To ask if my baby can attend my friends wedding

[abystarrs]

My friend is getting married in August and has invited me and my husband only.

Their wedding will be in Chester (where they live) we live in Birmingham.
From our house to the venue it’s 1hr 50minutes.

We have a 5 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed.

I don’t feel comfortable leaving our baby overnight (I know it’s 3 months away but I’m not ready to leave him yet and doubt that will change much in 3 months) and especially as we won’t be “just around the corner” and can’t get home quickly.

My mum has offered to come to the hotel with us and watch our son whilst my husband and I attend the wedding, which would mean I can keep popping out to feed him where possible, but the hotel is fully booked and taken up by wedding guests (we have a room booked)

I’ve spoken to a mutual friend who said she is having trouble finding a sitter for her 10 year old daughter but our friend (the bride) has specified to her absolutely no children can attend the wedding.

I really respect my friends decision but I’m wondering if it would be completely unreasonable of me to ask if I can take my son considering he’s just a baby.

I don’t think I’m going to be able to attend otherwise, and whilst I don’t want to put my friend in an awkward position I also really don’t want to leave my son overnight being so far away.

AIBU?

My child was bottle fed by eight months, still wouldn’t have left him. Would have no issues with not attending a wedding , happy to decline but would not be happy if someone suggested I was wrong for declining the invite . Yes children are a choice but no one is not going to have children so they can attend a wedding !

I wouldn’t leave my bf 8 month old all day or overnight. He is a lot less dependant on breastfeeding now then when he was 5 months of course but still feeds 3 times a day.

but I now realise people who don't have kids yet have no idea. Having now had two kids themselves I think they would look back and think it was unreasonable
Why would they? They were your kids, not theirs.

The nastiness on this thread towards childfree women / women who had childfree weddings is quite something to behold. Not everyone finds your children as enchanting as you do

This.

'i was quite shocked they wouldn't make an exception for a tiny baby, .'

What part of CHILD FREE WEDDING is so hard to understand?

'but I now realise people who don't have kids yet have no idea'

And many parents have no idea how upsetting / painful / disruptive / annoying it can be to have children around, even your teeny tiny breastfed ones

[quote Wondergirl100]@Peachesarepeach I think the reason people will never stop questioning child free weddings is because they are deeply inconvenient for some guests - and weddings end up often being fairly inconvenient in lots of ways for guests - ie travel, costs, days off, accommodation - it is just another way often that the day is a hassle for guests.

I also think it's obvious that a big party could be a fun thing for mixed generations - there were some kids at mine and it was lovely seeing them run around with each other having fun - isnt that the point of family get togethers?

I do understand why people have to limit children or not have them or may not be keen - but it's also obvious why a lot of people would prefer weddings to be big family do type things where they don't have to make complex child care arrangements for tiny babies[/quote]
But surely it's all just a personal choice?

I didn't want children at my wedding. I understood that might've been a ball ache for my guests and sorry if that had meant they couldn't come but that's how I wanted it - thankfully everyone had Childcare.

Yup it was selfish, but I was paying a few grand and that's what we wanted.

Equally I don't take my kids to weddings now as I and they prefer for them not to go.

But I don't judge anyone who makes alternative decisions. It's the judging I can't stand on these threads.

Just decline if you don’t want to leave your child.

And to all those insisting that weddings are family occasions - they are not. They are whatever the bride and groom want them to be.

Yes children are a choice but no one is not going to have children so they can attend a wedding !
Who in the name of Jaysus suggested such a thing? Oh that's right - nobody.

Off the scale hype

@GreyhoundG1rl

What I’m shocked by is the lengths people are suggesting the OP should go to to accommodate this, all the while insisting the bride / groom make no accomodatjon. To be fair, lots of people told her not to bloody go if it's such a problem 😂 The bride and groom don't have to make any accommodation whatsoever for other people's uninvited children. That's how the world works. All the posters saying they'd do it differently are missing the point.

Honestly I think you aren’t listening/ are missing the point.

Yes all people are indeed free to be as self absorbed as they like, and no one has any obligations to accommodate anyone else’s needs/ wants/ desires/ weddings/ family circumstances if they choose not to.

I can’t disagree with you. 🤷🏼‍♀️
(Although it’s certainly not how my world works Most of the time in practice 🤷🏼‍♀️).

Well, the amount of people who are shouting bridezilla and labelling women who don’t want children at their weddings as self obsessed and bad for life partners is really something on this thread. We didn’t have kids at our wedding and it wasn’t just my choice, my husband didn’t want them there either. No one shouting groomzilla or having a go at men though is there. Just women unnecessarily attacking other women... great.

I actually think the attitude to people who don’t want to leave their babies is pretty shocking too. Just do what is right for you, have the wedding you want, don’t leave your child. Just don’t suggest others are making the wrong decision because you would do differently.

@Chamonixshoopshoop

Of course an EBF baby can’t go without Mum! You’re their food and drink! Don’t go! Bride has made her stance clear She’ll be divorced in 4 years going by my bridezilla experiences

Doesn't make you a bridezilla not to want children at your wedding, FYI. What if it was actually the groom's wishes to have no children there and the bride was just backing that up?

And you're right, of course a breastfed baby can't go without its mother. So either OP doesn't go, or she finds a way to have her mum nearby. The couple marrying don't have to change their wedding rules to accommodate anyone unless they want to and they evidently would rather have no children there and accept that some people won't be able to come.

'And to all those insisting that weddings are family occasions - they are not. They are whatever the bride and groom want them to be.'

Completely agree

At 8 months though he could be crawling or at the very least very active. It's a bit different from my 1 month old who would have literally been in a sling, feeding or sleeping all day long (I did take her to another wedding at a similar age)

Also an 8 month old is unlikely to be bf that frequently through the day and night and will be eating food too. I would suggest looking for a local hotel for your mum so you can go and feed him if necessary between the ceremony and the reception. By that age he should be fine with your mum for a few hours at a time. And perhaps at bedtime if he feeds to go to sleep - your mum could be in your hotel room with him in the evening and then get a cab to wherever she is staying.

I

Things are getting back to normal out there. We have 2 childfree wedding threads running at the same time😂

@GreyhoundG1rl why else would someone bring up having children as a choice in this thread! Of course it was a ridiculous point to make! It was completely irrelevant to the thread.

My friend did this, I felt I had to say yes, the baby screamed throughout the ceremony, she thought this was fine and didn’t bother taking the baby out, we are no longer in touch.

Totally reasonable to decline if it’s too difficult but I wouldn’t ask.

I had family kids only otherwise there would have been 30 kids there! Am in Chester- is it a races weekend? Otherwise can’t believe there are no hotels nearer than the one you found for your mum!

Why don’t you all travel there together, your mum can look after baby and you could leave wedding earlier and drive back home together. The room is cheap enough to just use for the day/evening.

The easy answer ( if it’s a close friend) is your husband declines the invite, stays with baby in the already booked and paid for hotel room, you go up to feed when needed.

I’ve never had anyone around me to babysit my children, when we are both invited to anything and the kids aren’t then only one of us go.

Can your mum book somewhere else nearby, but stay in your room during the actual wedding?
I don't think you could ask really.

@Phrowzunn

The amount of people who seem to think it’s normal to specify that your dearest friends and family ditch their children for the day to attend your wedding is shocking! I totally agree it’s Bridezilla behaviour. Honestly, do they think that a child making a noise during the ceremony nullifies the marriage? Honestly I can’t imagine being so up myself that I would tell my closest friends that their beloved children were banned from attending an event I was putting on because I was just so important that I needed silence and complete undivided attention from all guests for the entire day. Agree that surely these women don’t make good, enjoyable life partners!

Has it occurred to you that these children are so 'beloved' to their parents and not everyone else? If you don't want to leave your offspring for a night that is absolutely up to you, but insisting your friends change their wedding guest list so that your beloved children can go everywhere with you is the height of self centred.

@elenacampana

Well, the amount of people who are shouting bridezilla and labelling women who don’t want children at their weddings as self obsessed and bad for life partners is really something on this thread. We didn’t have kids at our wedding and it wasn’t just my choice, my husband didn’t want them there either. No one shouting groomzilla or having a go at men though is there. Just women unnecessarily attacking other women... great.

Just waiting for the "real love" and "real women" crowd to arrive. 😂

We could be killing kittens every Thursday for fun, but we would still get judged less than when we admit we are just not into kids. Which includes weddings.

Noidont- I had 2 Ebfbabies, bf both till 15 months and never owned a bottle. At 8 months I could definitely have left them for an hour or two in the afternoon for the service, popped back for a feed and left them for a few more hours. They were starting solids and could drink from a cup at that stage if needed, not the same as a 5 month old at all! Unless it was a relative I probably wouldn’t have bothered, but if I’d wanted to I certainly could have sorted it.