To think no, autism is not a ‘gift’?

[RowRowYaStoat]

Does anyone else feel like this?
I’m feeling like the worlds worst parent right now. 12 year has been crying and kicking off since 7am this morning. After an awful few months , my patience is wearing thin.

Everything that goes wrong is my fault.
I honestly feels like he hates me (he doesn’t) but the way he talks to me, the way he shuts me out but expects me to fix everything.

The rigid thinking, total lack of compromise. The shouting, screaming.

The resistance to any change or expectation that he should do something himself.

The effect on siblings, the resentment they often feel. The fact my marriage is pushed to breaking point because the stress is immense.

And the lack of empathy from family and friends: “autism is a gift… embrace it !”.

I love my DS dearly. I’ll do anything to make him happy , but it’s just never enough. I always feel like he’s not happy and I worry how his perception of things is so different to the real situation.

And I lost my patience today.

Please tell me I’m not the only one to find this damned hard? Or am I just rubbish at this?

@AuntieCorruption

So is it ok or is it not ok to drown your NT child in a lobster tank?

This still hasn't been made clear and I was just going to!

I thought we'd established that throttling is okay, but drowning isn't? It's probably about microplastics.

Well @AuntieCorruption I'm still not sure but the pp comment about breaking bread with an angry goblin rings true for one of my nt dc. I've never thought about drowning him in a lobster tank but theres never been one to hand

Ok thanks, Bugger and YourCakes, I just needed to be clear on the rules.

I've just got to do something, back later ...

[quote TheLastLotus]@TheCuddy the poster who took the lobster tank literally was autistic ...[/quote]
I'm aware of that. My last post was addressed to @secular39

And it's slowly becoming acceptable to murder disabled children? Really? Where do you live because I don't think it's ever been socially acceptable in the UK or ever will be

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

Well *@AuntieCorruption* I'm still not sure but the pp comment about breaking bread with an angry goblin rings true for one of my nt dc. I've never thought about drowning him in a lobster tank but theres never been one to hand

This is the problem EveryFlight, there just aren't enough lobster tanks around. We need to think of another plan!

Sometimes you just have to laugh so you don't cry.

Or Google "lobster tanks near me".

My parents had to take a paddling pool to the beach and fill up with water as I wouldn’t touch the sand when I was little......you could use that?

@BuggerBognor

My DH also told me that autism was linked to maternal age so what did I expect, he warned me, etc. I waited until pre-implantation genetic selection was available for another condition and now I wish I hadn’t bothered because DS life is screwed anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was 27 when I had my severely autistic child. Not heard if it being linked to maternal age, I was much older when I had my two NT children.

Wishes could afford to eat anywhere that serves lobster. Misses point of thread completely.

This is good thread and I hope it’s helped some parents get a little bit off their shoulders.

Autism is not a gift. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was forty. I have had a lesser life with few friends, not fitting in, and being unable to reach my potential. Autism rarely travels alone. I have severe social anxiety, depression, and past eating disorders. I’m high functioning; so many autistic persons and their families are worse off. If there was a cure for autism, I would take it immediately. Autism is a life long prison sentence of not being able to relate to others and care for oneself for nearly all sufferers.
There’s a cheesy poem about having a child with special needs is like being told you will go to Holland instead of Italy on vacation. In practice, it’s more like being told you are headed to Detroit, not London on holiday. It’s hard, and I have huge empathy for families who deal with this every day.

I think people do not understand the severity of it.

The old saying some people use "we are all a little autistic" is frankly degrading to hear. The effect it has on the individual can be detrimental e.g. not finding a job, not being able to lead a life that others can etc.. It is not taken as seriously in 2021 and that is still sad to see.

@NEVERQUIT3331

I think people do not understand the severity of it.

The old saying some people use "we are all a little autistic" is frankly degrading to hear. The effect it has on the individual can be detrimental e.g. not finding a job, not being able to lead a life that others can etc.. It is not taken as seriously in 2021 and that is still sad to see.

My work colleague says that. I never know if I should just say “no they’re not” so I just stay quiet.

I have a 6 nearly 7 year old DD with autism and whilst she is on the higher functioning end of the scale it rules almost every aspect of our lives.
We are all controlled by her need to have rules, her anxieties and her fixations on things. My heart breaks for her when I see how much she struggles socially at school and see how easily making friends comes to her NT sister.
I hate all the meetings and it's a constant tightrope of trying to get her to stay in mainstream school.
I worry about her future all the time in a way that I wouldn't if she was NT. I love her very much but I'm sure she and I would be much happier without her autism. I certainly don't see it as a gift.
I'm acutely aware that there are many parents and children who have it far harder than I do which must be so so difficult.

@NEVERQUIT3331

I think people do not understand the severity of it.

The old saying some people use "we are all a little autistic" is frankly degrading to hear. The effect it has on the individual can be detrimental e.g. not finding a job, not being able to lead a life that others can etc.. It is not taken as seriously in 2021 and that is still sad to see.

And add the daily agony of being incontinent and needing a shower but feeling extreme discomfort from water on your body. Of being desperate to go to a restaurant with your family but being overwhelmed, once again, but at least you tried, and your Mum made you laugh by threatening to drown you in the lobster tank if you didn't stop shouting 'Cunt'.

I thought the lobster joke was funny.
Gallows humour is needed sometimes 🤷🏼‍♀️

I didn't drown my 33 yr old, 6'7" 20 stone son

I can’t drown mine either cos the deep end of our pool only comes up to his chin.

I have almost drowned myself though when having to run away one day and I jumped in the pool forgetting he could stand up in it. 🤣

Our sons sound very similar build wise.

Nope! Just had to have a major talk with exh about continuing financial support until she's 25 (he's agreed) and him supporting my application to social services because she simply can't / won't look after herself. I'm close to throwing in the towel l. Autism is not a gift, it's bloody annoying - even though she's musically very gifted that's no good to me right now

I thought the lobster joke was funny.
Gallows humour is needed sometimes

I’ve had a really good laugh and the bit I laughed at the most was young lad bartering his classmates. I hadn’t heard that expression since I was at school many decades ago.

Battering. Not bartering.

I find the 'autism is a gift' sentiment tends to come form individuals or families of individuals who are high functioning. For the families dealing with a profoundly disabled child who is non-verbal, incontinent and in need of 24-hour care for life, I'm sure it doesn't feel like a gift at all. The 'gift' mentality is pretty dismissive of the experiences of those individuals on the severe end of the spectrum IMO.

It is really really hard.........every day is fucking difficult.

@BatleyTownswomensGuild

I find the 'autism is a gift' sentiment tends to come form individuals or families of individuals who are high functioning. For the families dealing with a profoundly disabled child who is non-verbal, incontinent and in need of 24-hour care for life, I'm sure it doesn't feel like a gift at all. The 'gift' mentality is pretty dismissive of the experiences of those individuals on the severe end of the spectrum IMO.

I find it's more from people with NT children or the self professed super "inclusive" ones. Ofc, not inclusive enough to actually listen to the parents that are struggling and pouring their hearts out.