AIBU to think that child maintenance is actually very unfair to the RP?

[ECJW]

Just a thought I had due to speaking to my ex about costs for our DD and it hit me, NRP only have to give up a certain % of their incomes a week even though they don’t have to think about or incur any of the day to day costs of having children...

AIBU to think that it’s unfair that RP gets the brunt of paying for most of these things?

It occurred to me that even if ex paid £180 a month that it would only be covering DD’s packed lunches and a couple of extra bits and that’s it... that’s without normal groceries for her, drinks, clothes she might need, shoes she might need, school costs, activities and everything else...

Just out of curiosity, what do you think is an appropriate amount of child maintenance for one child when NRP has no other children to support?

Probably missing the point here but how on earth do you spend £180 per month on packed lunches plus a couple of extra bits? Packed lunch is surely no more than £10 per week!

DD has autism and therefore only eats certain things for lunch - a lot of the pre packed things that aren’t cheap - plus I said and a few extras - she still wears nappy pants due to her autism so these are very expensive and can only use certain brands for her skin due to skin irritation so these can cost up to £50 a time for a wash, shampoo, lotion, etc

Nope it's grossly unfair on the RP in most cases I find.

you think yours is bad, my ex was paying £7 a week for 4 children. I’ve recently cancelled it. It’s an insult.

Oh no CandyFlosss that’s awful! I don’t know how the hell some men think they can get away with that!

You’re not wrong. I worked out that if we spilt my DH would give £500 a month. Nursery is £54 per day and before/ after school club is £22. So I would be paying £380 a week in childcare and doing all drop offs etc when he would be free to do whatever.

You might have a point, but £180 a month is about £41 a week. That's easily half of our weekly shop for three people, including lunches. What the hell are you putting in these packed lunches?

I’ve mentioned in an above comment x

I also get £7 a week. I say it supports g.pigs not my dc..

Cross post!

My ex pays the exact amount csa calculator tells him. It is no way enough to support 3 teenagers.

My ex pays nothing as he doesn't have a job through choice.

He moved back in with his parents after we split 6 years ago and I believe does cash in hand mechanic jobs (and probably some illegal activities) to get by.

Something which I find grossly unfair here in France (not sure how it works in the uk) is that as RP i have to declare the maintenance from exh as income and am taxed on it...

He deducts it from his taxes...

NRPs, in general, pay nothing like half the costs of raising their children (obviously there are exceptions). The lack of consideration by the courts for childcare costs early on in a child’s life is one of the more egregious issues, but even without that maintenance payments rarely cover half the costs. But in general, children result in a massive transfer of wealth from mothers to people who aren’t bringing up children and NRPs benefit nearly as much as other childless people.

Yep, maintenance being based on the NRP’s ability to pay rather than the actual cost of raising children means the resident parent inevitably has to pick up the slack. I understand that you can’t make someone pay what they don’t have, but it enables NRP to make life choices without factoring in the need to pay for their children - a luxury resident parents don’t have.

It depends on many things. Many RP don’t work so aren’t paying anything, the state is. Some get far less so will be paying more but the likely benefit from more contact.

£180 from you both is £360 plus child benefit would easily cover the costs of a child unless in early years childcare.

But you did get to spend more time with the kid(s)

If you want to see how much it actually costs to raise a child, look at the expenses paid to foster carers. These are completely separate to their fees, which are taxable , same as anyone else’s wages. It’s just for their out of pocket expenses.

It’s between £134 and £235 A WEEK. Depending on age of child and nay special needs etc. This is the government website.

www.gov.uk/becoming-foster-parent/help-with-the-cost-of-fostering

Clearly it’s not an easy way to make money, otherwise there would be people queuing up to foster.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

It depends on many things. Many RP don’t work so aren’t paying anything, the state is. Some get far less so will be paying more but the likely benefit from more contact.

£180 from you both is £360 plus child benefit would easily cover the costs of a child unless in early years childcare.

Source ??

I think it often depends; we would have more money if DSD lived with us as she doesn’t cost the amount of money DH pays in maintenance a month and we already pay the extra cost of having a house big enough for her. DSDs mum probably has more available cash than us a month despite not working and us both working full time. Although we also often end up paying for a lot more like shoes, activities, school trips as we don’t want her to miss out when her mum says no.

In many cases you’re right, it some you’re obviously not.

If the NRP has regular contact they need bedrooms, clothes, coats, shoes, gadgets, books, toys, pay for days out and holidays, gifts for parties etc.

I have two step children who we provide all of the above for and it would cost us far less to have them full time than DH pays in maintenance. Child support costs more than our mortgage - on a house big enough to house them - in an expensive part of the country. And we’re stuck where we are because she moved without telling him (or the kids, that was fun ) so when we bought we moved closer to where they were so we could see them as much.

By all means have a vent about your useless ex but not all set ups are the same.

The trouble is maintenance is usually bare minimum. And what the government believes is essential spend is usually a lot less than most people want to spend.

After school clubs, special diets for fussy eaters etc are important but not essential.

If dw and I ever split and I was nrp I would pay more than maintenance because I agree with the nonessential premium things we currently spend money on. I wouldn't pay towards extra expenses I didn't agree with though.

You've only just thought of this?

@IND1A sorry but I’m not sure of your point; foster carers are paid that amount of money because they’re not expected to have to pay out of their own pocket for children they look after whereas a RP obviously needs to contribute to their own child and it’s not just up to the NRP

It's ridiculous my ex has fiddled his tax so he's paying less than he should be.. he's on over 1000 a week and pays half of what he should pay