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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this is a stealth post or am I a miserable cow?

309 replies

Sternschnuppe · 19/05/2021 19:13

I'm due to start a new job in June. It's a complete remote position and I'll be training for four weeks at the beginning with other new starters.

I don't know any of the people I'll be training with, but today I saw on LinkedIn that one of the HR people at the company who headhunted me liked a post of one of the new starters at the company.

It went along the lines of "I'm so happy and excited to start my role. During this pandemic, landing this dream role right after getting my university degree hasn't been easy. I'm feeling so blessed and can't wait for this new chapter in my life"

I was rolling my eyes to the back of my head when I read that and just thought how narcissistic and full of self-praise this person is to write this publically on LinkedIn, but am I being unreasonable?

Is this the new normal and I'm just being a miserable, bitter cow that should get with the times?

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 20/05/2021 20:30

@JellyBabiesFan

Closely related are the endless complaints of being "attention seeking", itself the most heinous crime even when you've chosen to see this person's content and it really hasn't done anyone any harm

It is attention seeking.

It is perfectly normal to discuss and be proud of your achievements with your family and friends, but giving it the biggun on platforms such as linkdin and instagram is generally always attention seeking.

And? So what?

Some people like being visible, making a mark and sharing their successes. Why does that make them inferior? They're not tearing anyone else down. What's the moral value?

Why are they such bad people, but ripping them apart in a guff cloud of moralistic self righteousness is so much better?

We get so many people boasting about how they never boast, it clearly isn't making them happy or they wouldn't be so sour about it.

tryinghardnottocry · 20/05/2021 21:42

My husband is head-hunting me - I have reminded him that unlike the sixteenth century it will not be acceptable to have my head on a pole outside the house

winniestone37 · 20/05/2021 21:50

How is it full of self praise? I mean it seems over the top to me but not full of self praise. I’m guessing she did it for browny points. It’s made you feel irritated. I think you’re worrying too much. The proof is in the pudding ie your work. Go for it on the training day- be personable, attentive and as genuine as you can be and RELAX.

Drunkenmonkey · 20/05/2021 21:55

@drSbaitso I don't boast and I am really happy,
I just don't feel the need to boast on social media. I often think what is the benefit? Some will read the post and cringe and think it's distasteful, some will read the post and barely notice it, and others will read it and actually feel shit because they've just lost their job or house or whatever. Very few except close family and friends (who you would tell in real life anyway) will be excited by your post.

It really does serve zero purpose except to give the poster an ego boost, but if you are actually happy in yourself you don't really need the external validation of social media.
Liking or disliking these kind of posts is very much personal preference, I probably wouldn't warm to a boastful person outside of social media either, but you rarely see that. How often do you meet someone in the pub and they say
'last week I was so honoured and priveleged to attend so and so...' or 'i have just landed my dream job I am feeling so blessed'
You don't! I wonder why?

godmum56 · 20/05/2021 22:18

@traintraveller

Yeah you're a miserable cow
this....I mean why make such a big deal of what is essentially nothing?
DrSbaitso · 20/05/2021 22:46

[quote Drunkenmonkey]@drSbaitso I don't boast and I am really happy,
I just don't feel the need to boast on social media. I often think what is the benefit? Some will read the post and cringe and think it's distasteful, some will read the post and barely notice it, and others will read it and actually feel shit because they've just lost their job or house or whatever. Very few except close family and friends (who you would tell in real life anyway) will be excited by your post.

It really does serve zero purpose except to give the poster an ego boost, but if you are actually happy in yourself you don't really need the external validation of social media.
Liking or disliking these kind of posts is very much personal preference, I probably wouldn't warm to a boastful person outside of social media either, but you rarely see that. How often do you meet someone in the pub and they say
'last week I was so honoured and priveleged to attend so and so...' or 'i have just landed my dream job I am feeling so blessed'
You don't! I wonder why?[/quote]
This is mostly you boasting about how you don't boast and how much happier and more secure you are than those who boast (as you see it) differently. So I guess if you really do want want know why some people do it, and why it makes them feel better about themselves, you could work it out.

As for the very little else there is: it's the medium. Different channels are designed to be used in different ways. People often write differently to how they speak, and address different audiences in different ways. Online, in person, small familiar group, big Internet audience, whatever.

It's risible, self righteousness crap to think that people who post positively about themselves on social media must be lacking. Frequently their confidence is precisely why they're happy to be visible. Not all of them, of course, but don't tell me everyone who hides away is totally brimming with self-esteem either.

And even if it were true, why would you begrudge them their "ego boost"? If you're right, then their obvious insecurity and unhappiness is their just punishment for not being like you. Hooray. And if they feel better for posting stuff that you're free to stop seeing at any time, well, why would you care? You're so happy and fulfilled, after all!

It is such moralistic crap and the PP was right, it's very, very British. It's nothing at all to do with being a good person.

Kidson · 21/05/2021 04:13

She’ll probably get far. LinkedIn is a great way to engage professional contacts. Like it or not it’s all part of the game now. We have to self-promote to get jobs/work our way up the ladder etc. It’s hustling. And finishing Uni and getting a great job is a great achievement. Years of study etc so she has every right to be proud of it. You say you just don’t take yourself that seriously, but it actually seems to be the opposite; you seem to take yourself too seriously

dayswithaY · 21/05/2021 07:37

Yes it's cringe, but it's what people do now. At my company, new starters will post on our online forum about how grateful they are to be here and how wonderful their induction was. In these times, people will do anything to stand out and progress. Good luck to them, I say.

It's always been there though. I remember one job I had about 10 years ago, a new starter produced a handwritten letter which she gave to her manager on her first day, thanking her for the opportunity.

Some people just don't have the inner cringe factor. They tend to do quite well.

WouldBeGood · 21/05/2021 08:15

Sounds awful to me.

YANBU

Martybelfast · 21/05/2021 09:22

🤣🤣 I think it’s just the way things are today. Social media - whether it’s linked in or Instagram.. It’s almost all ‘for show’ as our grandparents might have said. It’s about networking and saying things to be noticed. Indeed they were as HR confirmed their post was noticed. It’s all a game. Just play out, even though it is cringe. You’ll benefit from it!

Martybelfast · 21/05/2021 09:23

*play it

JokeTheCoalman · 21/05/2021 09:29

[quote Sternschnuppe]@Bluntness100

Read my last post, please - I think that should clarify it for you.[/quote]
I don't think anything will clarify it for Bluntness100, they are a bit thick

Barrequeen · 21/05/2021 09:35

It’s totally normal although a little narcissistic.. I just landed a new role last week and was so tempted to do one of those posts.. however I’m doing a maternity cover so felt I shouldn’t as I didn’t want to upset the person leaving as we have a long handover. However yesterday I noticed a new started had done this so I reached out to them and it was actually really nice chatting on LinkedIn. Helping to reassure her that the remote work induction would be ok etc etc. It also gives you a chance to engage with people before you start as many will start to welcome you to the business…

Martybelfast · 21/05/2021 09:39

@tryinghardnottocry
🤣🤣

shivawn · 21/05/2021 09:42

LinkedIn is all about self promotion, it different to normal social media.

Martybelfast · 21/05/2021 09:48

@shivawn not really. Instagram Facebook tiktok whatever else - also all about self promotion. Just linked in is working related self promotion.

Drunkenmonkey · 21/05/2021 10:01

@DrSbaitso erm no! You were the one who said and I quote 'we get lots of people boasting about how they never boast well it clearly isn't making them happy'
To which I responded that I AM happy and I don't boast. My point was in direct response to your outrageous claim that people who don't boast aren't happy.
Why would I boast on Mumsnet? What would be the point? Noone on here knows who I am, I name change regularly, what kind of social kick would I get out of boasting on here?
I could sit here and tell you that I own a £5m mansion and a Ferrari (I don't before you accuse me of boasting) but what would be the point?

The reason many dislike posts like this on social media is because it appears fake and self centred. In real life you don't really see it. You learn social etiquette from a young age and if you met someone for a drink and they started some monologue about themselves and how successful and amazing they are most people would be put off by that.
I wouldn't dislike a person for making a post like that, I wouldn't not hire them or say anything negative to them, but I would inwardly cringe and I really dislike that aspect of social media, and I am perfectly entitled to that opinion.

I'm also not alone in thinking, many people are now starting to turn away from social media because this addiction to 'likes' and needing approval isn't actually particularly healthy.
We were never designed to be social animals at that kind of scale and it comes with huge drawbacks for peoples mental health too.

DrSbaitso · 21/05/2021 10:26

[quote Drunkenmonkey]@DrSbaitso erm no! You were the one who said and I quote 'we get lots of people boasting about how they never boast well it clearly isn't making them happy'
To which I responded that I AM happy and I don't boast. My point was in direct response to your outrageous claim that people who don't boast aren't happy.
Why would I boast on Mumsnet? What would be the point? Noone on here knows who I am, I name change regularly, what kind of social kick would I get out of boasting on here?
I could sit here and tell you that I own a £5m mansion and a Ferrari (I don't before you accuse me of boasting) but what would be the point?

The reason many dislike posts like this on social media is because it appears fake and self centred. In real life you don't really see it. You learn social etiquette from a young age and if you met someone for a drink and they started some monologue about themselves and how successful and amazing they are most people would be put off by that.
I wouldn't dislike a person for making a post like that, I wouldn't not hire them or say anything negative to them, but I would inwardly cringe and I really dislike that aspect of social media, and I am perfectly entitled to that opinion.

I'm also not alone in thinking, many people are now starting to turn away from social media because this addiction to 'likes' and needing approval isn't actually particularly healthy.
We were never designed to be social animals at that kind of scale and it comes with huge drawbacks for peoples mental health too.[/quote]
Oh do me a lemon. When I mention people who boast about not boasting, and you respond by boasting about how you don't boast, you haven't disproved my point just because I mentioned the act first. You've corroborated it.

Why would you boast on Mumsnet? I guess for the same reason anyone does on their medium of choice. Makes more sense on a career website, tbh. For whatever reason, this makes you feel superior to those who do it while owning it openly and not being anonymous.

You think it is fake and insincere. Sometimes, I'm sure it is, but fakeness and insincerity are not inherent to the act. That's moralistic nonsense. Some people are effusive and like being seen. You don't have to like them, but they aren't your inferiors for it.

If social media is negatively impacting your mental health, come off it or tailor your feeds. It's not up to other people to meet your personal subjective standards on the "right" way to use it. I actually post more when I'm happy and stable, so there.

Tbh, when I see someone who isn't content to use social media as they prefer and just mute anyone who is apparently doing it "wrong" - who has to make moralistic and self righteous judgements about it - it makes me think they're jealous of those who use it different, to positive reception. It's not a moral issue and yet they're so angry that justice, as they see it, fails to be served.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 21/05/2021 10:28

It's a bit cringe I agree but I find Linked in a bit cringe as well.

Drunkenmonkey · 21/05/2021 10:40

@DrSbaitso haha you initially confused me with the boasting about not boasting whilst boasting rant but did you actually just type 'so there'?
I have never at one point claimed to be superior to anyone, or told anyone how to use it, what on earth are you ranting about. If I said I didn't like a book would you tell me I'm dictating to people how to write books?!
I personally hardly ever use social media anymore so I don't have any need to tailor any feeds, thank goodness, but it doesn't change the fact the I don't like braggy posts.
So there.

Drunkenmonkey · 21/05/2021 10:48

On a serious point, the mental health point is actually in reference to people who post a lot, it wasn't in reference to people who don't like those posts who can of course just scroll on or come off social media altogether.
Continuously seeking the approval and admiration of others has implications for mental health, that was what I was referring to.

gottakeeponmovin · 21/05/2021 10:55

That is in no way a stealth boast. It's very possibly a bit of arselicking to the new company but potentially she is just excited

LizzieW1969 · 21/05/2021 10:57

It was a bit gushing, I agree, but not something I’d give much headspace to personally. It’s par for the course these days because of the impact of SM.

DrSbaitso · 21/05/2021 11:03

but did you actually just type 'so there'?

Yes. It was a small joke. You don't have to find it funny, but it doesn't invalidate anything I said.

You are free to dislike any content you wish. My suggestion would be to mute it and not think about it. It is strange that this is not enough for so many people.

When you complain about things being "braggy" and "fake" and "insincere" and go out of your way to let people know that you don't do them, of course that's an implication of superiority. Come on, you can see that.

I'm afraid that I simply don't believe for a second that any of your objection to "braggy" social media posts comes from a heartfelt concern for those people's mental health. That's a fig leaf for the real reasons that you were more open about. But if you truly are worried about that, you're not going to improve their self esteem by making it a moral issue when it isn't one. Don't participate if you don't like it.

Drunkenmonkey · 21/05/2021 12:20

@DrSbaitso my concern for mental health was related to the wider issue of social media as a whole and how the relentless seeking of approval on social media isn't good for society especially young people and that does worry me as I have kids.

The reason I don't like those posts is really simple though, I just don't like them. Just like I don't like the tone in certain newspapers, or the delivery of certain news presenters. Everyone has preferences, it doesn't mean you think you are 'superior' to them.
There are lots of things on social media that I do like, I like seeing friends photos and seeing what people are up to, I like informative posts, I like posts that raise debate, but I just don't like posts that exist purely to brag, it's cringeworthy.

Anyway we are going round in circles, if only there was a preference on social media called 'only show me posts that are non braggy' but alas, it doesn't exist.