Page 2 | To want drivers to be considerate

hatescarseats · 2021-05-24T21:27:27+00:00

For some reason my children despise carseats when babies. They scream that awful cry as though they are being tortured which makes me impatient as a driver as I just want to stop and get them out. I never tail any cars but I will use the horn if they don't move when they should eg when light turns green and driver in front not realised My son threw up in the car yesterday. Naturally I pulled over and cleaned him up as much as possible then wanted to get home as quickly as possible. Less than 10mins away but feels like torture when they are screaming. Driver in front stopped in the middle of the road - not pulled over but stopped right in the middle. Cars parked on both sides so he/she was not parking as nowhere to parked. I beeped (short beep, not aggressively) and they put hazards on for 2 seconds, stayed there then started driving about 20 seconds later. They then drove at 10-15 mph for the rest of the drive to irritate me because I had beeped at them. I was stuck behind them for over a mile while my poor child was screaming in distress and had vomit on them. I was not going to overtake as not safe to do so. I kept my distance as did not want to annoy them but I still cant believe someone could be so petty. AIBU to want drivers to consider the circumstances of others? I could not avoid the car journey/use public transport - I do drive as little as possible as his screaming is absolute torture but it makes me so upset that he had to scream for that much longer because a driver was so unbelievably petty for no reason.

wingsnthat · 24/05/2021 22:52

To the police that is*

To be honest, I don’t think driving is for you. You admit that you’re anxious and that you’re even more anxious when your child is upset…whilst simultaneously acknowledging they will certainly get upset in the car. You’re constantly driving whilst feeling highly stressed. The Highway Code states that you shouldn’t be driving when emotions are high like this and that you should be patient and considerate to other road users. If this scenario was a theory test question, your response wouldn’t have been the winning answer.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 24/05/2021 22:55

Sounds like the car stopped (broke down) and then allowed them to restart in ‘limp home’ mode - meaning it can only be driven slowly and you don’t stop again until you get home or to a garage. (This has happened to me).

You really need to get your impatience under control when driving. Your horn shouldn’t be used as you are and you’ll be booked if a traffic officer catches you at it. You sound like an accident waiting to happen.

mooonstone · 24/05/2021 22:58

The more I read OP’s posts, the more I think that justice has truly been served !

Congratulations OP, you just got a satisfying taste of your own medicine. Not all road users will let you essentially bully them, some will stoop to your level and give you what you deserve

Original poster

hatescarseats · 24/05/2021 23:05

I guess I'm completely in the wrong.

In my defence, I don't beep aggressively, just a short tap at the horn and it's not frequent. Only time I can think of is when someone is at light that's changed and can see they are not looking ahead because they've glanced in mirror/backseat. People have done it to me before and I've always waved to thank them as I move off, never seen it as an insult

It just really upset me when this driver sped up as I signalled I was leaving the road

OP posts:

Scrumptiousbears · 24/05/2021 23:12

You are BU.

What I do suggest is a portable DVD player. Stopped my DD from crying when she was a baby when we had to drive. A bit of Raa Raa the noisy Lion did wonders.

mooonstone · 24/05/2021 23:13

if you’re so convinced that this driver was purposely annoying you, and as there were apparently many parking spaces en route, why didn’t you just park up for a minute and wait for them leave? You seem sure they were being petty and difficult, but didn’t take any action to try to diffuse the situation

Would you not beep your horn if road is empty and someone comes to a standstill in the middle of the road for no reason and with no warning?

You’re only supposed to beep when warning others you are there to prevent collision, not to show your impatience/annoyance. A competent driver would carefully assess the road with their full attention and keep a safe distance from the vehicle in front to begin with. Therefore if it slows down or stops, it’s not unexpected and you would be prepared to safely stop yourself. But you don’t sound competent if you’re regularly driving whilst impatient and stressed out.

DixonD · 24/05/2021 23:15

@hatescarseats

I guess I'm completely in the wrong.

In my defence, I don't beep aggressively, just a short tap at the horn and it's not frequent. Only time I can think of is when someone is at light that's changed and can see they are not looking ahead because they've glanced in mirror/backseat. People have done it to me before and I've always waved to thank them as I move off, never seen it as an insult

It just really upset me when this driver sped up as I signalled I was leaving the road

Absolutely in the wrong.

Drivers like you piss me off. ANY tap of the horn sounds aggressive. It is an aggressive action.

Don’t drive if you cannot show consideration and patience for other road users.

GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 24/05/2021 23:15

OP - driving with kids can be a bit stressful. Take it easy. Be a bit more calm. There will always be traffic jams, slower drivers, people who need to pull over. It’s very rarely someone doing it to spite you. And do you know what, even if it is, let it go. You don’t want your kids to see you being her up and aggressive at the wheel.

GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 24/05/2021 23:15

Sorry het up

Original poster

hatescarseats · 24/05/2021 23:21

@mooonstone

if you’re so convinced that this driver was purposely annoying you, and as there were apparently many parking spaces en route, why didn’t you just park up for a minute and wait for them leave? You seem sure they were being petty and difficult, but didn’t take any action to try to diffuse the situation

Would you not beep your horn if road is empty and someone comes to a standstill in the middle of the road for no reason and with no warning?

You’re only supposed to beep when warning others you are there to prevent collision, not to show your impatience/annoyance. A competent driver would carefully assess the road with their full attention and keep a safe distance from the vehicle in front to begin with. Therefore if it slows down or stops, it’s not unexpected and you would be prepared to safely stop yourself. But you don’t sound competent if you’re regularly driving whilst impatient and stressed out.

I wasn't convinced they were annoying me during the drive. As I said, it hit me when they sped up as I signalled to turn off. I was going exactly what you said - keeping a safe distance from the outset which is why there was no collision when they unexpectedly stopped and I stayed at least 1 car length distance behind throughout the slow drive.

As many of you have pointed out, I was wrong to beep my horn and clearly am not using it correctly which I am glad I have been corrected on. However, I am a safe and careful driver who always maintains distance

OP posts:

Original poster

hatescarseats · 24/05/2021 23:26

@GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas

OP - driving with kids can be a bit stressful. Take it easy. Be a bit more calm. There will always be traffic jams, slower drivers, people who need to pull over. It’s very rarely someone doing it to spite you. And do you know what, even if it is, let it go. You don’t want your kids to see you being her up and aggressive at the wheel.

You've hit the nail on the head. I definitely don't want them to see me anxious as they get older. Desperately hope the screaming stops asap as I used to be very chilled out on the road before children came along.

I'm glad I've also been corrected on my use of the horn. I've never seen it as aggressive (both when other drivers beep at me and vice versa) but I can now see not everyone thinks like that and I shouldn't be using it like that to start with. Definite positive to this thread

OP posts:

2X4B523P · 25/05/2021 00:23

I would imagine the other driver sped up when you turned off as they no longer had someone who sounding their horn and then tailgating them. One car length is far too close even at 10mph. Assuming the roads were dry then at 10 to 15mph you would need a gap of 30 to 45 feet for an appropriate 2 second gap.

It can sometimes be difficult to estimate this so take a stationary object such as a lamppost, when the back of the car passes this say the phrase, at normal talking speed, "only a fool ingnores the two second rule". If you reach the landmark before finishing the phrase then your too close, this works for any speed. You need a 4 second gap if the roads are wet and 8 seconds in snow and ice.

slashlover · 25/05/2021 00:41

which makes me impatient
but feels like torture when they are screaming
much more anxious in the car with a screaming
I used to be very chilled out on the road before children came along.

You need to find a way to calm yourself when the baby is in the car,

SuperMonkeys · 25/05/2021 06:35

1 car length is nothing!

Monsterjam · 25/05/2021 06:46

I bet they did it because they felt you were driving too close.

Overthebow · 25/05/2021 06:53

@hatescarseats

Would you not beep your horn if road is empty and someone comes to a standstill in the middle of the road for no reason and with no warning?

No, I would assume something was wrong. You need to work on your patience.

newnortherner111 · 25/05/2021 06:54

Asking drivers to be more considerate has about as much chance of happening as having a week without rain in Manchester. Good luck though with your DS.

Ginuwine · 25/05/2021 07:00

@hatescarseats

You said "I wanted to get home as quickly as possible".

That doesn't give you the right to beep your horn at every minor infraction that slows you down while "performance commuting" between locations.

You are not Keanu in Speed. You are not Jason in the Transporter. Nothing about your journey is more important than the person in front of you..

... a person who may have had a very valid reason to stop (mechanical issues, visibility) and they put their hazards on to be considerate and explain their unusual stop. They could have been actually warning you of a hazard ahead.

Coming on here telling us about a screaming baby is somehow meant to be the all-encompassing and instantly acceptable explanation for bad road manners (your horn is there to alert drivers to danger, not to communicate your impatience).

YABVU. There might be a delivery driver outside a shop offloading next time, or a removals van reversing down a line of parked cars either side. UK roads are not the Nurburgring, you don't get to set your car's fastest time.

Find another way to deal with your perception of other drivers.

Crispychillibeef · 25/05/2021 07:03

As PPs have said, you need to work on your anxiety whilst driving. It's not safe and could lead to an accident. You need to learn to tune out the baby screaming - if it's just because they dislike their car seat then you know they're not in distress (not expecting you to do this for times when they are in distress of course)

You sound a bit road-ragey and it's not a healthy attitude.

Ginuwine · 25/05/2021 07:04

@hatescarseats

Would you not beep your horn if road is empty and someone comes to a standstill in the middle of the road for no reason and with no warning?

Your problem is right here in these three words "for no reason".

Everyone who drives, owns the road, so to speak. Everyone's journey is as valid as the next one.

The person in front of you had a reason to stop for 15 seconds. They moved on after what I would consider a very reasonable time.

If they had stopped for five minutes, blocking the road with no opportunity or recourse for overtake, then this would be the opportunity to inquire as to what's going on (perhaps they were taken ill at the wheel).

So no.. I wouldn't beep, personally. I just don't see everyone else as an obstacle to my "important journey".

jasjas1973 · 25/05/2021 07:09

@hatescarseats

Would you not beep your horn if road is empty and someone comes to a standstill in the middle of the road for no reason and with no warning?

No, because there are some right nutters about plus they did warn you, they put the hazards on.

For all know they also had a screaming child who'd thrown up everywhere and were panicking trying to clean it up, scared to stop in case you got out with your crowbar?

Original poster

hatescarseats · 25/05/2021 07:14

Just to be clear for those that do not know how to read. The other driver only put on their hazards because I beeped my horn. Prior to that, they were stopped in the middle of the road with no explanation. I beeped my horn after they were stopped for more than 30 seconds in the middle of a completely clear road - no oncoming traffic that they were letting pass, no-one reversing, no pedestrians. I would not have beeped the first time had they used hazards. I did NOT continue to beep after that, I took their hazards as an apology and waited for them to move. I did NOT tailgate them either. I did not show aggression and I only realised they were being deliberately spiteful when I signalled to leave the road and they sped up.

I hold my hands up that I used my horn incorrectly. It was not intended with aggression and where I am, drivers regularly beep to let others know to go. If someone does it to me, I don't take it as a sign of aggression.

There might be a delivery driver outside a shop offloading next time, or a removals van reversing down a line of parked cars either side.
Both of these reasons would be fine to stop and I would have no qualms if person in front of me had stopped for this, screaming baby or not. I would not have beeped or complained

I have learnt about using my horn wrongly which is a positive to this thread but I am going to leave it now as some posters are being nasty and aggressive and making up their own version of events.

OP posts:

LakieLady · 25/05/2021 07:21

Blimey, OP, you want to think yourself lucky you don't live round my way.

We have narrow roads with cars parked along one side, so often no room for 2 cars to pass. Delivery lorries have no choice but to stop in the middle of the road. I had to wait for 10 minutes the other day, one house in my road was having a load of bricks craned into their front garden, so I turned around (99 point turn!) to go the other way, only to find a scaffolding lorry blocking the next road.

They said they'd be done in two minutes, but it was nearer 10.

Original poster

hatescarseats · 25/05/2021 07:28

@LakieLady

Blimey, OP, you want to think yourself lucky you don't live round my way.

We have narrow roads with cars parked along one side, so often no room for 2 cars to pass. Delivery lorries have no choice but to stop in the middle of the road. I had to wait for 10 minutes the other day, one house in my road was having a load of bricks craned into their front garden, so I turned around (99 point turn!) to go the other way, only to find a scaffolding lorry blocking the next road.

They said they'd be done in two minutes, but it was nearer 10.

I have experienced this before too although in my case there was no alternative route so couldn't turn around! It was unavoidable so I wasn't angry at the time, just turned off my engine and called a friend until they were done! Thankfully no screaming baby in the car as it was on the way to work but I want to say I would have just got him out the car seat and played with him if he was screaming

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/05/2021 07:29

I don’t think you should have peeped your horn when they stopped for such a short time. It’s quite an aggressive sound even if you don’t mean it to be - meant to alert drivers to your presence, for an example in an emergency, not for you to chastise or chivvy them up. It can also shock pedestrians passing by unnecessarily if there’s no reason to sound it.

They shouldn’t have done the driving slowly thing, I agree. It was inconsiderate to all the people behind you as well. But you do have to have patience to drive on the roads, which it sounds like you really didn’t have.