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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Identifying a pedophile to his neighbours

637 replies

Bipitybopityboop · 17/05/2021 23:20

If you found out, through work, that a pedophile was going to live on a certain street near you.
Would you anonymously let the neighbourhood know?

Would you want to know?

This could not be traced back to one individual.

OP posts:
Hertsgirl10 · 20/05/2021 10:31

So all children need to be constantly treated as it a predator is around 24/7 but the actual problem can walk freely, do what they like and carry on as long as the kids can’t live properly.

I do get what you’re saying and yes I do live like that, always have done. Never left my children with anyone aside from 2 family members.

The point is we should not have to worry and more needs to be done.

And the person that said kidnap is extremely rare. More than once a day in London children are being kidnapped .... where have you been?

People are patrolling in the mornings and after school now. It’s happening it’s real.

Black children are being targeting at a very huge level. If you’re not seeing this then you’re choosing not to. But believe me it’s happening. Every single day.

MoonCatcher · 20/05/2021 11:54

@Allington

For all those saying that those of us who are against disclosing the information 'aren't taking safeguarding seriously' - it is completely the opposite.

I know I need to protect my children from potential predators who have not been identified as a risk. If I do that, then I don't need to know that so-and-so down the road has a conviction - my children are protected against them just as much as the other people I don't know.

Exactly. And for every convicted sex offender there'll be plenty more no - one knows about because they haven't been caught, and often in positions of trust whether within or outside a family unit.
MoonCatcher · 20/05/2021 11:56

@Hertsgirl10

So all children need to be constantly treated as it a predator is around 24/7 but the actual problem can walk freely, do what they like and carry on as long as the kids can’t live properly.

I do get what you’re saying and yes I do live like that, always have done. Never left my children with anyone aside from 2 family members.

The point is we should not have to worry and more needs to be done.

And the person that said kidnap is extremely rare. More than once a day in London children are being kidnapped .... where have you been?

People are patrolling in the mornings and after school now. It’s happening it’s real.

Black children are being targeting at a very huge level. If you’re not seeing this then you’re choosing not to. But believe me it’s happening. Every single day.

What is your source of information for this, it sounds very concerning but I'm not aware of child kidnappings every day.
reallyreallyborednow · 20/05/2021 12:05

And the person that said kidnap is extremely rare. More than once a day in London children are being kidnapped .... where have you been?

I would also like to know more about this- I live in London, if it is true why isn’t it being talked about in schools? I have kids in two schools plus friends in others, and it’s never been mentioned…

Hertsgirl10 · 20/05/2021 12:21

It’s everywhere on social media missing children all the time.

Are you on Instagram? A couple of them are ...

Fftcuk
Pd_protect
Pd_stamdup
Alexarosebetts
Playmatestaceycarlaa ... she exposed so may Snapchat disgusting profiles. And got lots of grief as she is in the sec industry, by other sex industry workers which seem to think child porn and the sex industry is the same thing! People are so thick.

The people that are patrolling mainly south London are called ..

RespectRebellionff

On Facebook there are many groups for protecting children.

This one is a lot for knife and gun crime but always posts the constant kidnappings.

Stop our kids being killed on our st ( work together and we will succeed)

If you search protect our children on either SM you will see it all yourself.

The media for some reason aren’t reporting this... personally for me this is the real pandemic.

This needs to stop and the fact that people can’t even discuss in a group about predictors without essentially being blamed for not keeping their children safe ‘because we know it’s rife’ out here with them. Then it says a lot about people. About what we accept.

Humans rights for them but our children’s human rights aren’t that important cos we likely have a nonce next door but deal with it, don’t tell anyone and let’s just hope they’re not wanking being the curtains 🤦🏼‍♀️ This is the attitude that needs changing. They’re human rights should stop when they stop treating babies worse than humans.

reallyreallyborednow · 20/05/2021 12:52

So only social media?

Do you have any police links with these kidnapping stats? Or are they not being reported?

If one child is being kidnapped by strangers every day as you say that’s massive and I can’t see why it would only be on social media.

reallyreallyborednow · 20/05/2021 12:57

www.met.police.uk/SysSiteAssets/foi-media/metropolitan-police/disclosure_2019/december_2019/information-rights-unit---child-abduction-and-kidnapping-from-201718-and-201819

215 abductions of children by non-parents in 3 years in the met police area. It’s too many, but not “more than one a day”.

Drunkenmonkey · 20/05/2021 13:01

Kidnappings will occur and we should obviously do absolutely everything to stop that happening, but gossiping and spreading information about convicted peadophiles isn't the answer. They are already known to the police!
If a child was kidnapped we need to be concerned about the people that are NOT known to the police! They need to find ways to crack down on peadophile rings, increase convictions, increase monitoring, increase sentences etc, but that doesn't change the fact that Jo Bloggs from accounts shouldn't be spreading vicious rumours around the local community about something she knows nothing about.

OhWhyNot · 20/05/2021 13:01

There isn’t loads of children being kidnapped that we are unaware of if a child is kidnapped and this isn’t a member of the family (nrp - this is by far the largest number issue around children being kidnapped)

There are many sex offenders in the community. If it’s suspected they have been outed they are more likely to be removed for various reasons

Hertsgirl10 · 20/05/2021 13:12

Look it up for yourself how many kids are missing, and attempted kidnappings.

A boy last week was kidnapped and drugged, put in the back of a van and woke up with 2 other knocked out boys, same age same race.

Have you seen that on the news? No.

Just because it’s not in the media doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
And the police are barely bothering, one mum of an attempted kidnapping, on the way to school was told by the police they’re not investigating, till there was a petition.
His school didn’t even put out a warning.

If you chose to believe this isn’t true or it’s just social media then live in ignorance. But it’s real and it’s happening.

Your stats mean nothing when I see every day people attempting and actually kidnapping these kids.

There’s a lot of dog napping going on too and that’s caused much more outrage.

reallyreallyborednow · 20/05/2021 13:29

Look it up for yourself how many kids are missing, and attempted kidnappings

I did. The stats aren’t matching what you are seeing on social media.

There are currently 26 children missing in London.

Your stats mean nothing when I see every day people attempting and actually kidnapping these kids

You’re seeing this personally, first hand?

Hertsgirl10 · 20/05/2021 13:49

The stats and the amount of parents appealing and missing children don’t add up either so I don’t trust the stats.

I’m seeing a lot of cases yes. People don’t just make up being kidnapped or their children being kidnapped.

Allington · 20/05/2021 14:05

So all children need to be constantly treated as it a predator is around 24/7 but the actual problem can walk freely, do what they like and carry on as long as the kids can’t live properly.

I supervised my children very closely when by a road until they were old enough to understand how to cross the road safely. Is it fair that they have to constantly be alert when crossing the road, when all car drivers should be on the alert for a child crossing the road?

I taught my children not to approach dogs they don't know unless they have permission from the owner. Is it fair that potentially aggressive dogs are allowed in our local park?

Part of being a parent is teaching your child to recognise and avoid the hundreds of dangers that exist. Many from other people, some of whom might be deliberately targeting your child, but many more are careless or simply have a moment of thoughtlessness. ANY of those could cause your child serious harm.

So yes, I teach my children about appropriate boundaries, trusting their instinct, where they can go for help and support, and I encourage them to tell me about situations that make them uncomfortable. And how to cross the road safely.

Hertsgirl10 · 20/05/2021 14:11

None of that have anything to do with what I said.

Like I said the point is we shouldn’t have to protect from monsters that live everywhere in the UK, obviously I have spoken to my children about these things and they’ve all grown up knowing how to keep as safe as possible.

theDudesmummy · 20/05/2021 14:27

@Hertsgirl10

You will never ever be able to rid society of eaither paedophiles or child sex offenders (they are not the same thing, as I have said previously). You will never even be able to detect most of them, never mind convict them, never mind remove them from society. So we DO have to protect our children, that is just a fact.

And yes, do assume a "predator" is around. Because they very possibly are. And there is no way for you to tell in many cases. Even people you know. Even your family. Even professionals.

Allington · 20/05/2021 14:27

Predators are walking round 24/7, and the vast majority are not convicted of any crimes.

That doesn't mean you live in a state of siege, but you take sensible precautions.

The fact that neighbour X is a convicted sex offender DOESN'T mean neighbour Y is safe - maybe neighbour Y is a sex offender who hasn't been caught. And maybe neighbour Y is the loveliest person to walk the Earth, but Uncle Fred is a sex offender who hasn't been caught.

What would you do differently if you knew neighbour X is a convicted sex offender?

theDudesmummy · 20/05/2021 14:31

And it's not just "everywhere in the UK". It's everywhere everywhere.

Allington · 20/05/2021 14:32

And yes, do assume a "predator" is around. Because they very possibly are.

Just as you would assume the driver of that car is a bit distracted and won't necessarily stop in time if your child steps out into the road.

Hertsgirl10 · 20/05/2021 14:42

Society accepts this ... so that there is the problem.

thenewduchessofhastings · 20/05/2021 14:46

I think you need to tread carefully.

A friend of mine had the same name as someone who'd been convicted of sex offences against children.It was reported in the local paper.People wrongly assumed it was said friend.He and his family had to leave their home temporarily for their own safety but it was a while until his name was cleared.

He and his family and their home were threatened and it was horrific.

You never know if you're living next door to a peadophile;a former neighbour a few doors down was convicted for sex offences against children in the time he was living a few doors down from us.The first we knew about it was when it appeared in the local paper.We were absolutely gobsmacked.We all tbh had assumed he was gay but his victims were girls.

I think we should worry more about the unconvicted peadophiles then the convicted ones.

The ones who have been convicted are being monitored and are on the register for a reason.

theDudesmummy · 20/05/2021 14:54

"Society" does not accept it. I really do not agree.

The detection rate for offenders can be improved by measures which can be taken by society and that is (slowly) happening. By which I mean educating people about the crimes, empowering more people to disclose, having zero tolerance for certain behaviours and attitudes etc etc. Also better capacity to monitor things like the dark web and other virtual spaces where offenders can operate. These are difficult things to do, but we are trying to do them, not accepting that there is nothing we can do.

But what you cannot do is detect who is a paedophile, unless they identify themselves as such, or have offended in such a way that it makes it clear that they are. So absent mind-reading technology, there is nothing "society" can do about that.

Allington · 20/05/2021 15:00

I don't think society does accept it, and personally I think everything possible should be done to detect offenders and prevent them from reoffending.

Telling people that their neighbour is a child sex offender doesn't do anything to protect children and prevent reoffending, and potentially puts children at more risk.

LolaSmiles · 20/05/2021 15:28

But what you cannot do is detect who is a paedophile, unless they identify themselves as such, or have offended in such a way that it makes it clear that they are. So absent mind-reading technology, there is nothing "society" can do about that.
I agree with this.
Children are most at risk of neglect or abuse by those in the family, or those who are close to the family.
The first rule of safeguarding is that it could happen anywhere. If someone's behaviour would change based on being told information about someone moving into the street, then blunt as it sounds I would question their current approach to safeguarding.

sillybunnyslippers · 20/05/2021 16:34

first, a paedophile is some one who is attracted to prepubescent children, not anyone who has committed a sex offence.
a man who is attracted to the shape of the body of a post pubescent human female is, tbh, a normal straight man resulting from tens of thousands of years of evolution for men to be attracted to females during their most fertile years. i think to not acknowledge that is unhealthy as a society, and stops men from seeking help, which would then protect children.

obviously it is absolutely not ok in modern culture for men to act on that attraction if that body is owned by an under age teenager as girls that age generally do not have the maturity or experience to realise when they are being manipulated/ taken advantage of/ love bombed, and are still getting used to their new bodies and comfortable with their sexuality and who they are. they are vulnerable. but if i could keep my late teens body for life, heck yes i would. it was much more attractive than my post 30 year old body. and any man who admitted that would simply be being honest. when i was a teenager i found it gross for a much older man to glance at me, mainly because they were old fat and ugly, but can't say i ever wanted them murdered for it. when i was about 13/ 14, an older friend of my older brother persuaded me to play strip poker. he was just old enough that i technically could report him to the police for that. but he's now a family man in his forties and has never inappropriately physically touched anyone. he made one mistake as a teenager. and i wasn't old enough to understand i wasn't old enough to decide if it was wrong, but i did think it was a laugh, took it further than he meant me to, and don't feel affected by it. most of my teenage friends were playing similar games at parties, or going skinny dipping. at least two thirds had lost their virginity by the age of 15. a teenager can be old enough to have sex legally, vote, drive a car, and get married, but if someone over the age of 18 views a self posted picture of their breasts online, that's a sex offence and they're lumped in with men raping little children. obviously some pictures online are from revenge porn, manipulation etc and viewing them fuels that abuse, but there is a wide spectrum of offences.

"sex offences against a child" ranges from kidnapping, raping and murdering a small child, to a drunk 18 year old boy being stupid and sharing a picture of his 17 year old girlfriend's breasts with his friends to try and feel part of a group. sex offences online can range from going on the dark web and paying for a child to be raped, to looking at hand drawn cartoon images of teenagers kissing. all are against the law, but do all of those men deserve to have their house set on fire and family killed 15 years later? or their children bullied, pets killed and posted through their letter box, or car brakes cut? some one who drives drunk at 80 in a 30 zone past a school and kills a child is not the same as some one who drives at 32 in a 30 zone, technically commits an offence, and is recorded as being a dangerous driver.

also, if an online offence, charges can be made before the person is fully investigated. it's called streamlined forensics. DO NOT assume a charged person is guilty until convicted, as some are proved innocent once a full investigation is carried out. yet once charged, their name, photo and address are publicly available, and they may have to wait a couple of years for the process to prove they were innocent. meanwhile they have limited or no access to the children they love, can lose their jobs, and their marriage and health are affected. and some people will always say no smoke without fire.

some people who commit online offences were themselves victims of childhood abuse and view images trying to accept what happened to them. some are mentally ill from ptsd. some have done good things in their lives. a person i knew who was charged with an offence had at one time put their own life at risk to save several people's lives. it doesn't cancel out, but i don't believe that person was evil, more damaged from an experience when they were a vulnerable child.

the most likely person in your life to be arrested for online sex offences is actually your teenager, not your partner/ creepy distant uncle etc. how do you gel that with "i would protect my beloved children against anything and any man doing this in any way will be straight out of my life to protect my precious babies"?

if you out a person, first, they will just be moved somewhere else, and secondly, an innocent person in their family may be the one harmed by vigilantes. their family has probably already gone through hell. they may even want no contact with the person depending on the offence, but would still be further devastated and shocked by some one they may have loved for decades being murdered. please don't do that to their children.

i live just outside a town where a child was taken, raped and killed. i still cry when i think about helping search the fields around the town. i would honestly bring back the death penalty for that monster. and i would kill anyone who so much as touched a hair on the head of the young children in my family. but most sex offenders are not in this category or paedophiles, and many are not a risk for hurting a child. there are also many that are potentially dangerous that have never been caught. the assumption of all parents should be that anyone could be a risk. so unless you see signs this person is grooming a family or child (in which case i would alert police) you are not doing anything to alter the risk level that is already there.

there will be experts monitoring this person, please don't interfere. you won't be protecting any children and may end up responsible for a crime worse than the person you are witch hunting. heck, you could end up responsible for a child being accidentally killed by a vigilante. and lose your job.

Talkintothewall · 20/05/2021 17:43

I strongly disagree with those who think they wouldn't take a different approach to safeguarding if they were aware of convicted paedophiles living beside them. I used to live very firmly in the sensible precautions/can't live in fear camp. I was also very aware of how the greater risk is often from people close to a child. I carefully weighed up the risks versus my children's need for independence etc. I definitely changed my approach when the risk was real and known.

I am not advocating for addresses etc to be published whatever. But I do firmly think that many parents massively underestimate the risk around our children.