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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think that child maintenance is actually very unfair to the RP?

592 replies

ECJW · 21/05/2021 19:16

Just a thought I had due to speaking to my ex about costs for our DD and it hit me, NRP only have to give up a certain % of their incomes a week even though they don’t have to think about or incur any of the day to day costs of having children...

AIBU to think that it’s unfair that RP gets the brunt of paying for most of these things?

It occurred to me that even if ex paid £180 a month that it would only be covering DD’s packed lunches and a couple of extra bits and that’s it... that’s without normal groceries for her, drinks, clothes she might need, shoes she might need, school costs, activities and everything else...

Just out of curiosity, what do you think is an appropriate amount of child maintenance for one child when NRP has no other children to support?

OP posts:
ArgyleIsle · 21/05/2021 21:33

I can’t quite get my head around that if they are willing to go to such extremes not to pay anything for their own flesh and blood why do they still want to see their kids - or do they not see them if they are refusing to pay

No mine continued to see his DC's throughout, whether he paid or not and whether he played the system or not.

He would take them to try and reduce his payments and leave them elsewhere so he could still live his life ("no one was going to tell him when and where he could see his own children") ....till the CSA asked for diary entries of overnight stays that were actually with him.

Wegobshite · 21/05/2021 21:35

Personally I would link non payment of CSA to their credit file and stop them
That would probably focus their mind a bit if non payment on CSA means a CCJ or missed payments on their file

It would stop a lot of them from being able to get a new house, a nice new shiny car and getting the latest phone on credit
Fuck it I would even link to their passports so that they wouldn’t be issued one while they owe CSA
No going on holidays until it’s payed and if they start not paying again then their passport get blocked 😂 imagine getting to the airport to go on their honeymoon with the OW and the computer says no 😂😂
I would even put points on their licence If it were up to me with a special code for non payment of CSA 😂 just like you get for drink driving

I have always found that generally the thought of being punished financially seems to focus the mind a quiet a bit and as it is at the moment if you have a shit credit file it can screw you over in many other ways
I know that none of this will ever happen but it would be amazing if it could be in place
Of course it won’t work with some parents but I think for the majority it would probably focus if they really want to do this .

IND1A · 21/05/2021 21:37

I’d vote for that @Wegobshite

KarmaNoMore · 21/05/2021 21:38

I think the CSA calculated amount is only fair if both parents earn similar salaries but it is often the case that we women feel the need to take a step back in our careers or ambitions to cover the our part of parenting abd the one our other half wouldn’t do, so we are obviously disadvantaged by a calculation that assumes similar incomes.

Having said that, I have seen close hand how paying over the CSA calculation can leave a nrp living on beans on toast.

OverTheRubicon · 21/05/2021 21:38

@EvilPea

Completely op. If a resident parent did it they’d be charged with neglect.
Yes. Can you imagine is an RP spent £14 on their DC, like an NRP on benefits is able to do?

Yes, I appreciate that an RP is likely to get housing assistance etc that an NRP doesn't, but not enough to make it up to the £167 a week per child that the same government seems to think is a minimum for fostering expenses...

ArgyleIsle · 21/05/2021 21:38

@Getyourarseofffthequattro - I'm sure it did, the 'other' child's dad is sure it did...

I don't understand why you are more sure than me that it can't have happened...it did.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 21/05/2021 21:39

[quote ArgyleIsle]@Getyourarseofffthequattro - I'm sure it did, the 'other' child's dad is sure it did...

I don't understand why you are more sure than me that it can't have happened...it did. [/quote]
Because they publish how the calculate payments and it doesn't add up.

reallyreallyborednow · 21/05/2021 21:41

I’d rather be rp though however much it cost. I can’t imagine not living with my kids, never mind paying someone else to be rp against my will.

ArgyleIsle · 21/05/2021 21:42

Me too @Wegobshite

My ex might have had to pay the extra £3.00 per week towards his arrears, rather than go skiing....

Or buy his fancy cars, personalised number plates...

And whilst the tax payer paid towards his DC's childcare ....

Travis1 · 21/05/2021 21:42

Ffs @Getyourarseofffthequattro give it a by eh? 🤦🏻‍♀️

CandyFIosss · 21/05/2021 21:43

I’d rather be rp though however much it cost. I can’t imagine not living with my kids, never mind paying someone else to be rp against my will.

Sadly not all nrp share that view. My is absent through choice

user1471538283 · 21/05/2021 21:45

I didnt get a penny ever. I just dont know how people have so little shame.

However, even ordinarily the resident parent is much worse off.

Wegobshite · 21/05/2021 21:45

@IND1A
I just think that if I don’t pay my phone bill, parking fine, tv licence basically pretty much anything that I should pay and don’t it will screw up my credit file pretty quickly
Without a decent credit score I can’t get loans, credit cards , mortgages rent a house .
I think In some professions I wouldn’t be able to work if I had a ccj
Even with social housing they want to credit check you and get references so I think that if your the sort of person that won’t pay CS then your really not a nice person and therefore it should affect you in some significant way
And generally stopping people from doing stuff that they take for granted like getting a mortgage or a house rental or the latest phone is normally a pretty good way to focus their mind on what they need to do 😂

ArgyleIsle · 21/05/2021 21:45

@Getyourarseofffthequattro - yes, the letter shows the calculation and the deductions regarding the 'other' child. It was very clear and changed at the point of the child moving in .

I'm going to end it there. I know what happened, I know how little the maintenance was.

It doesn't change anything just because you think differently.

LouLou789 · 21/05/2021 21:47

At one stage (15 years ago) we were bringing up my two children, receiving no support from their dad, and paying £200 a month to support my DH’s son (his mother was having several foreign holidays a year and swimming in money with her new DH) whilst paying an increased mortgage as we’d had to add £30k to our debt to pay off my boys’ dad under a court order) We were both working but also took on evening jobs to be able to manage
I guess there could never be a system that is fair to everyone.

FunMcCool · 21/05/2021 21:48

@milkytwilight

Deadly serious, it costs a lot to run a house and raise a child.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/05/2021 21:48

Exh and I have one child. He has no other children to support. I receive £500pm maintenance. Based on his wage and him having DS 3/4 nights a month. I think that's fair and I'm happy with that amount.

me4real · 21/05/2021 21:54

I agree. Whenever women mention how much they get from their ex/CMS, I'm really surprised and shocked.

reallyreallyborednow · 21/05/2021 22:02

Deadly serious, it costs a lot to run a house and raise a child

Yes, but how is the nrp supposed to run a house and contribute to raising a child if they’re left with £500 a month to live on?

Also if you have kids with someone on NMW, why do you suddenly expect them to be able to hand over £1k a month and pay for all their own bills.

It certainly doesn’t cost me 2k a month to house my children. It doesn’t cost that to house and feed the 4 of us. When you split you have the same income supporting 2 households, you can’t magic money out of nowhere because the bills for two families cost more than one household.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 21/05/2021 22:08

[quote FunMcCool]@milkytwilight

Deadly serious, it costs a lot to run a house and raise a child.[/quote]
Lol. Presumably the nrp can run a house on thin air tho?

ArgyleIsle · 21/05/2021 22:16

but how is the nrp supposed to run a house and contribute to raising a child

But isn't the hard line...if you can't afford the children you have, don't have more, even with someone else.

If we all go on and have more children we can't afford to raise then the taxpayer is picking up the bill. Is that fair either?

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 21/05/2021 22:19

@ArgyleIsle

but how is the nrp supposed to run a house and contribute to raising a child

But isn't the hard line...if you can't afford the children you have, don't have more, even with someone else.

If we all go on and have more children we can't afford to raise then the taxpayer is picking up the bill. Is that fair either?

What if they don't have more children and still can't afford £1000 a month (ie most people)
ohthejoy21 · 21/05/2021 22:24

I am strongly of the belief that the part time/non existent parent(s) should legally have to be involved with 50% of all costs with children. If any residential parent brought up their child with the same financial requirements they would be charged with neglect

FunMcCool · 21/05/2021 22:41

@reallyreallyborednow it costs us a lot more than 2k to house and feed 4 of us. Everyone’s circumstances are different but yes I wouldn’t expect someone who earns 1400 a month day to pay a 1k. I just think it’s so unfair when some NRP sail of into the sunset and hardly pay for the real cost of raising a child.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 21/05/2021 22:53

@ohthejoy21

I am strongly of the belief that the part time/non existent parent(s) should legally have to be involved with 50% of all costs with children. If any residential parent brought up their child with the same financial requirements they would be charged with neglect
How do you accurately figure out half the costs though? It's so subjective.