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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband booked a holiday,I don't want to do,aibu?

605 replies

breadbreadwine · 22/05/2021 10:44

My husband has booked a holiday for the half term.
I thought fab,just what we need...till he told me he has bought a 6 man tent and we are going away to Scotland for a week in a tent.
He's booked a parkdene tent holiday.
It was £155 for 4 of us and he has paid £700 for a tent.
He has bought sleeping bags,fridge etc
He said it's to save money.

Aibu here ?
A week in a tent in Scotland with 2 kids who don't sleep anyway.
I'm not high maintenance but I'm worried about the toilet /shower situation

I'm not happy

OP posts:
feelingsadtoday2021 · 22/05/2021 13:10

This brings back memories of my ex sulking in the car whilst me and his daughter had to stick the tent up !

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/05/2021 13:12

I'd be having a little cry. I don't mind camping in the right circumstances but if your new to it 2 weeks in Scotland is not the way to go. I'd need to be fully aware of the midge situation before I booked anywhere. First time camping should be shorter, does he have plans to manage thee clothes and washing or it that your job?

rookiemere · 22/05/2021 13:16

It's ok @Disfordarkchocolate should be far too cold to have any midges in May Confused.

DulciUke · 22/05/2021 13:17

Camping for mothers--all the same work as home with none of the modern conveniences. As others have said, I'd send him off with the kids and enjoy a quiet week at home. If they enjoy it, they'll be using the tent in the future. If not, he can always try to resell.

Spaceprincess · 22/05/2021 13:19

I go camping. I like camping. I wouldn't like my DP railroading me into something I didn't like. This would piss me right off.
All the posts about "lazy bbqs/long walks/fresh air zonking the kids/drinks round the fire" yes...as long as it isn't freezing cold and pissing it down..

Boonlark · 22/05/2021 13:20

I think you could either say that he can take the kids and you'll have a lovely holiday at home by yourself...Or you say that you'll come, but only if he is the one who does and cooking and getting up with the kids if they need the loo at night etc. Otherwise it's not a holiday for you.

What concerns me more if that he organised it all without talking to you, and that he doesn't see anything wrong with that

me4real · 22/05/2021 13:23

he is probably thinking of all the times the tent will be used on future trips.

@ThinWomansBrain So that'd be, like, ideally never as far as OP is concerned as she is one of the many, many people who don't like camping.

^Don't go if you don't want to. DH can enjoy camping with the children, you can organise something you want to do, or relax and enjoy being at home without childcare/housework/cooking for everyone...
OK - that's an assumption that you generally pick up the brunt of home/child care- but he sounds pretty selfish. Enjoy YOUR holiday.^

Some people absolutely cherish family holidays, and this trip would be taking days from time they could spend on a relaxing, restful family holiday. So I imagine OP wouldn't want to miss out on the idea of a family holiday in general, she just wants one that doesn't sound uncomfortable and grim.

should be far too cold to have any midges in May

@rookiemere I don't know if you're joking, but I remember rainy holidays in Scotland where it wasn't particularly warm and there were lots of midges. It's the rain they enjoy.

starfishmummy · 22/05/2021 13:24

Ebay tent? He needs to do a trial run then to make sure it is all there and there is no damage.

Has he considered how he will get tent, bedding, fridge, cooking stuff, clothes etc into the car....maybe there wont be room for you!!

Tartyflette · 22/05/2021 13:25

@MrMucker

Wow-previous posters getting acerbic and calling me judgemental. All I have said is that there are numerous pros to the holiday he has intended, and additionally he has intended to do a nice thing because he was convinced that those pros were enough to make a good time for them all. Also, it is clearly a luxury item in terms of what it is, and perhaps OP has missed that mitigation. If he got it wrong, he got it wrong, but why get sweary and shouty at me for pointing those things out?! What is wrong with this place?
You missed the most important bit, which is that this DH did not consult the OP in any way about the specifics of this holiday. If he had done some compromise may have been possible. Now this seems unlikely. I wouldn't be going either OP -- it's my idea of hell, especially the washing and bog facilities. Traipsing across a campsite in the dark/rain just for a wee? No thanks.
AmperoBlue · 22/05/2021 13:28

My parents live in Wigtown so I do Dumfries and Galloway a lot. I live close to the South Downs. I love the sun, the soft grass on the chalk downs and the pretty villages where I am.
D&G is the complete opposite and frankly makes me thoroughly depressed. It feels heavy and grey most of the time and the villages (all miles and miles apart) are heavy and grey too. It always rains at some point ( proper cold wet heavy rain) and even when the suns out you’re waiting for it to change. You couldn’t pay me to camp there and I think camping is ok ( maybe not a week and definitely not with kids).
And tents smell horrible.
And it will take another week to clean/dry out all the stuff.

Let me know if you need rescuing Op. Also going up at half term.

MrMucker · 22/05/2021 13:31

Well I haven't missed an important bit.
OP says that when DH said "Ive booked a holiday" her first thought was "fab, could do with a break" not "How dare you arrange something without me".
It was meant as a nice surprise and as it happens he got it wrong.
I don't know why people are breathing hot air about him making the decision. OP just needs to say "I dont want to go."
She wasnt that far yet when she posted, which is why the question "AIBU".
The question is about not liking camping, not about DH making a decision for everyone, because she wouldn't have complained if it was something she happened to like.

Twoforthree · 22/05/2021 13:31

I love camping so that part doesn’t bother me, but who the fuck springs that on someone without discussing it first. I’d be furious.

Is this common with him?

Dobbyisahouseelf · 22/05/2021 13:32

Nope. Your DH is having a laugh and I would wave them off and stay at home so you actually get a holiday!

I would not be happy if my DH sprung a surprise holiday on me unless it was somewhere where we had discussed going. In the present climate a week in Portugal would be nice but camping in Scotland no chance.

Disclaimer, my family camped a lot in the UK when I was growing up and it always rained, the towels were always damp and I hated it.

cakewench · 22/05/2021 13:38

I like camping. I don't love it, but I don't mind it. I volunteer at festivals a couple of times a year and enjoy it then.

May half term camping is bloody freezing in Derbyshire (actually ice on our tents a few years ago!), so I can only imagine what it will be like in Scotland.

Putting up a tent with your partner is already a marriage-straining exercise, but it will be so so much worse if neither of you has done it before, and compounded if the weather is shit.

I would genuinely send him off with the kids. fuck that.

Beetlewing · 22/05/2021 13:40

You get a week to yourself at home! Let him take the kids camping

roguetomato · 22/05/2021 13:43

Wow, I wouldn't be happy if my dh did it, especially £700 might get you nice cottage for a week. Camping only works if everyone is happy about it.

waitingforthenextseason · 22/05/2021 13:44

@KatharinaRosalie

I had a boyfriend once who booked a skiing holiday for us without discussing it with me first. What we had discussed was that a)I don't ski, b) I never want to learn to ski, c) I hate cold and snow and d) I always, always want to go somewhere warm with a beach for my winter holiday.

He was most put out that I wasn't thrilled and kept saying how other people would be so grateful. I told him to go date those other people then.

He sounds like a real joy. I hope you found someone more considerate.
MiaRoma · 22/05/2021 13:45

If the OPs husband has form for this sort of thing, and the OP has just gone along with it before, whilst moaning but doing nothing about it; its no wonder the husband keeps doing the same thing

You've got to communicate in ways he will understand, OP, not put up and shut up whilst whinging behind his back

FunMcCool · 22/05/2021 13:45

Sounds great to me. But holidays should be a joint decision.

waitingforthenextseason · 22/05/2021 13:46

@kitkat463

700 for an ebay tent is extortionate. You can get a brand new air poles tent for 6 for less than that! Under distance selling regs surely you can return it. However, if you go get decent camping mats, the ones that are foam and air, take lots of covers, you might love it. Is a beautiful part of the world.
Yep. He sounds rather poor with money and he's just wasted a lot of your family money.

I wouldn't be going with them ... send them off for a daddy/children bonding time.

willowtree66 · 22/05/2021 13:47

You could have a week in a fully equipped caravan for £700!

me4real · 22/05/2021 13:47

Also, it is clearly a luxury item in terms of what it is, and perhaps OP has missed that mitigation.

@MrMucker That's a minus/shows the stupidity of the purchase, the opposite of a mitigation. It's an unnecessary expense.

The question is about not liking camping, not about DH making a decision for everyone, because she wouldn't have complained if it was something she happened to like.

If it were me it'd be the distance (depending where they live) and the location, too, in term of the weather.

May half term camping is bloody freezing in Derbyshire

@cakewench Yes, brrr! I love Dovedale but that was awful.

Lipz · 22/05/2021 13:47

Christ on a bike!!! I'd be livid, I really detest camping. I did it as a child a couple of times and hated it, when older sil kept telling me it had changed and was much better, no it's not, it's still fucking shit!!!

It's so uncomfortable and we had blow up beds, we had to get ones without the material and just rubber incase it rained, the fucking squeaking every time I moved was horrendous, it was so cold that I thought I'd die!! I was fully dressed, in a sleeping bag and sil told me to zip the sleeping bag right up my face, yeah, that's great if you don't want to breath.

Walking through soggy, mucky, swamps was a nightmare. Queuing for toilets and showers was awful, dirty filthy arses leaving them manky dirty.

That shit of sitting around the fire, blah blah blah did not happen, we were not allowed a fire so sat around a fucking bbq!!! I just don't see the love for camping some people have, if you love your little luxuries or just to be able to sit on the Jack's without someone knocking asking if you're nearly finished then don't go, tell him to go with the kids.

Oh yeah and if you hate spiders definitely don't go, I swear every fucking spider and their granny took steroids and came to our tent.

romany4 · 22/05/2021 13:49

I lived in Dumfries for 12 years.
I can't imagine why you would go on ho!iday there!

Wheresmybiscuit3 · 22/05/2021 13:51

lol. I would go but I do love to explore. It could be worse OP! But he should have talked to you

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