Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unfair sibling inheritance?

128 replies

Sooperdooper19 · 20/05/2021 18:43

I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers. 3 of us are married and work although none of us are high earners, own small cheap houses and rarely holiday abroad etc. One sister had been on benefits for many years due to MH issues and now also has mobility issues. She lives in an HA flat.

Then there is my youngest sister who is mid 40s. She has never left home and has only worked part time in a minimum wage job for many years. No idea why she doesn’t work full time but that’s her business. She has no medical issues preventing full time work btw.

My mum is very unwell and likely to live only a few months and my dad passed with COVID last year. I have recently found out that myself and my younger sister are executors for their will and have also discovered that my sister is able to remain in my parents house for 15 years after the death of my mum at which time, the house can be sold and split 5 ways. As future beneficiaries, the 4 other siblings are expected to assist in keeping the property in good order during the 15 year period.

I don’t mind as I have what I want and don’t have or want an expensive lifestyle. However, 2 of my other siblings are really not happy that the house can’t be sold within say a year (as they believe that is plenty of time to give my living at home sister chance to sort out alternative accommodation). They feel like she is being rewarded for being lazy and not making her own independent life.

I should point out she refuses to do any care for my mum apart from cooking her meals when she makes her own. Everything else is dealt with by carers.

My mum doesn’t have capacity now to change her will. My siblings wish to contest the will legally when mum dies and expect me to want to do the same. Although I agree to a certain extent and agree my sister is a lazy freeloader, it feels wrong to go against my parents wishes.

So AIBU to help contest the will when I’m not morally convinced it is the right thing to do?

OP posts:
user1487194234 · 20/05/2021 21:12

@Spiderplantsoutside

I don’t understand how you can have a legal obligation to maintain the house. I would refuse
Essentially they are the owners of the house and the sister has a right to live in it So they pay to maintain their property
Changemusthappen · 20/05/2021 21:12

Difficult situation OP, agree with others - can she afford to live there working part time? Council tax, utility, tv etc all adds up.

That said - assuming she ends up staying there just make sure that you and your siblings have buildings insurance covered. She may not bother to pay this and if something happen you could end up with nothing.

Zzelda · 20/05/2021 21:14

What are your siblings' grounds for thinking the will could be contested? As stated, you can't do it just because you think it's unfair. I'm no expert, but my understanding is that you could only contest if your mother had a duty to maintain you (presumably not) or if she was of unsound mind at the time when she made the will.

Original poster
Sooperdooper19 · 20/05/2021 21:15

@sbhydrogen

Forgive me if I've missed this, but have any of your siblings (or you) actually spoken to your sister about it?
Lol...we haven’t had to, she has told us she will not be moving out. And followed it up with a request to contribute to getting a leaky roof fixed. We declined!

Re the maintenance issue, you’re all right, we can’t be made to maintain it...but I suppose it’s in our best interests to ensure it doesn’t fall into a complete state of disrepair.

OP posts:
Thehouseofmarvels · 20/05/2021 21:15

@dotcattan Future uncle in law gets visits from us and younger sister. Future MIL has refused to visit the uncle with downs syndrome since 2015. This was because she was doing a slagging off session about her sister ( and quizzing him about money) but uncle with downs syndrome stormed off crying. The issue was that she wasn't living there with the lodgers, so it was effectively just rented out, to a person in each room rather than a family if you see what I mean. The whole point was she was supposed to live there. She apparently said she would move in after the lodgers were kicked out. My fiance has spoken to his aunt for the first time since he was 17 as he was told his aunt didn't like him by his mother which was untrue. His aunt seemed to think his mother has been living in the house the whole time, and we had to explain she had been living in her own house, then moved in with a new partner. The house should be sold because his mother doesn't live with her, but his aunt who is a trustee jointly with a solicitor is fed up of arguing with her so will wait till either she or the uncle dies.

Newkitchen123 · 20/05/2021 21:18

Whenever I see a post about inheritance I usually think here we go again!
But this is just ridiculous. How on earth can a will dictate that you spend your money that you've worked for maintaining a house that you don't live in! I've never heard such madness!

BornIn78 · 20/05/2021 21:21

I can’t see how you can be legally forced to maintain the house.

I would tell your sister to swivel for any maintenance, and sell it as a hovel, priced accordingly, in 15 years time.

MiniCooperLover · 20/05/2021 21:22

What value is the house at, at the moment if it's going to be divided 5 ways? I would contribute to any upkeep

Thehouseofmarvels · 20/05/2021 21:25

Just googled it and I think you need to check if the will has actually created a trust or not. It the house is owned by the trust for those years you might be ok if any of you need benefits but if not it looks like your share of the property might be seen as capital in savings calculations for benefits. Definitely talk benefits stuff though with a solicitor.

Wegobshite · 20/05/2021 21:33

My DHs mother did something like this
When she died she left her house to my DH but allowed her partner to stay in it
With the expectation that my DH maintained the house in full .
He put a lodger who was a friend in the houses - plenty of space as it was a large detached house with en-suite abs separate bathrooms ( and there was nothing in her will to stop my DH doing this )
And although her boyfriend didn’t like it he couldn’t do anything about it
He left after a few years and my DH rented it out fully .
No way was my DH going to maintain a house at his expense to house a fully grown man

TheNoodlesIncident · 20/05/2021 21:41

@BornIn78

I can’t see how you can be legally forced to maintain the house.

I would tell your sister to swivel for any maintenance, and sell it as a hovel, priced accordingly, in 15 years time.

This is what I would do also.

If the house is a hovel in fifteen years' time, it will impact on the inhabiting sister's ability to buy another property too. So it is in her best interests to maintain it. She is the one who doesn't have another house to live in meanwhile...

squiglet111 · 20/05/2021 21:41

That's interesting that she's wanting contribution to fix the roof. I wonder if the will was written by her! Seems very much in favour of her wants and needs. Surely being able to stay in the house for 15 years rent free should be enough without expecting everyone else to contribute to the upkeep! What was your parents thinking! Crazy

Theunamedcat · 20/05/2021 21:49

Get lodgers in and use the income to maintain the house?

My concern is how the one on benefits will be affected

duodunical · 20/05/2021 21:52

So the house belongs to all of you, but your sister is allowed to live there rent free for 15 years. I like the lodger idea that a previous PP was talking about.

Thehouseofmarvels · 20/05/2021 21:53

Honestly if this was me I would ask a solicitor if I was legally able to install my own lodger. If you there is nothing in the will to say you can't then you probably can. If you got a couple who engaged in noisy love making and violent arguments she might agree to pay her own repairs in exchange for them leaving.

Thehouseofmarvels · 20/05/2021 21:55

If all of you agreed to get particularly annoying lodgers and refused to remove them until the property was sold she might agree to do just that!

Viviennemary · 20/05/2021 21:59

You need legal advice. This is all wrong.

GettingItOutThere · 20/05/2021 22:09

the lodger idea is genius, you all own the house, i doubt she will want to live with another random person?

could use that to your advantage

Thehouseofmarvels · 20/05/2021 22:12

I would explain the situation to the lodgers and tell them that if they can irritate her into selling they will get a cash prize. I'd encourage them to be as rude irritating and messy as possible. Even buy them a drum kit.

ButtonMoonLoon · 20/05/2021 22:13

She will have a much better chance of getting a mortgage now than she will aged 60 so I’d be using that as a suggestion to get her to move out and find a one bedroom property for herself.

diddl · 20/05/2021 22:13

It doesn't seem right that the one daughter would get the use of the house but the others would also have to pay.

I get that it would also be their house, but then it isn't in ifiány meaningful way they aren't free to sell it or benefit at all for 15yrs!

A "downside" of living in a house is the upkeep!

Thehouseofmarvels · 20/05/2021 22:14

Or install some students who love having noise house parties ever weekend.

dollytub · 20/05/2021 22:19

What if you and all your brothers/sisters moved back in now? She would have to evict you.

EasterEggBelly · 20/05/2021 22:20

@BornIn78

I can’t see how you can be legally forced to maintain the house.

I would tell your sister to swivel for any maintenance, and sell it as a hovel, priced accordingly, in 15 years time.

Another agreeing with this. I just couldn’t face contesting a will that I knew was my parents wishes. If I had doubts about their capacity or felt they had been coerced etc then I would but not if I knew it was what they wanted.

I do think your sister is BU to deny their siblings their inheritance for 15yrs when she is perfectly capable of living elsewhere but then I have a massively selfish sibling who could give yours a run for their money, so actually I get that people like this exist.

Thehouseofmarvels · 20/05/2021 22:24

@dollytub the sister living in the house could not evict the siblings from a house they own. Especially if the sister who is in benefits got her housing benefit taken away due to owning a share of a property. Which is probably what is going to happen. In the same way when couples split they can't evict their ex if they both own the house.