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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery workers false accusation

141 replies

beecurtains · 21/05/2021 18:09

I've been sent a screenshot of a post from a local Facebook group posted by a lady who works at a nursery near us.

There's a photo of one of our relatives leaning on the fence outside of a kids park accusing him of being a paedophile hanging round watching and shouting over at the children. Relative had taken my DC out, he is in a wheelchair and can't get into the actual play area so would have watched them from behind the fence.

The post got a quite a few shares and 100's of comments calling him horrific names, people saying they will look out for him and making threats if they ever see him again. Shes liking and replying to all of these comments, asking people to share and warn other parents.

I dont want to tell him about this as he would be devastated but I'm worried hes now at risk and angry someone would post something like this about him.

WIBU to try and contact the nursery? Surely its a crime to publicly accuse someone like this with out any proof and especially bad considering her job?

OP posts:

ShamrockHillz · 21/05/2021 22:34

@GypsyWanderer

For something anecdotal, I’m part of a local Facebook group and somebody videoed confronting a man who has allegedly been staring and talking photos of children. Apparently a few people had seen him doing this. The Facebook group blew up! People were saying they knew him and where he worked. Others were putting photos of the car he drives and where he likes to walk etc. I know somebody who he works with and the whole office were talking about it. The police were called obviously and he went to the station himself. It turned out that it was mistaken identity. It was a similar looking guy but not the same guy, one person made a mistake and everybody else jumped on and it got out of control. Purely anecdotal I know but it shows how these things can quickly turn into a witch hunt.

This doesn’t surprise me at all. Unfortunately this kind of mob mentality seem to have gotten worse over lockdown. Our local Facebook page has had similar incidences. One of the parents from dc school was put on blast for apparently looking inside cars (our area has had a lot of car crime recently). Poor guy had his picture taken and plastered on the local page with a warning that he was hanging around looking at cars. It was literally his walk into school every morning. He did the same walk every day and they accused him of being a car thief with no evidence. Everyone at school saw it and he had to contact admin to have it removed. Awful for him because, even now, some people think he’s dodgy and he’s done nothing wrong.

memberofthewedding · 21/05/2021 22:37

How dreadful for you and your relative. Inform the police immediately and ask them to take action against the author of this defamatory post. I would also contact Facebook, your local newspaper and TV company, The worker needs to be named and shamed for posting such filth without any definitive proof. Next fathers will be unable to take their young children out for a walk.

Jabba2020 · 21/05/2021 22:37

Your poor relative, there is potentially a risk to them now so you really need to tell them.
The police definitely need to be contacted so they know that if there is a call or disturbance from your relatives phone or house they need to attend asap.
Get your relative safe as a matter of priority, ask admin to comment on the original post and remove the picture, then deal with the woman and nursery later.

Feedingthebirds1 · 21/05/2021 23:03

I think you say something to her and to the nursery after you've spoken to the police. There was a poster on MN not long ago who said they'd had an issue with the school who had absolutely begged her not to go to the police, promised all sorts of things, and then when she took it no further the promises weren't kept.
Speak to the school when it's too late for that, the police have to be told.

BarbarianMum · 21/05/2021 23:05

We had our own little community witch hunt here last week. First rumour was of a woman attacked and chased in the woods by a man wearing latex gloves, then downgraded to a man lurking in the bushes and acting suspiciously. Turned out he was one of the local community action group out litter picking with his wife (wearing gardening gloves).

saraclara · 22/05/2021 00:19

So was this nursery worker at work when this happened? It's not clear.

HalzTangz · 22/05/2021 00:21

Contact the police, people like this girl should be arrested

HalzTangz · 22/05/2021 00:27

I also wouldn't bother messaging her or commenting on the post. Those threatening violence have already held kangaroo court, they want believe a post proclaiming innocent.
Get your husband to join the group and photo every single post
Phone your relative and tell him, his life could be in danger tonight.
Phone the police tonight
Email the nursery tonight

honeybuns007 · 22/05/2021 06:08

OP please report back to us what action you took and the outcome. I feel so sorry for your relative. One thing for sure that must happen after contacting all relevant parties is to demand a HUGE GROVELLING retraction and apology. Demand that the accuser contact every single person who liked the comment and explain their f-up and beg them to tell everyone that they spread the story to. And demand the nursery also issue a massive apology. The apology has to have triple the impact of the accusation. When you communicate with them, make them clear on how discriminatory their mid-action has been and threaten them with every action possible.

honeybuns007 · 22/05/2021 06:09

Mistake not mid-action

IHateCoronavirus · 22/05/2021 06:32

I actually feel sick reading this. Your poor relative.
I hope it gets resolved quickly, to cause him no distress.

Groovee · 22/05/2021 06:50

I'd go to the police with screen shots, then nursery and if in Scotland the SSSC.

Esspee · 22/05/2021 07:08

My husband was carefully supervising our two under fives from outside the fence at a play park in London when he was reported by someone and accosted by a park employee.
I can only assume that all the children being white and him not was certain proof he was a paedophile.
You need to explain the situation very publicly and call the nasty woman out. I would also report her to the police and her employer.
Unfortunately you will have to let your relative know in case anyone behaves differently to him. Poor man.

Member984815 · 22/05/2021 07:18

Screenshot everything and keep it to show the nursery and the police

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 22/05/2021 07:48

I hate these vigilante groups, they do so much more harm then good. Always reminds me of this: www.theguardian.com/uk/2000/aug/30/childprotection.society

I think unfortunately you will have to let your relative know :(

Pompom2367 · 22/05/2021 07:52

Phone the police op

ProbablyAboutTime · 22/05/2021 08:02

This is horrifying and I really hope OP has gone quiet because they’re dealing with it.

I see it all the time on Facebook community groups now. If anyone stops to tie their laces in the park they’re dog thieves or kidnappers. There needs to be something done about this vigilante justice, I think some people just put pictures/posts like that up for attention.

toffeebutterpopcorn · 22/05/2021 08:10

They seem a paranoid bunch in these groups. Curtain twitchers extraordinaire...

Tohaveandtohold · 22/05/2021 08:25

Screenshots and definitely phone the police. I hate people who do this. Please op let us know when you have an update

londonrach · 22/05/2021 08:26

Report to police and nursery and contact admin on the site. Your poor family member.

Concestor · 22/05/2021 09:05

@ThatChristinaAguileraSong

Contact the admins of the page and don't ask them to delete it - ask them to EDIT it clarifying the situation. Deleting it only stops more people from seeing it, it won't change the opinion of anyone who has already seen it - an edit will be more visible. What she's done isn't a criminal offence but contact the police because the threats are - so contact the police. She's committed slander, a type of defamation, so she needs to make a post saying that she was mistaken.

It's not slander, slander is verbal, it is defamation because it is written to a third party.

eatsleepread · 22/05/2021 09:07

That's just awful. Poor guy

Bertiebassetsbabe · 22/05/2021 09:10

Your poor relative.

I hope you’ve contacted the police. Definitely contact her work Monday, she needs to be help accountable for her actions.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/05/2021 09:17

By all means threaten a defamation action but it’s a complete non starter. The costs would be horrendous and it’s highly unlikely that a nursery worker will be in a position to pay them.

Definitely worth a complaint to the police about a disability hate crime of harassment. You can’t leave your relative oblivious, because they might be in danger.

MrsBarnstable · 22/05/2021 09:29

Your poor relative. Screen shot, call the police and let your relative know
Make it clear that you are considering further action. And want a public apology These things have a ripple effect for years
Let the police deal with the nursery
I feel so sad about this. Where did our innocence go?

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