To find it weird that DD won't tell me anything about her dad

[gelatodipistacchio]

She is almost 5.

When she goes to her father's house for a night or weekend, she refuses to tell me anything at all about her visit. Examples of questions she won't answer:

Daddy said you had a playdate. Who did you see?

What did you do at Daddy's?

Did you have fun?

AIBU to find this odd and concerning?

She usually strongly objects to seeing him, if this makes a difference.

@spottedbadger that's really insulting. I don't shake her down. I try to show an interest in what she does at her father's house. I don't ask any questions about him personally.

@spottedbadger

The child not wanting to go to her father’s may have more to do with the mother than the father. It’s not as black and white as father = bad. She may be worried about leaving the mother and if she is aware of the hostility, she may be anxious about the mother’s disapproval and dreading the ‘post visitation shake-down’. Posters saying that she should not go to her dad’s if she doesn’t want to should really educate themselves about parental alienation and the pretty catastrophic impact it has on children.

You have read the op right? The kid is scared of him he shouts at her and causes fights with mum infront of her

@ SkodaKodiaq

Yes, we are going through the SEN referral process right now.

Op I think I recognise you from previous threads, and if you are the OP I am thinking of I wouldn’t be surprised if he has told DD to not tell mummy anything.

I think make light small talk (did you have fun?) but leave it at that and over time she will offer more up.

@VintageDressmaker you very well might recognise me! I'm planning an update thread in the other place once I have a few things sorted out in my life - basically everything is really looking up!

I think your approach is the right one. I pushed her more than usual last time and it clearly just upset her. The fact that she literally cries at the prospect of spending the night at his house probably tells me just about all I need to know

I’m glad to have come across you again. Without sounding weird from a stranger online, I have been thinking about you from time to time and hoping things were getting better.

KOKO