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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unfair sibling inheritance?

128 replies

Sooperdooper19 · 20/05/2021 18:43

I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers. 3 of us are married and work although none of us are high earners, own small cheap houses and rarely holiday abroad etc. One sister had been on benefits for many years due to MH issues and now also has mobility issues. She lives in an HA flat.

Then there is my youngest sister who is mid 40s. She has never left home and has only worked part time in a minimum wage job for many years. No idea why she doesn’t work full time but that’s her business. She has no medical issues preventing full time work btw.

My mum is very unwell and likely to live only a few months and my dad passed with COVID last year. I have recently found out that myself and my younger sister are executors for their will and have also discovered that my sister is able to remain in my parents house for 15 years after the death of my mum at which time, the house can be sold and split 5 ways. As future beneficiaries, the 4 other siblings are expected to assist in keeping the property in good order during the 15 year period.

I don’t mind as I have what I want and don’t have or want an expensive lifestyle. However, 2 of my other siblings are really not happy that the house can’t be sold within say a year (as they believe that is plenty of time to give my living at home sister chance to sort out alternative accommodation). They feel like she is being rewarded for being lazy and not making her own independent life.

I should point out she refuses to do any care for my mum apart from cooking her meals when she makes her own. Everything else is dealt with by carers.

My mum doesn’t have capacity now to change her will. My siblings wish to contest the will legally when mum dies and expect me to want to do the same. Although I agree to a certain extent and agree my sister is a lazy freeloader, it feels wrong to go against my parents wishes.

So AIBU to help contest the will when I’m not morally convinced it is the right thing to do?

OP posts:
SapatSea · 20/05/2021 19:01

Unless the estate is worth a lot then the cost of contesting it could wipe out any inheritance. Will the estate be liable for inheritance tax? If so, the house might have to be sold anyway to cover that. Has your DM stipulated that you all contribute to the maintenance of the house, what would happen legally if they didn't. Usually the person who has "leave to remain" pays for upkeep. Did your DM have the will drawn up by a solicitor?

PhillipPhillop · 20/05/2021 19:10

Crikey, you sound like a bunch of vultures who would rather your sister be homeless so you can get your hands on the cash. The point about the upkeep is that it is in your best interests to keep it in good condition otherwise you could lose ££££ having to sell as a doer-upper. For whatever reason your DM didn't want to see your sister homeless and 5 years will give her time to consider what she's going to do. How about help and encouragement from the rest of you so she might get out sooner?

PhillipPhillop · 20/05/2021 19:12

Oops sorry I've realised it's 15 years! That's a long time to keep a property in good repair for future sale. I think I would definitely help your sister with a new property before then.

Tooshyshyhushhushioi · 20/05/2021 19:14

@PhillipPhillop

Crikey, you sound like a bunch of vultures who would rather your sister be homeless so you can get your hands on the cash. The point about the upkeep is that it is in your best interests to keep it in good condition otherwise you could lose ££££ having to sell as a doer-upper. For whatever reason your DM didn't want to see your sister homeless and 5 years will give her time to consider what she's going to do. How about help and encouragement from the rest of you so she might get out sooner?
but its not 5 years its 15 !!!!!

I think you have to suck it up OP - it's your mums wishes and there is not a lot you can do. As executor you need to carry out her wishes

NailsNeedDoing · 20/05/2021 19:16

Do women in their mid forties really do nothing in life and live off their elderly parents for no reason other than they’re lazy? It would seem very strange if there isn’t anything else going on for her.

You feel like it would be wrong to contest the will because it would be if you want the house to be sold. Contest it to say that you don’t feel like you should have to pay towards the house while your sister lives in it if you need to, I think I’d be more inclined to just not pay anything.

The only good thing to come out of it would hopefully be that your sister isn’t made homeless in her sixties. Otherwise it would just cause misery and division that will last the rest of your lives for the sake of money.

BluebellsGreenbells · 20/05/2021 19:17

Can you charge her rent on the remaining 4 shares?
What if none of you can afford a new kitchen or repair bills?

Can she?

KatherineOfGaunt · 20/05/2021 19:19

@PhillipPhillop

Crikey, you sound like a bunch of vultures who would rather your sister be homeless so you can get your hands on the cash. The point about the upkeep is that it is in your best interests to keep it in good condition otherwise you could lose ££££ having to sell as a doer-upper. For whatever reason your DM didn't want to see your sister homeless and 5 years will give her time to consider what she's going to do. How about help and encouragement from the rest of you so she might get out sooner?
It's not 5 years, though, it's 15! That does seem like a long time.

However, I would just let this go, I think. As @SapatSea says, contesting could cost a lot. At least you still have a legal claim to a fifth of the house at the end.

My mum's dad died twenty years ago, leaving a second wife. She was entitled to remain in the house until her death, when it passed to my mum. I don't know all the ins and outs, but the house was sold around 15 years ago and my mum didn't get the inheritance at that point. So I wonder if there will even be any money left by the time this lady dies. It seems unfair as it was his second wife, married when my mum was really 30s, who has her own children and is outliving my grandfather by years. I've no idea what will happen (how will they separate any money coming to my mum from the rest of the woman's estate? Will there even be any left after years of care home fees?) but I know she felt his will should be followed.

Billybagpuss · 20/05/2021 19:19

It’s not actually doing you sister any favours, if you sold up now, it would give her enough for a decent deposit which means she could possibly get a mortgage to buy herself a small property to see her through retirement, but in 15 years time, she’ll be 55 her mortgage options will be fewer and she may end up eating through the inheritance paying rent somewhere.

Slippy78 · 20/05/2021 19:20

Who told you that life was fair?
They were lying.

Keepitonthedownlow · 20/05/2021 19:22

It's a long time but at least it's not forever, I feel sorry for your younger sister as if she falls out with her siblings over this it won't be great, perhaps she will want to come to some sort of compromise?

mumwon · 20/05/2021 19:50

a friend's remarried df (akka new step mum) was left the property but her step had lifetime residency -so she couldn't sell or move in until her step mum had left this mortal coil
Friend took loans out on property so she could use it for her own needs (extending property etc) If its allowed & the property does need fixing could you take loans out?Being very careful about it being a loan for a set amount & NOT a percentage of property so the upkeep is paid for by the property? I think it might be an issue to get rid of your sibling after 15 years - I think you need to talk to solicitor to ask whether you can do this kind of loan or a higher level one

Original poster
Sooperdooper19 · 20/05/2021 19:51

Thanks for your views. I should point out I’m not bothered about my sister staying there for 15 years but 2 of my siblings are. The house is worth about £275k I would guess.

I think the consensus of opinion is that my sister has lived rent free there forever and my parents allowed her to live there for the additional 15 years as she would be providing them with support to avoid care homes. However, she is not providing any care AT ALL and mum is paying for this.

I kind of agree with a PP that it would be better for my sister to get alternative accommodation within the next couple of years as opposed to in her 60s but she won’t do that voluntarily.

There really isn’t any back story to my sister, she just is apathetic about ever leaving home, getting a decent job etc. She isn’t very socially able and has no friends as far as I know. And whilst I agree with ‘my annoyed’ siblings in that she is getting rewarded for basically, never leaving home, I don’t care enough to want to join them in what will no doubt be a long drawn out battle that will line the pockets of solicitors!

As far as sharing the upkeep of the house in the meantime, that does stick in my throat a bit tbh. And no, not all of us can afford it. However, I know my sister will not keep on top of maintenance at all and in 15 years time, I have no doubt the house will be a hovel. It’s not in the best condition now.

OP posts:
TheLastLotus · 20/05/2021 19:51

If all of you can afford it I would contest - only because you may need to end up helping your sister anyway when 15 years down the line she is made homeless from the house sale.

Better to sell now and make a clean break. There’s no pleasant way to deal with this

TwoAndAnOnion · 20/05/2021 19:55

I have recently found out that myself and my younger sister are executors

You only just found out? this was not discussed with you? you did not consent? the solicitor didn't write and advise you?

Your job is to carry out your mothers wishes.

TwoAndAnOnion · 20/05/2021 19:58

@BluebellsGreenbells

Can you charge her rent on the remaining 4 shares? What if none of you can afford a new kitchen or repair bills?

Can she?

That isnt the terms of the will. She has a 15 year tenure.
jessycake · 20/05/2021 19:58

From your mothers point of view , she doesn't want to go to her grave worrying about her daughter , and it was her house and money and her right to do what she felt was best . She could have really upset the applecart and left the house entirely to your sister . I understand why everyone is upset . Perhaps your sister can start saving or borrow some money and buy some of you out .

Original poster
Sooperdooper19 · 20/05/2021 19:58

@TheLastLotus

If all of you can afford it I would contest - only because you may need to end up helping your sister anyway when 15 years down the line she is made homeless from the house sale.

Better to sell now and make a clean break. There’s no pleasant way to deal with this

To be honest, I don’t get on with my sister at all so no, I wouldn’t be helping her should she be made homeless in 15 years time. The only sibling she really gets on with is the one on benefits who wouldn’t be in a position to help her.

She’s not a particularly pleasant person and some of her behaviour has been questionable so no guilt for feeling this way.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 20/05/2021 20:00

There’s a difference between physical care and companionship, though, which could be thought of as psychological and social care. Plus I bet she does a lot more of the day to day trivial tasks that you don’t notice.

Original poster
Sooperdooper19 · 20/05/2021 20:02

@jessycake

From your mothers point of view , she doesn't want to go to her grave worrying about her daughter , and it was her house and money and her right to do what she felt was best . She could have really upset the applecart and left the house entirely to your sister . I understand why everyone is upset . Perhaps your sister can start saving or borrow some money and buy some of you out .
I really do agree, I absolutely don’t want my mum bothered by any of this and I will make sure she isn’t. However there is no chance my sister will buy any of us out. She will have plenty of savings I would imagine as she’s had no bills to pay EVER and doesn’t got anywhere to spend her money. Unless she has an online gambling habit 😉.

Seriously she will stay put until the 15 years is up!

OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 20/05/2021 20:03

Yanbu

Stressedtoddlermum · 20/05/2021 20:03

It’s the upkeep I’d be worried about. That could cost a lot and if your sister is only working part time will she expect you all to pay?

We just had to spent 5k on a new boiler! 15 years is a long time to maintain a house.

Stressedtoddlermum · 20/05/2021 20:04

Saw your update about her probably having savings. I’d refuse to pay any upkeep, but wouldn’t be bothered about her living there and would just cut my loses and not think about 15 years time.

NoSquirrels · 20/05/2021 20:05

She isn’t very socially able and has no friends as far as I know.

She doesn’t necessarily sound as if she has no issues. ‘Not very socially able’ could be disguising many problems.

You’ll be better all round if as a family you can work with her to persuade her to move out independently into her own property within a reasonable timeframe without getting into a legal battle. £275,000 split 5 ways is £55,000 each and you can lose a hefty chunk arguing. Concentrate on getting her good advice on housing and the positives of moving. You could even offer her an incentive rather than waste the equivalent on lawyers.

chicfrick · 20/05/2021 20:05

@Billybagpuss

It’s not actually doing you sister any favours, if you sold up now, it would give her enough for a decent deposit which means she could possibly get a mortgage to buy herself a small property to see her through retirement, but in 15 years time, she’ll be 55 her mortgage options will be fewer and she may end up eating through the inheritance paying rent somewhere.
I agree with this. Maybe your sister will see that this is an opportunity for her to get her own forever place and not be waiting to be kicked out? 15 years goes quickly when you get older!
Elouera · 20/05/2021 20:06

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, and now the ill health of your mum. This alone must a strain on you and your siblings.

This exact scenario happened to an uncle of mine- but, the will said that the person could stay in the house till they died- NOT just 15yrs!!! Therefore, the siblings wouldn't get any money for possibly 30 yrs! One sibling contested it, and got a paid amount at the time, and couldn't also claim when the brother in the house died and it got sold.

Can your sister afford the current house bills, insurance and general expenses? Is she expecting the siblings to contribute to this too? What exact things are stipuled as 'upkeep' that you all need to contribute to? Does she have savings for living rent free forever? Could you speak to citizens advice or a solicitor for more advice?