To feel angry and disgusted with myself about this

[youcandoitbruce]

I was diagnosed with PND start of 2020.

By the end of 2020 I had gained 4 stone.
I’m not blaming the PND, I know I’m completely responsible what what I eat, but I ate my way through an incredibly shit time.

January 21 I booked in with my GP to talk address my overeating and have some routine blood tests.

Blood pressure slightly raised, BMI 40 but Blood tests all okay. I was given lots of advice to change my diet and the GP recommended couch to 5K.

March 21 I receive a text from GP telling me I’m eligible for my Covid vaccine, GP confirmed this was due to my BMI (I have no other health issues)

By this point I’m already 1 stone down in weight and doing well with the cough to 5K.

Booked my jab and received AZ in March.

Fast forward 10 weeks I’m 2 stone 4.5lb down and my age group are no longer being offered AZ because of blood clot risks.

If I have my second dose I will have to have AZ again.

I’m so angry with myself, I almost feel rage.

If I wasn’t such a fat fuck I wouldn’t have been given a vaccine before my age group and I wouldn’t now be in the position.

I genuinely feel so much anger and disgust towards myself right now.
I don’t care how much weight I’ve now lost, if I had gotten myself so obese I wouldn’t have needed a vaccine and I wouldn’t now be in a position of considering remaining partially vaccinated.

I’m really not sure what the point of my post is, other than to say I’m so utterly angry and disgusted in myself. 😡

I'm late 30s and nearly.all of my friends have had az as they managed to get called earlier for various reasons or are over 40. I will be one of three people I know to have Pfizer or moderna. I haven't been vaccinated at all yet as I'm booked for later this week so every minute and day that passes I have a chance of catching and spreading covid. It sounds like you are my sort of age and you don't run anything like as high a risk. I'd have loved to have been protected all these weeks like you have.

The risk is tiny, you run much higher risks of other things without giving it anything like this headspace. Most notably with hormonal contraception. You've let this get big in your head when really it's a tiny thing and once you've had it and a few weeks have passed you'll get on with life and never think of it again.

On another note it's a symptom of depression to dwell/fixate. Are you on medication, could you speak to your doctor about this? If you did do couch to 5k then maybe a good night's sleep and a run tomorrow might out this into perspective.

Maybe you came into contact with covid recently but because of your first vaccine you didn't catch or pass it on, have you met up with any vulnerable loved ones? Aren't you glad you didn't run the risk of passing it into them?

Get the vaccine. The risk is only apparently there for the first one and seems to be very much you either react or you don't so I'd you've had the first one OK you are fine. Apparently the risk is much smaller than taking the pill. Well done on your weight loss.

Try to see it as a positive you were vaccinated early. Your BMI is still high if it was 40 at the start so getting your second AZ is much safer than catching Covid, especially at an obese BMI. The risks are minimal for second dose.

just get the jab??

Medically, the risks of being overweight are far greater than the risks of the AZ jab.

And you're tackling the weight loss and being successful which is fantastic.

It sounds like you have become fixated on this issue and I wonder if it's worth you talking to your GP about it? It may well be a manifestation of anxiety, which is worthwhile tackling whichever topic your fixated on - which may change to another one in future.

There are 15 cases (so far that we know of) that have been reported following the second dose.

Out of several million. And we don't know whether they were directly related to the dose anyway, given that blood-clotting problems wholly unrelated to vaccination have always happened.

Come on, OP, have you driven anywhere recently or walked along roads that carry vehicles? Your risk every time you did that was considerably greater.

Do you feel anger and disgust towards everyone who was vaccinated early due to BMI?

@MuckyPlucky

For heavens sake. Why all the hand-wringing about being fortunate enough to receive the opportunity to be vaccinated against something that may very well kill you without the vaccine?

Much of the world world would give their eye teeth to have this sort of “problem”.

Yep, tell that to the people in India right now...

I think the problem is only having had half the vaccine and known risks have since come to light about the second. So many are stuck in limbo to either stay "half protected", risk it with a second jab or get a different one.

However this problem doesn't really have anything to do with BMI. My SIL was offered an early jab because of her job as a teacher and AZ has been contraindicated for her age group since then. All across Germany people of all BMIs are stuck with the same problem.

Latest studies show that it's safe to use Pfizer/Moderna as the second shot but with a slightly increased chance of side effects. Studies also claim that most people will need a booster in autumn so the effects of the vaccine may not even last that long. Since the numbers are so low right now, if the half-vaccinated people stick it out for a few more months they they can simply get 2x Pfizer from scratch.

Massive massive first world problems though...

You've had one dose, just have the second one.
I'm early thirties and felt really rough after my first AZ, but still had the second one.

Don't be so hard on yourself. March AZ vaccination was very common in some places in the UK. Well done on the weight loss.

I get your worries about AZ and completely sympathise, I wouldn't want to be in that position. I really hope that they soon decide that mixing vaccines is safe, and allow it for those who want it.

But you are being very unreasonable to be so harsh on yourself! You had a tough time, you put on weight. It happens. I think you should work on your negative self talk.

The risks to your health when your BMI was at 40 was much greater than a second AZ jab, which is why you were offered the vaccine early. The risks to your health are greater if you stop your weight loss journey. Funnel all that negative journey into staying on course.

You have to give yourself a break here. You can only address the problems that are in front of you. You comfort ate while experiencing a particularly hard time - most people do. Hopefully this brought you a bit of control and comfort during that time. Weight is easier to deal with than mental health issues generally (obviously there are extremes). You have started taking control of that which is absolutely great and possible because you are stronger mentally which is also a huge achievement. The vaccine situation nobody knew about and now it is your choice to have the second AZ or not. IMO the stats favour taking the second but it is your choice. You just have to keep going on all fronts and it’s hard but you’ve come so far so give yourself some credit for that.

If you hadn't put on weight you wouldn't have been in the higher risk group therefore you probably wouldn't have been vaccinated at all for the past 3 months. In that time you may have caught covid and died 😳 See how 'ifs' are meaningless? You dealt with your situation as best as you were able to at the time, absolutely no need at all to be hammering yourself now. Get your vaccine and be fecking proud of what you've achieved, you've done amazing.

@youcandoitbruce all I can say is that you should remember that a very high number of young people on the neuro- diverse / disabilities register have also been given AZ and now have to have their second without being able to have an alternative. My DD is 19, autistic, and on the contraceptive pill. She has had her second AZ jab. She's just fucking grateful to have been done. Definition of privilege.

Just get the 2nd vaccine. If you were fine with the first dose you'll be fine with the second one.

Don't be so hard on yourself op, you're doing great