To not want to spend time with "D"H? [Distressing content warning added by MNHQ]

[1sweatybetty]

In the last 24 hours, my DH has:

1. Told me a truly horrendous story about a "boxed" corpse of a child being accidentally put on top of a contracted transport vehicle (for transport to a morgue, presumably), the driver driving off, the box and corpse falling into the road, and some poor person finding it. He laughed while telling the story. I was horrified. We were out for a (rare) dinner without the children and I was so upset by the story and his callous way of telling it that I couldn't finish dinner. I have also repeatedly (over 30 times) asked him not to tell me work stories about dead or catastrophically injured children as I find it really upsetting (his job involves dealing with injured people, but he is not a medical professional). He eventually apologised after I told him repeatedly how bad it had made me feel.
2. Initially refused to drive me home to change after a child spilled half a plate of scrambled egg on me. Usually I'd just walk (we were about 2 km from home) but one side of my top was covered in egg. He finally relented but there was a good 20 mins of back and forth about it. I could have caught a cab but it was 20 minutes out of his morning.
3. Has just filled up the boot and back seats of our car with rubbish for a trip to the tip tomorrow, knowing that I am supposed to be driving a friend to the theatre shortly (am in Aus, it's early Sat evening here). It is mostly recycling but it's all a bit damp and there is a pile of mouldy pillows in there. The car reeks and either I unpack it then repack it afterwards (he will refuse to do so) or catch a cab - easy enough but just annoying as he knew I would be using the car tonight and could just as easily have packed it tomorrow. Also, we have 2 cars but he has just announced he is using the other so I cannot have it.

AIBU to stay away from him for a bit today? It feels like I'm sulking, but I am so annoyed that I just don't want to see him. He will be super-perky, as he always is when he can tell I'm annoyed

He has a long, long history of passive aggression and emotional neglect for which we are having marriage counselling. I have a history of taking things too personally (according to him at least, although our counsellor has often had a view that I'm not annoyed enough), hence the post here to check others' views.

LTB

@Naunet

No, I again used the word "punish" because as I said that's what I believe her insistence on her DH driving her home is a punishment as payback for her having to get him even though the situations are completely different in that he didn't have a car to drive home!

And he couldn’t possibly walk because...? And his reasons not to walk, wasn’t about punishing her, right? So he can demand lifts, but she can’t.

The point is, they both were weird about the lifts/driving, and when you’re already unhappy with someone, it’s easy to get hooked on the little things, they become grudges. But there is far more in OPs post than just the lifts.

He could have walked, sure. Be he asked for and and she gave one. She had a choice to. "Demand" no? he asked. He didn't have access to a car. She did. That's the difference.

AIBU to stay away from him for a bit today

That’s kicking the can down the road really. You sound like you don’t like each other and have both just resorted to pettiness which is causing you both to be miserable. Best you decide to split up.

I think he simply gets pleasure from upsetting you. I'd leave.

What attracts you to this man ?
What makes you stay with him ?

Yanbu to stay away from him. Stay away from him forever OP.

@1sweatybetty

It was quite a lot of egg, and it looked a bit like I'd vomited on myself. I just felt awkward walking looking like that - we know lots of people on the area.

Why would you be bothered if anyone saw your top. I never understand why people are bothered what others might think

@1sweatybetty

Stop explaining that it makes you feel bad. He knows it makes you feel bad. That’s why he is doing it. He is getting something out of upsetting you, and he is getting something out of you telling him again and again that he’s upset you while he sits there all wide-eyed pretending not to understand.

This made me cry. You are right. Fuck, that's what he's doing.

This. As I've already said he is cruel.

Married people do tell each other news and gossip - even unsavoury ones. I don’t think the coffin story is a big deal, especially in the context of his job. You seem very sensitive to it.

And he knows she’s very sensitive to it. Yet he still keeps doing it. Is that ‘what married people do’ too? Because if so, I’m glad I’m single.

The OP has repeatedly asked him not to do this. He continually refuses. But forget that - the real issue here, apparently, is that the OP didn’t drive herself home.

My ex used to say he wasn't abusive because he'd never hit me. The bar was set pretty low in that relationship. I hope you get my meaning.

I’d have shoved all the rubbish out on to the drive or wherever, brushed or hoovered the back seat and sprayed some air freshener and gone out in it. Absolutely - but I don’t think my DH would do something like that.