Page 3 | I like the gift DH gave to his ex wife better

Anuta77 · 2021-05-17T15:23:25+00:00

For Mother's day, my DH gave me a flower bouquet from a pharmacy with a chocolat (brand that I often buy myself and not the type that I like the best and he knows it). Pharmacy bouquets fade really fast and he knows it, I always mention it. To his ex wife, he got an online voucher for a facial treatment. According to me, it would be more expensive than flowers, but he says that the bouquet was more expensive. But even if we forget the price, I feel that a treatment is much nicer than a bouquet and I feel upset. AIBU?

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 17/05/2021 17:42

@JungleIsMassive

Just let him know that in the future you would appreciate a facial over flowers.

I'd definitely reword that before saying it...

Cocknose · 17/05/2021 17:47

Does she give him a gift on Father’s Day ?

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 17/05/2021 17:51

The underlying message could be that your face does not require beautification.

Ohtheplacesyougo · 17/05/2021 17:52

I actually that the gift to ex-wife as father to his children, is very honourable. It is showing respect and appreciation.

If he bought his ex-wife flowers that would be odd. He is trying to keep a distinction.

I wouldn’t say anything!

I think he seems like a good person! Let’s be positive!!

BraveGoldie · 17/05/2021 17:53

Goodness I am sure prised but responses.

I think it's a lovely sign that he buys his ex something on Mother's Day - it honours the fact that regardless of what happened with them romantically, she is the mother of some of his children. That's an important role worthy of recognition and I think it reflects well on him.

Your gift sounds nice to me too.... personally bought flowers, chocolate that you like enough to buy yourself, and a personally-recorded song??

I'm not seeing anything to complain about...,

GrumpyHoonMain · 17/05/2021 17:54

You are both the mother of his children so gifts should be equal in value. It’s your kids you need to get special gifts from.

Original poster

Anuta77 · 17/05/2021 17:56

@Hollyoakswatcher

Men can’t seem to do wrong for right on this site. You have women who complain when men do nothing for their children, try to get out of paying support, minimise contact, not buying essentials for their own children and here we have a man who still buys a present for the mother of his children despite the fact that they are grown because he appreciates what she has done for his children and people moan that he shouldn’t be doing that.

It’s a shame you didn’t like your present, instead of complaining about it and sounding like an ungrateful cow maybe next year gently let him know what you would like.

First of all, you're an idiot (since you believe in insults), if you think that giving a mother's day gift to an ex with grown up children has something to do with abandonning children and not paying child support.

And since you don't know how to be gentle, don't preach what you don't do!

OP posts:

Hollyoakswatcher · 17/05/2021 18:04

@Anuta77 maybe instead of thinking what name you could call me back maybe you should read my post again. Never did I say that those two things were true, I was actually complimenting your husband that he brought the mother of his children a present to appreciate her and what she has done for his children compared to some men on this site that shirk all responsibilities.

toocold54 · 17/05/2021 18:05

I actually that the gift to ex-wife as father to his children, is very honourable. It is showing respect and appreciation.

If he bought his ex-wife flowers that would be odd. He is trying to keep a distinction.

I wouldn’t say anything!

I think he seems like a good person! Let’s be positive!!

I agree!

Both gifts are nice and I can see why he’d have thought the flowers were more personal and that you’d appreciate them more.

Original poster

Anuta77 · 17/05/2021 18:05

@HeckyPeck

YANBU.

Is he normally crap with gifts?

Can you afford to book yourself a treat like a massage or whatever you fancy? If so, I think you should do it. It sounds like you're having a difficult time so do what you need to do to look after yourself.

I'd also say you would rather not have flowers as gifts going forwards as they just die and let him know what you'd prefer to have instead.

(I'd also ask to see the receipt for the facial if I thought he was lying because I hate being lied to, but that might not be for everyone)

Hi HeckyPeck, Yes, I can afford a treatment for me, but I guess my love language is gift giving, so for me, it's a sensitive subject. I'm sure he thought it was a nice gift (he also recorded a song for me, which is romantic), he's not the best gift giver, but he tries.

When I questionned him, he told me that what he got his ex was 20$, but I know that these things don't cost so little. As for my bouquet, he offered to go grocery shopping (and I knew he was going to get me something), but at the supermarket, the bouquets were not big or nice enough (or expensive enough), so he went to the pharmacy (the only other open store) and there, he said the bouquet was 40$. Obviously, I don't want to count money and if he didn't give anything to the ex (or got her something actually cheap), I would be grateful.

It's more the fact that when you get a gift, but then he gives something very comparable in price and value to an ex, to me it reduces the value of the gesture (and in reality, if you remember me, he has 2 exes, I just didn't want to shock people here)...

OP posts:

Original poster

Anuta77 · 17/05/2021 18:08

@GrumpyHoonMain

You are both the mother of his children so gifts should be equal in value. It’s your kids you need to get special gifts from.

You really think that your partner should give you the same thing as he gives to an ex? When you are there for him every day, take care of him and the ex gets the same thing?

OP posts:

Countrygirl2021 · 17/05/2021 18:08

I think it's really lovely that he buys the mother of his children a gift even though they are no longer married. You have a good guy there.

Original poster

Anuta77 · 17/05/2021 18:10

@Countrygirl2021

I think it's really lovely that he buys the mother of his children a gift even though they are no longer married. You have a good guy there.

She certainly loved the gift (and she also got something from her new girlfriend who's very generous), so yes, I agree with you, he is a very good guy for HER.

OP posts:

FunTimes2020 · 17/05/2021 18:13

Very odd for a man to buy his wife a mother's day present when DC are grown ups. Getting a present for an ex (of many years from what you said) is BEYOND odd. What a strange set up. What the hell must ex's current partner think?! Tell him to knock it on the head next year as neither of the recipients are his mother!

speakout · 17/05/2021 18:13

I think it's really lovely that he buys the mother of his children a gift even though they are no longer married. You have a good guy there.

I disagree.

He is being insesitive to the feelings of his current wife.

NormanStangerson · 17/05/2021 18:17

Ignore the cool wives and those saying flowers are better. The crux of this is that it’s fucking weird that he buys his ex-wife anything for Mother’s Day, as the gift is from him and not the adult children.

KrisAkabusi · 17/05/2021 18:19

That's sweet and he did record a karaoke song "Just the way you are", BUT, the gift to the ex is still very nice as far as I'm concerned and to me, that diminishes the value of what he gives me. He could have given her a bottle of wine or something.

And later:
It's more the fact that when you get a gift, but then he gives something very comparable in price and value to an ex, to me it reduces the value of the gesture

This is a really negative way of thinking. Something you get is only valuable as compared to what someone else got? By this logic he could have stayed home all day making you a 5 star meal, but it would still be crap compared to the £20 voucher he gave someone else. It's not good to constantly compare your things with others, and if I was him I would be equally as hurt by you saying his gifts to you lose value if he does something nice for other people. It's not a competition, and it's not always about monetary value.

KizzyMoo · 17/05/2021 18:21

I'd be fuming if my partner brought his ex nice gifts when the kids are full grown adults. Is he going to buy her gifts when the 'kids' are 40?! Odd.

flashylamp · 17/05/2021 18:21

@Countrygirl2021

I think it's really lovely that he buys the mother of his children a gift even though they are no longer married. You have a good guy there.

Buying for the mother of his children when they are no longer married is fine for as long as they are still children. They are grown adults now. That's not a good guy. He is totally disrespectful of his wife's feelings.

GappyValley · 17/05/2021 18:21

I’d say there is something a little bit salty about buying an ex a present that says ‘your face needs sorting out’..!

mam0918 · 17/05/2021 18:22

The fact the gift is from him not the kids is the wierd part.

Once kids are in the early to mid-teens they should be taught that buying gifts for people is now their responsability not the parents and the parents stop so if the kids are adult your DH should have stopped buying her mothers day gifts years ago, shes not HIS mother.

slashlover · 17/05/2021 18:25

When I questionned him, he told me that what he got his ex was 20$, but I know that these things don't cost so little. As for my bouquet, he offered to go grocery shopping (and I knew he was going to get me something), but at the supermarket, the bouquets were not big or nice enough (or expensive enough), so he went to the pharmacy (the only other open store) and there, he said the bouquet was 40$. Obviously, I don't want to count money and if he didn't give anything to the ex (or got her something actually cheap), I would be grateful.

I don't want to count money but I questioned him over how much every single thing cost and would have been much happier if he'd spent less money on her.

He ordered an online voucher for her, he went out and got you flowers and chocs and recorded a song for you.

Original poster

Anuta77 · 17/05/2021 18:29

@slashlover

When I questionned him, he told me that what he got his ex was 20$, but I know that these things don't cost so little. As for my bouquet, he offered to go grocery shopping (and I knew he was going to get me something), but at the supermarket, the bouquets were not big or nice enough (or expensive enough), so he went to the pharmacy (the only other open store) and there, he said the bouquet was 40$. Obviously, I don't want to count money and if he didn't give anything to the ex (or got her something actually cheap), I would be grateful.

I don't want to count money but I questioned him over how much every single thing cost and would have been much happier if he'd spent less money on her.

He ordered an online voucher for her, he went out and got you flowers and chocs and recorded a song for you.

I didn't question him about the money, but he felt defensive and mentionned it. I just told him that I liked the gift he gave her and that pharmacy flowers don't last.

OP posts:

GabsAlot · 17/05/2021 18:31

nah theyre grown they can get their own presents-its mothers day not youre my childrens mothers day

emilyfrost · 17/05/2021 18:32

YABU and ungrateful.