To think no, autism is not a ‘gift’?

[RowRowYaStoat]

Does anyone else feel like this?
I’m feeling like the worlds worst parent right now. 12 year has been crying and kicking off since 7am this morning. After an awful few months , my patience is wearing thin.

Everything that goes wrong is my fault.
I honestly feels like he hates me (he doesn’t) but the way he talks to me, the way he shuts me out but expects me to fix everything.

The rigid thinking, total lack of compromise. The shouting, screaming.

The resistance to any change or expectation that he should do something himself.

The effect on siblings, the resentment they often feel. The fact my marriage is pushed to breaking point because the stress is immense.

And the lack of empathy from family and friends: “autism is a gift… embrace it !”.

I love my DS dearly. I’ll do anything to make him happy , but it’s just never enough. I always feel like he’s not happy and I worry how his perception of things is so different to the real situation.

And I lost my patience today.

Please tell me I’m not the only one to find this damned hard? Or am I just rubbish at this?

One of my friends shared a meme from Joy of Autism. I said that my son didn't find autism joyful. I had to unfollow her after that. 😁

It doesn't seem like much of a gift in this house. Especially over the last year. He told me last week he only has one friend and when she's busy he just plays on his own. He's 8 , breaks my fucking heart

I'm also desperate for a bloody break. He's not been able to see his dad for a year now and I just want some time to my self 😬

I bet so frustrated by the online autism advocates (and don’t get mr wrong I’m glad there are advocates) who think parents of severely autistic kids are the most ablest people out there for ever feeling anything but 100% happy their child has asd. I’m sorry your friend couldn’t just support you on a bad day

My ds is autistic and no its not a gift. I was part of a fb group for asd and i posted for some advice regarding his violent behaviour and my post didn't get approval as it didn't fit into there neat little box about asd.

YADNBU.
I hate seeing posts on SM about how autism “isn’t a disability, it’s a different ability.”
In a lot of cases the young person is affected greatly by their condition.

My DD is 8, needs 2:1 support at a complex needs school, is non-verbal, incontinent, aggressive, unable to read/write. She is taught using sensory based activities and is yet to reach the ability of a preschooler.
For a person that is unlikely to be unable to live independently autism is absolutely not a gift.

The gift thing drives me mad too. There's a number of people with autism in my family, one is a sibling. I love them all dearly. That doesn't make the massive melt downs and rages, the smashing up of the house and the injuries, having grown up with everything needing to be on my sibling's terms, the things we had to leave on the word whether anyone else was ready or not, the hell of Christmas for them, any better to have experienced. Understanding and having absolute compassion for why does not make it less grim to be on the receiving end of.

Watching my sibling's struggles with anxiety, depression, school, employment, the never ending battle for services, that's been no gift for them. The struggles to deal with people. The struggles that come from black and white thinking, sensory overwhelm. It's something they would not choose if they had any choice in the matter. The 'gift' narrative is all very nice, and sentimental nice veneers are very in at the moment, but it silences many of the realities that so many people with autism have to deal with.

So grateful for this thread. The amount of times I've been shouted down, on what are supposed to be support groups, for daring to say I would get rid of my DS's autism in a heartbeat if I could is horrible and made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

In my experience, autism mas been a curse. My DS (13) was diagnosed age 6, along with ADHD which he's medicated for. For 13 long years now it's been one constant struggle which has worn me down.

He's high functioning and very capable with things like dealing with increased responsiblity. He's perfectly able to get himself to school on the bus and seems to be making friends, but the battles are daily and his social skills and self esteem are low.

I'm confident he will be able to live an independant life, moving out of home and managing a job, but he has the dream of joining the police. If he'll be able to cope with that, I have my doubts and it will probably crush him if he can't deal with the demands of a career like that.

For us, it hasn't been a gift, just an extra weight to carry and probably why I detest being a mum so much.

It's been enlightening to read what others have said on this thread, it makes me feel like I'm not as alone as I thought

Autism is not a gift. It is a difference from the significant majority of the population and as such can make life a lot more difficult for those who have it and those around them. Not to say people with autism are not loving or good, or that they cannot find ways to manage in the world and have good lives, but it is a massive continuum, and it is increasingly hard when you are higher on it. Your friend was probably trying to help but that is a shit thing to say to someone struggling. Sending you a hug.

I have autism, very much an unwanted "gift" my life is very difficult even for the most basic tasks. For me it's a very hard disability that makes even the everyday things a struggle. If it's a gift its a shitty one, please can I return it and have vouchers

Honestly, as someone who works with autistic children, it’s like saying blindness or physical disability is a gift. It’s just something that makes life harder and more difficult to navigate and no one wants a difficult life. In fact it’s harder as you can’t often see anything. I feel for you mums who have to live it 24/7- must be exhausting

My adult Ds is severely autistic with severe learning disabilities and epilepsy thrown in. No it’s not a “gift”. There is absolutely nothing good about autism in our house. I suppose it depends where on the spectrum somewhere falls and how it affects their life. Watching a child grow up, struggling with absolutely every aspect of life and knowing they’ll never be independent or ever live alone is heartbreaking.

Unfortunately with all the celebrities out there claiming to be autistic the severe end of the spectrum tends to be forgotten, people think it’s a bit quirky or a bit unsociable. I’ve had comments like “oh I didn’t realise autism could be like that” when telling people my son has autism.

Autism is not a gift. My child who happens to be autistic is. It is bloody hard at times and some nights I dread going to bed because I will have to wake up and deal with the same crap again. Chin up lovely I hope things get better for you. It has been particularly challenging for people with ASD and covid. I pray we are coming to an end of this now

YAsoNBU OP. DS and I are both autistic and it isn't a gift or a super power. I had a long chat about this with the consultant recently who explained that he uses the term superpower with kids to explain that on the rare occasion a trait works in your favour it can feel like that. We agreed that the rest of the time it is just a struggle at best and usually just bollocks.

I had this from my ex but kind of the opposite so he seemed to think autism meant you was extremely gifted or talented, like a mathematical genius for example, but because our daughter isn’t a genius he refers to her autism as “not the good kind” 😕

I disowned my autistic brother for his behaviour towards me. I wouldn't call physical, verbal and emotional abuse for years a fucking gift. He was certainly gifted enough to know who to target - women and those weaker than him - and when to turn it on and off, though.

for OP.

I am probably autistic. I have a genius IQ and sailed through education. I struggle managing a home and kids and can't hold down a full time job.... not much of a gift!

A gift? Well that will explain the massive increase in the take up of the MMR vaccine when Wakefield claimed it caused autism. What's not to love about prevention of illness AND a free gift of autism?
Oh wait...

*For the avoidance of doubt, no, the MMR vaccine does not cause autism and, yes, Andrew Wakefield is a disgrace.

My ds who has asd keeps asking what his superpower is? The media made it worse.

He gets very angry at his asd and adhd.

He does sometimes see thngs so differently but not worth the heatache.

I live him as he is but would love him without and life would be soooo much easier for both of us.

I have an Autustic son and having a bit of a rough ride at the moment, this thread has given me 5 minutes of feeling not alone and solidaratory x

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall... oh, I do feel your pain.

At 20 DS still has no peer group friends. School was an utter nightmare and thank God, he now has 2 young men as PAs who are able to help provide a small (very small) social outlet for him. I have literally no idea what we would do without them.

I tried everything in order to develop DS’s social engagement and it has exhausted me, at times.

Have two ds received two diagnoses of asd within the last 18 months. Eldest diagnosed at fifteen utterly terrible times. Teenage years can be tough. So hard people don't have a clue of the constant adjustments you make to avoid issues it's so tiring. You feel like walking on eggshells in your own home am the emotional punchbag...

I just want to say it's shit but every time I do am told it could be worse. Yeah right sometimes I just want to walk away but I couldn't/wouldn't but it's so hard. I hear you all.

@littleHen84 and

YANBU. It's not a bloody gift any more than any other disability is. Your so-called friend is an ignorant twat.

Does she think deafness or being in a wheelchair is also a gift?

I never start with this normally but anyone who tells you it’s a gift hasn’t got a fecking clue!

Yes it can be inspiring but it can also be soul destroying not only for you but the autistic person too

I am the ONLY neurotypical person in our household DH DD DS all are autistic with various other comorbidities

I adore them all but it breaks my heart to see them suffer with the associated anxiety and depression which has lead to years of suicidal ideation and even attempts. THIS IS NOT A FECKING GIFT!

So OP a thousand times and more here are and a listening ear, the only thing I can say is learn to value only the options of those you actually value because no one else walks in your shoes

I tell you what fucks me off more than anything
Is woman with a child with Autism ,
Calling themselves
Autism moms
Yuk no
If you have Autism yourself,then yes call yourself an autism mom
Otherwise ,no ,your not an Autism mom