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Original poster

Do I help my son with this silly purchase? Or chalk it up to experience?

114 replies

StopSayingDueDiligence · 20/05/2021 15:59

My sons 10th birthday, he got some money.

He went out to play with friends and came home wearing a black-ish cheap tacky chain.
I asked him where he got it and it was his friend/bully kid that lives near here, also 10.

He charged him £16 for it.
It is worth about £4-5 brand new. It's no type of metal. I know because DS was pointing out which one he wanted on Amazon.

It certainly isn't worth £16.

We called the kid, I spoke to him on Ds's phone explained that DS had made a mistake and could he swap back? This was about 20 minutes after the purchase happened.

He agreed to bring it to school the next day.

He hasn't and now making excuses and refusing to give the money back.

Ordinarily I would pop by and see the mum.
Except the mum and Nan are not nice people and I've had to block them on all social media. They are basically adult bullies and deeply unpleasant.

Should I chalk it up to experience (my eldest made a similar mistake at the same age) or be a wuss and send DH round?

OP posts:
iklboo · 20/05/2021 17:45

Send your DH round

Why? To bully a 10 year old kid to give money back?

Original poster
StopSayingDueDiligence · 20/05/2021 17:46

@Thatisnotwhatisaid

I’d chalk it up to experience personally. I know it isn’t exactly the same but my DS made some poor decisions with Pokemon cards when he was into that and he ended up with lots of fakes. He learnt his lesson.
Ah yes, we are very familiar with that scenario as well, with older DS. I would argue that it is the same, some of those cards are worth an absolute fortune.

I think you're right.

OP posts:
IEat · 20/05/2021 17:46

Why didn’t you speak to his parents?

AmberIsACertainty · 20/05/2021 17:48

It wasn't a swap, it was a sale. Why do you call exchanging money for goods a "swap"?

If the other child sold something then he sold it. He's not a shop so why should he give a refund?

Your son needs to learn not to hang around with the bully because that's not a friend.

What is your DH stepping in to bully the other child into giving a refund teaching your son? Maybe if your son came home crying because this other child had insisted on the sale then you'd be justified in sorting it out. But if he made the purchase willingly then he faces the consequences.

Regardless of what you do, the other child isn't going to learn anything from this because his family are bullies and he's being told it's ok.

Original poster
StopSayingDueDiligence · 20/05/2021 17:48

Why? To bully a 10 year old kid to give money back?

Of course! Is that not is normal where you are?
I was urge him to find a pokey stick on the way round and wave it at him. Grin

No clearly not, and you know it.
It would be to discuss with the parents what a plonker our son had been and could they swap back.

But it's pointless isn't it.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/05/2021 17:48

Entitled twats like this will be the ones growing up tarmacking your nans drive for 20k

Very probably, yes, so better to learn the lesson over £16 than £20k

It's a shame for you son, OP, but I doubt he'll get conned like this again - which is probably just as well since someone like this could easily have other stuff he'd like to sell him

Crazylikechocolate · 20/05/2021 17:48

Send DH round to collect the money and give the chain back , sounds like your son has been bullied by the boy into buying it

Original poster
StopSayingDueDiligence · 20/05/2021 17:49

Why do you call exchanging money for goods a "swap"?

Ah no you're correct. I should have said "can you refund him." That would have been more correct and acceptable.

They aren't a shop and I was talking age appropriately to a child.

OP posts:
AlmostSummer21 · 20/05/2021 17:50

@StopSayingDueDiligence

Why did you let your 10 year old go out to play with that much money? Not a very wise decision.

Oh come on now.

As if I had any idea the daft plonker took cash out with him. Hmm

And to the person who asked why he had money - as I said in the OP, it was his birthday and he got birthday money.

I agree with the majority though, chalk it up to experience.
DS feels mightily screwed over though. And is saying he wants his money back Confused

For £16 I wouldn't be going around (or encouraging DH to) to Nasty Nan's or Mouthy mums.

As DS is feeling screwed over, it's a perfect (snd cheap) life lesson. Do your research before spending your money & choose your friends wisely.

If he wants his Dad to go around there HE needs to talk to his Dad & his Dad needs to decide how he wants to help DS / go around or explain why not.

Original poster
StopSayingDueDiligence · 20/05/2021 17:50

Your son needs to learn not to hang around with the bully because that's not a friend.

Lovely bit of victim blaming there.

Noice.

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 20/05/2021 17:55

What message would the boys get from sending your husband round? If the women can't sort it with words send the man in to intimidate?

iklboo · 20/05/2021 17:56

@StopSayingDueDiligence - sorry I was calling out the posters who'd suggested it, not you. Madness!

LowlandLucky · 20/05/2021 17:57

Your son is 10, would you rather he learnt this valuable lesson now or when he is an adult when there maybe a lot more money involved ?

whataboutbob · 20/05/2021 17:57

I agree this is a painful life lesson. Nothing to be gained by going over to the bully boy’s home, there’s clearly a family culture of being dishonest and unpleasant ( if they’re that horrid I wouldn’t be surprised at a criminal history there). It’s an opportunity to have one of those more difficult talks, about how some people can’t be trusted because they are not nice and want to take advantage of others. The upside is DS will start to learn to judge peoples character.

Invisimamma · 20/05/2021 17:58

Chalk it up as lesson learned.

Take his money and keep. Is somewhere safe for him, he can ask you for it when he wants to buy something.

Original poster
StopSayingDueDiligence · 20/05/2021 18:00

If the women can't sort it with words send the man in to intimidate?

That's a fucking massive leap and typical Mumsnet.
They would learn that you can sort things out by discussion and realisation of fault (my DS's) and hopefully kindness and understanding. (In an ideal world anyway).

Anyway, I'm off to binge watch Innocent.

Thanks to those who have been level headed, fairy and helped me see sense.

And thanks to the OTT responses that are bordering on batshit, they genuinely made me LOL a few times.
Good old Mumsnet Grin

OP posts:
MadeOfStarStuff · 20/05/2021 18:02

He needs to learn the lesson and move on, and you need to step back. He made a poor choice, he needs to live with the consequences

Far better to learn that mummy can’t fix everything you screw up at age 10 over £16 than as an adult when it could be £1000s.

Miasicarisatia · 20/05/2021 18:07

friend/bully kid that lives near here
if you so much as say one harsh word to this kid the adults will take their cue to wreak vengeance upon you and your children's children forevermore
it aint worf it!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 20/05/2021 18:10

He probably felt as though he had to buy it. I would either go round and sort it out with the mum myself, or give him the money back myself if he was unhappy with it.

flashylamp · 20/05/2021 18:11

@StopSayingDueDiligence

This overstepped a mark IMO. You phoned a ten year old over this?

I didn't call anybody.
I said I spoke to him over the phone.
DS called him, it was on loud speaker and i mentioned what a daft decision my DS had made and could we swap back.

I'm hardly stalking children.

I did not say you were staking children. Stop being ridiculous.

You called him. Ok, your DS called him Hmm

Same thing.

flashylamp · 20/05/2021 18:13

@PaperbackRider

And why have 10 year olds got phones?

most 10 year olds have phones. Keep up.

Keep up?

Pinot4evs · 20/05/2021 18:17

Well you let the child go out with all that money to play, and you’re scared of the family so I don’t think there’s really anything you can do!

You could reimburse him yourself if you like, seeing as it is kinda your fault...

HyggeTygge · 20/05/2021 18:25

"black-ish"?
What's it made of?

cansu · 20/05/2021 18:32

You really should be having words with your ds about 'buying' things from friends. His birthday money should be kept at home and you take him out to let him spend it or let him use it to buy something online. I would not be getting involved with this other child and their family.

Twoforthree · 20/05/2021 18:36

Even if he was happy with his purchase, you point out the he was ripped off and discuss how he can avoid a similar situation in the future, especially if he felt pressurised. Talk through strategies to deal with this type of situation.
I wouldn’t ask the child for the money back, even if the parents were nice. It wouldn’t drive the message home half as well, if you rectify the situation for your ds. £16 is a small price to pay, that could save him a fortune in the future..