To feel angry and disgusted with myself about this

[youcandoitbruce]

I was diagnosed with PND start of 2020.

By the end of 2020 I had gained 4 stone.
I’m not blaming the PND, I know I’m completely responsible what what I eat, but I ate my way through an incredibly shit time.

January 21 I booked in with my GP to talk address my overeating and have some routine blood tests.

Blood pressure slightly raised, BMI 40 but Blood tests all okay. I was given lots of advice to change my diet and the GP recommended couch to 5K.

March 21 I receive a text from GP telling me I’m eligible for my Covid vaccine, GP confirmed this was due to my BMI (I have no other health issues)

By this point I’m already 1 stone down in weight and doing well with the cough to 5K.

Booked my jab and received AZ in March.

Fast forward 10 weeks I’m 2 stone 4.5lb down and my age group are no longer being offered AZ because of blood clot risks.

If I have my second dose I will have to have AZ again.

I’m so angry with myself, I almost feel rage.

If I wasn’t such a fat fuck I wouldn’t have been given a vaccine before my age group and I wouldn’t now be in the position.

I genuinely feel so much anger and disgust towards myself right now.
I don’t care how much weight I’ve now lost, if I had gotten myself so obese I wouldn’t have needed a vaccine and I wouldn’t now be in a position of considering remaining partially vaccinated.

I’m really not sure what the point of my post is, other than to say I’m so utterly angry and disgusted in myself. 😡

Oh and if you're on Twitter follow Nicole byer. I am not one for normalising obesity (am obese myself) but she is fantastic and so funny.

I'm 38 and just had my second AZ jab on Saturday. I had mine earlier than others my age, no idea why i don't have any conditions and once I found out about the bloody clot link I was annoyed myself slightly so can understand how you feel.

Around 10 years ago I had a 17cm blood clot in my arm ( brachial vein) had to have clexane injections daily throughout the whole of both my recent pregnancies ( 2018 & 2019) and always have to inject myself before I fly for life.
I was told I was at no more risk than anyone else. ( my clot was not due to any blood disorder though it was direct result of a canula being left in my arm for long when I'm hospital)

I had to sign a disclaimer on Saturday but they did tell me that the risks of getting a clot on the second jab was a lot lower than that of the 1st jab.

@StealthPolarBear

cough to 5k

Oooops! 😂😂😂

I flinched when I read you calling yourself a fat fuck. That’s such a horrible thing to call anyone including yourself. Weight gain happens for a lot of reasons but it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Plus you’re doing a great job losing it. I don’t mean to sound patronizing but please work on your self esteem - having a second AZ jab doesn’t seem such a big thing in the grand scheme of things.

Firstly, congratulations on your weight loss. That's a phenomenal achievement.
Secondly, and I mean this with solidarity and kindness...get a grip. Get your second vaccine. And don't give it a second thought. You had no adverse reaction to your first. The science around the risk for under 30's is tiny tiny risk. Who is on the pill? Much bigger risk there. And women into their 50's still take the pill.

I think you are being way too hard on yourself. You had PND that’s no small thing. If you needed to eat to get through it so what?! It’s something that you can and are rectifying later. Try to be kinder to yourself

@MindBodyChocolate

I flinched when I read you calling yourself a fat fuck. That’s such a horrible thing to call anyone including yourself. Weight gain happens for a lot of reasons but it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Plus you’re doing a great job losing it. I don’t mean to sound patronizing but please work on your self esteem - having a second AZ jab doesn’t seem such a big thing in the grand scheme of things.

Lovely post.

@youcandoitbruce

I was diagnosed with PND start of 2020.

By the end of 2020 I had gained 4 stone.
I’m not blaming the PND, I know I’m completely responsible what what I eat, but I ate my way through an incredibly shit time.

January 21 I booked in with my GP to talk address my overeating and have some routine blood tests.

Blood pressure slightly raised, BMI 40 but Blood tests all okay. I was given lots of advice to change my diet and the GP recommended couch to 5K.

March 21 I receive a text from GP telling me I’m eligible for my Covid vaccine, GP confirmed this was due to my BMI (I have no other health issues)

By this point I’m already 1 stone down in weight and doing well with the cough to 5K.

Booked my jab and received AZ in March.

Fast forward 10 weeks I’m 2 stone 4.5lb down and my age group are no longer being offered AZ because of blood clot risks.

If I have my second dose I will have to have AZ again.

I’m so angry with myself, I almost feel rage.

If I wasn’t such a fat fuck I wouldn’t have been given a vaccine before my age group and I wouldn’t now be in the position.

I genuinely feel so much anger and disgust towards myself right now.
I don’t care how much weight I’ve now lost, if I had gotten myself so obese I wouldn’t have needed a vaccine and I wouldn’t now be in a position of considering remaining partially vaccinated.

I’m really not sure what the point of my post is, other than to say I’m so utterly angry and disgusted in myself. 😡

Sorry I think you are petty. You had first jab with no clots developing, and frankly unlikey to get clots unless suffer thrombosis etc.

Stop whining and throwing a tantrum and get your second jab

Be kind to yourself.

Im 37 no underlying health issues, my area opened up earlier than most for vaccination 35 - 39yr olds. I got the AZ jab and they changed the legislation the very next day for under 40s.

I still feel privileged to have got my vaccination in the first place

@LadyGAgain

Firstly, congratulations on your weight loss. That's a phenomenal achievement. Secondly, and I mean this with solidarity and kindness...get a grip. Get your second vaccine. And don't give it a second thought. You had no adverse reaction to your first. The science around the risk for under 30's is tiny tiny risk. Who is on the pill? Much bigger risk there. And women into their 50's still take the pill.

This exactly you should be really proud of yourself for your weight loss well done But you are soooo wasting your energy wondering about your second jab - thousands get it with no issue at all. Please just get it and move on an celebrate your life and living again

No. You are not disgusting or awful or any of the other words you’re hurting yourself with. Yes, it was disordered eating, and as so many have pointed out, you were ill. You may not have realized how ill, but suicide was the leading cause of death for new mothers from 2004 to 2016, so whatever you did to get through PND, you’re alive and through it. You survived and that is what matters most.

I understand you’re upset about having the AZ vaccine, so many people are, and it’s beyond frustrating that we don’t have enough information yet for sure about effects of the second jab (we have reports, but they haven’t been medically reviewed yet, so we don’t know exact numbers). But even if all the reports of clot issues for the second jabs are found to be medically accurate, it will still be a rate of less than 2 per million (since it’s been 15 in 9.5 million for the second jab, I believe). You got help and survived PND for you, your baby, and your family. You got the first vaccine, I assume, for the same reason. You’re at less risk getting the second jab than the first, so I would go ahead and get it. But please, don’t mentally abuse yourself for doing whatever was necessary at the time to survive a disease that robs so many babies of their mothers.

I don't get why you are angry. It's good that you received your first vaccine and will soon have the second, surely? Your weight now is irrelevant, at the time your GP obviously thought you should have the vaccination as you were at risk with your BMI.

Just go and have the jab, then you are done. What would you do otherwise? Your post doesn't make sense.

Very well done with your weight loss, it's quite an achievement. Keep it up!

Catching Covid while very fat, or in fact being very fat even without having Covid, is far more likely to harm you than the AZ vaccine. Crack on with the weight loss and get your second jab when it's due.

I don't understand the nature of your upset over your vaccination OP.

If you hadn't been overweight, what is the ideal scenario that would have happened that you feel you've missed out of?

Just myself. I’m not directing this to anyone other than me.

But still, it's not very nice for others who are overweight to read this rant.

I don't see the problem. There are millions of people over the world who would give so much to be able to be vaccinated. The risks with AZ are tiny. What exactly is your problem here?

I was eligible for the jab in January because 1) I am a fat fuck 2) I’m work in healthcare 3) in a student nurse 4) I have a health condition which meant I have had to shield.

I got the vaccine in January and March because of all the above reason and because I want to make sure that I’m around for my family and can continue to care for people.

However/whenever you get the vaccine it doesn’t matter. Eventually, whatever your bmi, health conditions, age, work you will be offered the vaccine.

You were offered it. You went for it. Good for you

I honestly don't understand the handwringing over AZ. Risks are miniscule. Congrats on the weight loss - do the right thing and get your jab.

Oh love, please be kind to yourself. You have done amazingly well to lose this weight! The risks from the AZ are really so small, and much smaller than the risk that covid presents to someone who is overweight, so get yourself fully vaccinated when it's your turn. Please listen to all the supportive voices on this thread!

Just try and get your eating habits back on track. If you were going to have a bad reaction to the AZ vaccine it would have happened first time round. Thats what I read,

The risk of dying from a blood clot after vaccination is about the same as being killed by a cow.

fullfact.org/health/astrazeneca-vaccine-risk-comparison/

Vaccination risk being compared with cow risk? This is pleasing in an etymological sense.

@nauticant

If you hadn't been overweight, what is the ideal scenario that would have happened that you feel you've missed out of?

A vaccine demmed safe for my age group (30-39) and one without a risk of a serious blood clot on my brain.

@SleepingStandingUp

You were I'll, part of that was disordered eating, which you've tackled. Now you're doing better but this self hatred risks pushing you back into the bad place. The risks with AZ are v v low.

As someone who got the AZ because my kid is sick, should I blame him for me having it? All my friends similar age are just getting their Pfizer jabs now.

Completely agree

You've done a great job, be kind to yourself.

You’re not engaging much here.

If you don’t want your second dose then don’t have it. But it’s much safer to have the vaccine than to get covid, especially if you’re still overweight. You’ll be safer if you have it.

If your anxiety is getting out of hand have a chat with your GP.

[quote youcandoitbruce]@nauticant

If you hadn't been overweight, what is the ideal scenario that would have happened that you feel you've missed out of?

A vaccine demmed safe for my age group (30-39) and one without a risk of a serious blood clot on my brain.[/quote]
And that's what you've got. Having had no reaction to the first dose, your risk with a second AZ vaccine is no greater than it would be with Pfizer.