 22:46

I'm far from perfect and I will admit that I am much more anxious in the car with a screaming baby in the back. However if I have slowed down for any reason and someone behind me is in a rush, first thing I would do is move aside and let them go.

The car sped up to speed limit when they saw me indicate that I was turning off. That's when it hit me they had done it deliberately and it really upset me that they did it out of spite

OP posts:
BackforGood · 24/05/2021 22:46

YANBU to want people to be considerate.
I'd include not beeping your horn at people as part of that.

Just the same as the person in the car in front had no idea why you had no patience today, you have no idea what was going on in their life either. You don't know why they stopped, or what might have been wrong with their car.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 24/05/2021 22:47

If there is something wrong with your car you pull over.

wingsnthat · 24/05/2021 22:48

The world doesn’t revolve around you or your children though - no one else was to know your car reeked of vomit and your child was screaming like a banshee. Although I sympathise, that’s your own personal problem unfortunately. You know your child doesn’t tolerate car journeys well and will scream in distress, but you made the journey regardless. It’s difficult for you, but no drivers can read minds.

As others have said, you could be more courteous to over road users. Which is ironic as that’s what you’re asking them to be for you. Sometimes in life, if you want a change, you have to be that change yourself.

If you think other drivers are purposely driving carelessly or dangerously, invest in a dash cam so you can provide evidence

Original poster
hatescarseats · 24/05/2021 22:49

Would you not beep your horn if road is empty and someone comes to a standstill in the middle of the road for no reason and with no warning?

OP posts:
katieg03 · 24/05/2021 22:49

I thought the highway code stated that horn is to be used to alert someone of a danger? You are blasting your horn if people aren't quick enough off the mark at a traffic light.. is that right? Exactly where did you pull over on a main road? It's hard to tell from your description. Assume you out your hazards on?

Original poster
hatescarseats · 24/05/2021 22:50

@katieg03

I thought the highway code stated that horn is to be used to alert someone of a danger? You are blasting your horn if people aren't quick enough off the mark at a traffic light.. is that right? Exactly where did you pull over on a main road? It's hard to tell from your description. Assume you out your hazards on?

I pulled over in a parking space to clean him up and comfort him. Then put him back in carseat to drive home when this driver suddenly stopped with no warning or indication

OP posts: