AIBU to not want to give rescue dog up?

[WagsPlease]

Posting here for more traffic than on The Doghouse. Also name changed as outing.

We've had a rescue dog for three weeks and he's not settling in with us at all. He basically stays on his bed all the time, looking frightened of us. He will come off to wee/poo - sometimes outside if he can make it out there before seeing any of us/ if we're out of the way. But more often when we're asleep (i.e. on the floor). He's 4. Came over from Greece. Not a street dog or mistreated, but just severely traumatised by the journey/ new environment I think.

We've had some glimmers of hope, but only when a friend has come round with her dogs. He will approach my friend and come out into teh garden and play around. He never ever does that with us - won't ever approach us. The most I've managed to get him to willingly do is take some treats directly from my hand.

We've tried everything. Ignoring him completing. Dropping treats on his bed when we go past. Trying to coax him off on a lead to wee/poo in garden. Etc etc.

The rescue have said that they have a foster lined up for him if we don't feel we can manage any more.

About 50% of my friends/ family say we should give him up to foster. The other 50% say just give him time and space and he'll come to us eventually.

My concern is that he'll never fully relax with us (it's me, DH, and DC 8 & 5) , but I also don't want to give up on him.

What do we do???

Thanks for all the additional responses. Great idea to get a blanket smelling of my friend's dogs. Also next time she's over I'll have her bring her dogs inside (previously they've just been in the garden) to see if that helps.

I'm happy to give it time and I'm not in any particular rush although it would be nice if he would go outside so I don't have to clean dog pee and poo up every morning. It's more than other people have been telling me it would be kinder to give him up to foster now (I'm looking at you Mum), but I really don't want to.

@WagsPlease - He’s clearly displaying signs of trauma. Scared of men and untrusting, in Greece animals are not seen as sentient beings, when my auntie holidayed there, a street dog was hit by a car and she picked up the dying dog out of the road in tears and held him until he passed away. The locals were shaking their heads and laughing at her, so you can understand how animals are viewed and treated by the people in the country, not all though because there are still many locals who feed and look after the stray animals.
Give him time, enjoy seeing the changes and most of all love him and he will be your best friend forever, trust me.
I have rescues from Romania and Cyprus.

@WagsPlease I didn't realise you were cleaning pee and poo up daily. Its so hard to know what to do, and we found a lot of the advice was conflicting from different experts.

With our street dog we were told by the behaviourist attached to the rescue to make sure he goes outside regularly to toilet - so gently scooted / pulled towards the door or sometimes carried. We did this morning and night when it was quieter out, and would have to stand out with him for twenty/thirty minutes at the start (ignoring him and pottering around) before he'd pee or poo. We also put one of these in the toilet for him to use www.amazon.co.uk/Indoor-Toilet-Grass-Restroom-Training/dp/B00ZFLMS5O/ref=asc_df_B00ZFLMS5O?hvlocphy&linkCode=df0&psc=1&hvnetw=o&hvlocint&hvdev=c&hvadid=80126967116321&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-4583726542127179 You can get cheaper ones, and he only really used it in the initial weeks. Its very stressful for them to go inside. Is there a behaviourist attached to your rescue? Otherwise where are you based, someone might be able to recommend one. Would say get one that specialises in street dogs

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 yup the wee/poo thing is so hard. At the beginning we followed the advice you were given - to lift/ shuffle him outside. But it totally backfired cos he’d wee in fear (on himself, his bed, the floor) when we tried to move him and then wouldn’t go when he was outside anyway. I think it really set us back in terms of gaining his trust. Then we tried to encourage him out on a lead, but he’d only move if we really dragged him, so that didn’t work either. So now I’m back to just leaving him be and accepting that he’ll come out when he’s good and ready.

I don’t massively mind the wee/poo. Our carpets and floors are ancient and we’re replacing them later this year anyway. It’s more that it would be much nicer for him to be able to go outside and to not hold it in until the middle of the night.

Oh, and he wasn’t a street dog. Lived indoors, with free access to outside, but more in the company of other dogs and didn’t have contact with that many humans. Although the ones he did have contact with were kind and loving.

@WagsPlease apologies I thought street dogs were mentioned up thread, my mistake. We've had ours now for a couple of years, and this thread has made me really think about the early days that I'd kind of forgotten. We thought we were failing constantly, we didn't know what to do and different experts kept giving different advice. I'm not sure that we even did do the right stuff, but he is awesome now. I think it took a good three to four months to see any progress. But he loves us so much now, jumps all over us when he sees us, cuddles us, and we take him to the pub, on holidays, to friends houses, even on the overground. I would have never in a million years thought we could do this back in the early days. He is still nervous at times, and we do still have to medicate with anti-anxiety meds around firework times etc, but he's great.

Just well done for taking on a rescue and putting in the effort. It is really hard, and it sounds like you're doing your best. Ignore any comments about rehoming him from friends and family. Also, to note, out of my friends the ones with pedigree dogs have suffered with equally challenging but different behavioural issues with their dogs, and a couple of them are working with behaviourists now.

Good luck. But having your friends dogs come over and hanging out in the living area with him sounds good

It sounds like he isn't really a one dog pet. If that makes sense he probably had the security of other dogs.how long are you prepared to persevere with him?

Oh I meant to say we did the biscuit throwing on advice to our dog it seemed to make him more nervous and we were then advised to set up a routine of feeding and treats he responded better. Rescue is wonderful but bloody stressful sometimes.

Well done you for what you are doing for the dog.
I would love to rescue a street dog.
Could you perhaps borrow your friends dog for a day or two?might help bring him out of himself and show him how to behave(he may copy behaviour)
I know this is far out there and not feasible really but I would consider another dog also.
We have two and they are no more hard work than one..but they give each other so much love and attention..playing,grooming..
It's what your dog is used to and when one of ours had to stay over at the vets the other moped about.

Thanks @A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 and @charliebear78. I hope we are doing right by keeping him.

Oh and @charliebear78 I have thought several times that maybe we should just get another dog to keep him company, but when I mentioned it to DH he gave me his ‘are you fucking insane’ look. I think while it might make it better for DRescueDog it might also not, and then we’d be even further over our heads than we are now.

Oh I totally agree..its just the kind of thing I would have suggested and I'm sure my OH would have given me the same look!
It is early days and I hope he becomes the family dog you hope for(for his and your sakes)
Poor dog-I want to come give him a hug! Which would scare him to death so I wont!😄