Page 7 | This man was rude or am I being an idiot

steff13 · 23/05/2021 01:15

I'm pretty sure if he had knocked her over, the OP would have said he knocked her over. 🤷‍♀️

NiceGerbil · 23/05/2021 01:21

And the whole sitting in the car staring at her thing?

Was that ok?

I mean for a start it showed he wasn't in a hurry!

I always find it interesting how the general consensus with stuff like this is the man's behaviour was ok and the woman was wrong. And sort of focusing on bits to back that up.

mainsfed · 23/05/2021 01:27

@QueenAdreena

The OP also says: she fell as he was passing. To me, that’s not the same thing as someone knocking someone else over. You can pass/rush by someone and be a long way off from making physical contact. It doesn’t say that any physical contact was made, just that the child fell as he rushed past. Perhaps I’m misinterpreting it and I’m happy to be corrected by OP if I am, but it’s not how it reads to me at all.

Given the alley was so narrow that OP didn’t have enough space to stand aside to let him pass, this man rushing past was likely the cause of the child falling.

NiceGerbil · 23/05/2021 02:38

Why is there do much focus on the getting past bit? And posting about what she did etc.

What about this bit?

'She hurt her hand and knee
He stood watching
I had to drop everything in my hand to help her up
Everything was on the ground
He got in his car
Sat watching us
I rushed her to my car to get her comfy
Ran back to the pavement to gather up everything (shopping - fruit , veg, etc)
He sits in car still staring'

I mean whatever happened previously, surely people think that behaviour from him is off? Plus the fact he obviously wasn't in a hurry anyway...

transformandriseup · 23/05/2021 02:56

I hate slow walkers but he should have said excuse me and shouldn't have intimidated the OP. I probably wouldn't have asked if a toddler was ok if it was just a fall and then straight back up again. The staring was weird, maybe he felt a bit guilty.

transformandriseup · 23/05/2021 03:11

Good manners would have been for you to turn round and apologise for holding him up.

Eh? Would an slow walking elderly person need to apologise for holding someone up? I am a fast walker to finds it hard to walk slow but I know not to intimidate someone by walking too close behind them and they certainly wouldn't owe me an apology.

If the OP was asking whether a being stuck behind a slow walker meant the person should have apologised for holding them up they would have been told they were being unreasonable and that they should have left earlier if they were in a hurry.

We don't know how wide the passageway was as we weren't there so don't know if there was room for the man to pass.

NiceGerbil · 23/05/2021 03:15

The efforts to put the OP in the wrong are fascinating!

Why are so many posters determined that OP was in the wrong and not the man? Staring and saying nothing while she saw the kid. Sitting in car staring at her. Yep sounds like guilt. Poor chap.

Billandben444 · 23/05/2021 03:20

Yup, he was a bit of an arse. Out of interest, what was toddler carrying that fell to the ground and was she holding your hand as well or toddling along free? Where was the car parked that you left the dropped shopping to strap her in and then went back for it? Could we have a diagram? Anyway, all's well that ends well.

Northernparent68 · 23/05/2021 07:33

Perhaps he thought you could cope.

Moonwatcher1234 · 23/05/2021 09:16

Well when a toddler in involved then of course a bit of compassion comes into it! If I was behind them, I would leave some space and make it clear i wasn’t trying to rush past especially if the little one was carrying something. They weren’t at a train station and so that point is redundant. I have just observed so many times that parents get stressed and try to hurry small children along because of the impatience and, yes entitlement, and that’s probably what happened to OP. His need to get past was no greater than a 3 year old’s need to walk at her own pace.

If people just showed a little bit of patience with small children, it would do no harm. That’s all.

TwoAndAnOnion · 23/05/2021 09:20

@Queenie6655

Well we moved faster to make way for him to get by

And she fell as he was passing
Most people would stop to see if she was ok?
Or maybe not

I certainly would
Especially if someone seemed to have hurt themselves

Perhaps he's one of those men terrified to speak to random women and children in case he ends up as the subject of a thread for inappropriately daring to approach - oh! wait!

Perhaps, he was waiting for you to ask for help? Just a thought.

He stood, observed, made sure no one made off with your shopping etc.

Magicpaintbrush · 23/05/2021 09:31

YANBU OP. The man made you feel flustered by getting right in your personal space and walking right up your chuff, which makes it clear he wanted to get past. The alleyway was too tight for you to stand to one side to let hom past, so you - quite naturally - started walking faster. He shouldn't have got that close behind you, firstly because it is intimidating, secondly because he could see there was not enough room, thirdly we are in a pandemic and should be keeping a distance. He caught you by surprise and if he had been considerate would have walked patiently at a distance - he made you feel rushed and flustered, so yes, he is at fault for your DD falling over, because if he had any manners he wouldn't have pushed past you and you could all have continued to the end of the footpath without any issues. He was rude and inconsiderate. Ignore the posters on here who are giving you a hard time, they are all perfect and also have the benefit of hindsight here and, unlike you, weren't there feeling flustered and rushed. There are some knobs on this board sometimes.

mainsfed · 23/05/2021 09:51

@NiceGerbil

The efforts to put the OP in the wrong are fascinating!

Why are so many posters determined that OP was in the wrong and not the man? Staring and saying nothing while she saw the kid. Sitting in car staring at her. Yep sounds like guilt. Poor chap.

I suspect it’s become so normalised for many women to automatically give way to men that they blame OP for not doing everything possible to give way to this man too.

Original poster

Queenie6655 · 23/05/2021 10:05

Thanks all
Some very interesting responses

I thought I did the right thing
I prob should have turned around and explained we can't go any after
Was flusterered and I know feel really bad about it all

No way would I ever watch someone fall and not even spend two seconds saying 'are you ok'

Never

But that's life
Lesson learned

OP posts:

QueenAdreena · 23/05/2021 10:16

Regardless of whether people thought the man was rude or not, I don’t think you need to feel bad OP, I can’t see that you did anything really wrong. The situation could have been avoided by taking different action perhaps (I would have acknowledged that my daughter was going a bit slow to try and get the man to back off a bit, but not rushed her, for example), but it’s easy to think of what you could have done in retrospect. Everyone gets flustered sometimes and it’s easy to feel rushed (whether or not other people are intentionally making you feel like that). I hope your daughter is okay today and doesn’t have sore knees/hands.

bluegreygreen · 23/05/2021 11:02

He’s an arse for rushing past you just to sit in his car and do nothing, he clearly wasn’t in a rush

I don't think you can extrapolate that - if his life is anything like mine at the minute he may have been rushing to join a Teams meeting from his car

LindaEllen · 23/05/2021 11:32

To be fair it's difficult at the moment. I was waiting outside Specsavers for my DP last week and an elderly gentleman stumbled off the kerb and fell into the road. I ran over along with someone else and held my hands out to him and he told me to get back and stay 2m away. He struggled to get up and gather his things and then limped off. I personally think the risk of covid was far too low at that point (as I assume he would have been fully vaccinated as well) to have refused help when you were sprawled out in the middle of a road. But some people don't have much of a sense of perspective about covid risk anymore. He could have been worried that either you were a risk to him, or you'd think that he was a risk to you.

You never know what's going on in someone else's life. You don't know why he was rushing to try and get past. You just don't.

You say you stewed over this all day - why? Things happen, but there's nothing you can do about them, so you need to move on. No number of replies to a thread will change what happened, and you're unlikely to see this man again so why let the situation steal a whole day from you?

eatsleepread · 23/05/2021 11:47

He was a dick. Only on MN would people think otherwise

mainsfed · 23/05/2021 11:52

@LindaEllen

To be fair it's difficult at the moment. I was waiting outside Specsavers for my DP last week and an elderly gentleman stumbled off the kerb and fell into the road. I ran over along with someone else and held my hands out to him and he told me to get back and stay 2m away. He struggled to get up and gather his things and then limped off. I personally think the risk of covid was far too low at that point (as I assume he would have been fully vaccinated as well) to have refused help when you were sprawled out in the middle of a road. But some people don't have much of a sense of perspective about covid risk anymore. He could have been worried that either you were a risk to him, or you'd think that he was a risk to you.

You never know what's going on in someone else's life. You don't know why he was rushing to try and get past. You just don't.

You say you stewed over this all day - why? Things happen, but there's nothing you can do about them, so you need to move on. No number of replies to a thread will change what happened, and you're unlikely to see this man again so why let the situation steal a whole day from you?

So worried about Covid that he was walking so close to OP?! Yeah right.

Original poster

Queenie6655 · 23/05/2021 11:56

@eatsleepread

He was a dick. Only on MN would people think otherwise

Prob my fault for posting on Aibu

Dick should have kept his distance in fairness

OP posts:

Brefugee · 23/05/2021 11:57

Meh. If you were uncomfortable how close he was - stop, turn and tell him so.
Or you take your toddler to one side and let him past.
Or you put up with it for the few minutes?

First child?

GreyhoundG1rl · 23/05/2021 12:00

Only on MN would people think otherwise
I never understand what this means. Are posters not real people, then?

lap90 · 23/05/2021 12:29

I don't think he was particularly rude, no.

I'd have just moved to one side.

I'm not sure If everyone goes around asking parents of toddlers who have taken a tumble whether their darling child is alright... other Mums might be more inclined to do so?

mainsfed · 23/05/2021 12:31

@GreyhoundG1rl

Only on MN would people think otherwise I never understand what this means. Are posters not real people, then?

It means often on MN people say things that they don’t do in real life.

Holly60 · 23/05/2021 12:34

@Viviennemary

Why didnt you stand aside and let him go past. I cant stand being behind dawdling folk who've got all the time in the world.

But I’m sure you recognise that this is your issue, and that others are not obliged to move out of your way or walk faster because you object to walking behind them.

OP next time just do your thing and let others take responsibility for their own impatience.