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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘With science I can have a baby whenever I want’’

341 replies

Laughingstock91 · 18/05/2021 20:40

Naomi Campbell had had a baby at 50 - not sure if she’s given birth or it’s a surrogate but her comments really irritated me. She said ‘with science I can have a baby whenever I want’ - do people actually think about the baby? I am sure she’ll be a lovely mum but it makes having a baby just sound like something to tick off on a list when you have decided you have had enough of everything else no matter what age you are. Maybe I am being harsh but if it’s that easy with science, why wait until you are 50?

Aibu?

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/05/2021 19:18

????

As I understand it, in the UK, a prospective adoptive parent would be grilled at length about how they would balance the demands of work and childcare. Saying 'I will pay for day and night nannies and I will see the child when my work schedule allows' would not impress.

The extra demands on adoptive parents are because it's recognised that children who've had to be parted from their birth family are vulnerable and will have additional needs.

Somehow this all goes out of the window for a person who becomes a parent through a surrogacy arrangement.

OhHolyJesus · 19/05/2021 19:33

Somehow this all goes out of the window for a person who becomes a parent through a surrogacy arrangement.

Yep. Background checks for the commissioning parents have been considered by the law commission in their proposals but I understand from those who attended their events during the consultation period that it will be done with a 'light touch'. Hopefully not so light that paedophiles can commission children (David Farnell). I'm still ploughing through the report I shared earlier.

Interestingly, prospective surrogate mothers undergo compulsory counselling (when going through an agency, but there is nothing to stop them from doing this without an agency and making a private arrangement) but this appears to be an assessment to whether they will be capable of relinquishing their parental rights and I think it's during these sessions or certainly around that time, if not before, that the woman begins to see herself as a vessel being 'used' for a purpose.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 19/05/2021 19:49

Why on earth was my post deleted? Are we not allowed to point out that surrogacy is exploitative?

SundayBloodySunday · 19/05/2021 20:06

I can't help feeling that she'd have less flack if she was the father.

DisposableNamechange · 19/05/2021 20:08

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

Why on earth was my post deleted? Are we not allowed to point out that surrogacy is exploitative?
If you message MNHQ they’ll tell you.
Sparklingbrook · 19/05/2021 20:14

MNHQ are probably rolling their eyes at having round two of all this after yesterday's thread was deleted.

SmokedDuck · 19/05/2021 20:15

@SundayBloodySunday

I can't help feeling that she'd have less flack if she was the father.
Having used a surrogate? I don't know, in general I think that people are as likely to criticise men about this as women. Unless it's a gay couple, people are hesitant then.
OhHolyJesus · 19/05/2021 20:18

I can't help feeling that she'd have less flack if she was the father.

Oh I don't know, I saw a fair bit of criticism aimed at Jon Snow for doing the same. I don't think it's any better or worse if you're the CM or CF. I don't think it matters.

Whoever buys a baby is buying a baby and renting the body of the mother who made him/her/them.

Longdistance · 19/05/2021 20:21

What observed was, she was giving interviews and there was no baby in sight. Now, don’t get me wrong, but when I had dds they didn’t leave my side, they were glued to me. So very telling.

HavelockVetinari · 19/05/2021 20:26

@ZoeCM

It won't really matter to the child if she's too tired to play. Children of A-listers are often raised by nannies. Brad and Angelina's kids used to call their nanny "Mom".
How on earth would you know that? Hmm
HavelockVetinari · 19/05/2021 20:26

(N.B. I'm totally against commercial surrogacy btw)

HarrisMcCoo · 19/05/2021 20:27

Wee Bridget was born disabled so her parents left her in Ukraine and abandoned her. They flew back to the US. Rumours were they went on to use a surrogate from the same agency to have twins next. Surrogacy means that you can leave damaged goods behind if you don't fancy taking them home. Or just order another baby if you feel like it. Bridget was biologically theirs. But they disowned her.

Delphinium20 · 19/05/2021 23:30

I think without the details, Naomi may be setting up a lot of women for disappointment. At fifty it wasn't just science which allowed Naomi to have a child...it was likely other women's bodies or children (egg donation, embryo donation). Most women wouldn't want to use another woman's body nor grow another woman's baby from donated eggs. There is a lot of wonderful science to treat infertility, like IVF, surgeries, hormones, etc....but the chances of infertility treatment allowing you to have your baby with your body at 50 are slim to none. I think honesty is better than this non-specific 'science can fix anything'. Too much heartbreak, IMO.

This seems like a realistic article for women who want to birth their own child after 50...essentially, it's very rare or the science isn't there yet:

www.fastcompany.com/90341271/the-quest-to-extend-womens-fertility-to-50

Viviennemary · 19/05/2021 23:54

When Elton John and his partner had their children nobody turned a hair. They presumably used a surrogate.

HecatesCatsInFancyHats · 20/05/2021 00:18

I wonder about the logical conclusion of embracing surrogacy. For commercial surrogacy to operate successfully for want to be parents it requires a steady stream of host mothers (surrogates). So basically you're establishing an industry in which the means of production are women's bodies. It's costly so it's mostly only available to the wealthy - hence we regularly read stories about celebs using surrogate mothers. Do we think their surrogates are equally wealthy? We know from the USA where commercial surrogacy has been operating for sometime that they aren't - so this is a means for women from disadvantaged backgrounds to use their bodies for cash. But pregnancy and childbirth are risky endeavours for women, esp where ivf is involved, with the increased risk of multiple births. Wealthy people are asking poor women to put their health on the line so that they can buy a baby. I'm not even getting into the baby industry in countries like India and the Ukraine where women are lined up to be exploited to make money for brokers. Capitalism is ruthless, but we have a choice not to create a marketplace in which women's wombs are for hire and babies are for sale.

Italiangreyhound · 20/05/2021 00:41

SundayBloodySunday

"I can't help feeling that she'd have less flack if she was the father." she would get zero flack for becoming a dad at 50.

Italiangreyhound · 20/05/2021 00:42

John Snow becane a dad again at 73. Not 50.

Delphinium20 · 20/05/2021 05:01

Wealthy people are asking poor women to put their health on the line so that they can buy a baby

It's never the other way around.

EmeraldShamrock · 20/05/2021 06:31

I can't help feeling that she'd have less flack if she was the father." she would get zero flack for becoming a dad at 50.
I think the flack is down to natural fertility age with men staying fertile they don't have the issue or need a third party to carry the baby.

stillreallytired · 20/05/2021 06:44

Any sort of arbitrage between parties is exploitative if there is a large disparity of wealth.

Badpicknic · 20/05/2021 06:46

@Delphinium20

Wealthy people are asking poor women to put their health on the line so that they can buy a baby

It's never the other way around.

Quite. Just look at what happened to wet nurses babies.
Suzi888 · 20/05/2021 06:54

YANBU 50 is too old. The ship has definitely sailed in my opinion!

Suzi888 · 20/05/2021 07:03

@HarrisMcCoo

Wee Bridget was born disabled so her parents left her in Ukraine and abandoned her. They flew back to the US. Rumours were they went on to use a surrogate from the same agency to have twins next. Surrogacy means that you can leave damaged goods behind if you don't fancy taking them home. Or just order another baby if you feel like it. Bridget was biologically theirs. But they disowned her.
^ Just read the story, that poor child. Her future looks very bleak.
HarrisMcCoo · 20/05/2021 07:09

Suzi888 you can watch the documentary on YouTube. I was upset watching it. Incredibly sad to think she has been abandoned. Unwanted by her own biological parents.

HarrisMcCoo · 20/05/2021 07:10

That's the reason I will never feel comfortable about surrogacy - Bridget.