To find it weird that DD won't tell me anything about her dad

[gelatodipistacchio]

She is almost 5.

When she goes to her father's house for a night or weekend, she refuses to tell me anything at all about her visit. Examples of questions she won't answer:

Daddy said you had a playdate. Who did you see?

What did you do at Daddy's?

Did you have fun?

AIBU to find this odd and concerning?

She usually strongly objects to seeing him, if this makes a difference.

My stepson does this with his mum, because she kicks off or makes comments about his dad if he says anything. Is there a chance she's trying to keep the peace because she thinks talking about her dad would upset you?

I agree with PP. I would always do everything I could to avoid answering any questions my mum asked about my dad because she'd either say something nasty about him or get upset that I didn't have an awful time.

It could be concerning, but honestly my youngest one is in nursery and he loves it, but refuses to answer any questions about what he does (literally nearly every day of the week). It could just be one of those weird things.

She’s sensing your anxiety about visits. Easier to say nothing than rock the boat.

I don't say anything bad about him but she's well aware that I don't like him. Today she actually said she had fun (when asked - she just said yes), and I said, "oh, I'm glad to hear that."

I tell my kids not to tell my ex anything about me Or my life 🤷‍♀️

I think it’s a bit concerning OP especially as she doesn’t want to go.

Maybe he has forbid her to tell you anything. When my kids come back I get a unasked for run down of the entire time spent away.

My mother would question me so much when I got home from my dads, I hated it, and this was from a young age.

My dd is 4 and we can never get a word out of her when she's been at nursery although she loves it. I think it's just kids.

Why don't you ask him what they did and use that as your opener eg "I heard you and Daddy saw ducks in the park today, tell me all about them..."

You've answered your own question, 'she knows I don't like him'. How does she know that? My six year old GC won't answer her Dad's questions because there's always a comment. Perhaps stop asking and make small talk. Children give things away in conversation. That's what SWs do, they avoid questions.

My answer to this would depend entirely on how forthcoming she is about other areas of her life.

My son has never answered questions like that about anything. He just doesn’t (for some reason) like telling me about his day, what he did, who he played with, what he ate?

Occasionally he will volunteer information himself, but he rarely answers questions.

So, this wouldn’t be unusual for me.

However, if your daughter will usually answer questions like this, then yes there may be cause for concern.

Forgot to add, on the rare occasion he does answer a question it’s usually don’t remember, don’t know, nothing, or no one.

She’s feeling pressure from somewhere. Ask simple questions, react benignly to the answers, show no judgement and maybe one day she’ll feel able to open up.

Today she actually said she had fun (when asked - she just said yes), and I said, "oh, I'm glad to hear that."

But it's all in the tone.

Concerned about this. What's going on? Has she been told not to tell?

She shouldn’t be ‘well aware’ you don’t like her Dad at the age of 5, tbh. That’s for you to deal with away from her.

It could be concerning, but honestly my youngest one is in nursery and he loves it, but refuses to answer any questions about what he does (literally nearly every day of the week). It could just be one of those weird things

Same here. I think some children are just resistant to any type of "interrogation". My eldest who I have a very close relationship with tells me nothing! I have spent every minute of every day withher besides preschool yet she tells me nada when I ask her how her day was and I'm not pushy at all. Yet when her dad comes home he gets the whole unasked for minutae of her day.

She shouldn’t be ‘well aware’ you don’t like her Dad at the age of 5, tbh. I'm afraid I agree with this too. How does she know? Has she picked it up from when you were together and the environment was hostile (understandable) or have actually voiced your dislike of him (completely innapropriate).

I was warned by my Father when I was a child and visited him on a weekend that I was NOT to speak about the visit to my mum.

If you ask her what she did at school today / at granny's house / at her playdate do you get a similar level of response?

@Happycat1212

I tell my kids not to tell my ex anything about me Or my life 🤷‍♀️

Why would you do that to your child?

@gelatodipistacchio if she knows you don’t like him that’s probably your answer.

When I was 5 my mother used to interrogate me on my return from weekends with my dad and his new wife. It was absolutely awful and I dreaded it. Not seeing him, but the bloody Spanish Inquisition and nasty comments when I got back.

I agree with PP - why on earth does your 5 year old know you don't like her father?

Why is she well aware that you don't like him? You shouldn't make a child aware that you don't like their other parent.

When my daughter started school, I used to interrogate her on the way home and got no information at all. I learned not to ask any questions and just wait. She’d start chatting later, in the bath or at bedtime.