I like the gift DH gave to his ex wife better

[Anuta77]

For Mother's day, my DH gave me a flower bouquet from a pharmacy with a chocolat (brand that I often buy myself and not the type that I like the best and he knows it). Pharmacy bouquets fade really fast and he knows it, I always mention it.

To his ex wife, he got an online voucher for a facial treatment. According to me, it would be more expensive than flowers, but he says that the bouquet was more expensive. But even if we forget the price, I feel that a treatment is much nicer than a bouquet and I feel upset. AIBU?

How come the pharmacy sells flowers???

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

How come the pharmacy sells flowers???

In Canada they do, to make money...

@Bluntness100

Well I’d sat flowers and chocolate are more romantic than an online facial treatment voucher. I get you don’t though.

Are you jealous op? Jealous he still gets her a Mother’s Day gift?

I know that flowers rhyme with being romantic and I guess that's what he thought, but a facial to me is a nice experience where the woman gets to relax (which he knows I need since the lockdown here is bad and he knows that I'm feeling depressed about it), not to mention that a facial is normally more expensive (although he says that flowers were more expensive). And it's the fact that he chose to give this to her as opposed to some inexpensive wine bottle. Yes, I'm jealous too!

So pharmacy flowers (from somewhere like Walgreens or CVS) are presumably our equivalent of "petrol station flowers" in which case I don't think there is any way that a bouquet and some chocolate (although how was he supposed to know it's not your favourite if you say you often buy it yourself?) cost as much as a voucher for a facial.

I don't think the value of the gifts matters so much though, more the fact that no thought has been put into your gift, it sounds like something he picked up in a panic at the last minute. I think it's a bit odd that he still buys his ex wife a Mothers' Day gift though if their children are adults. Are they recently divorced? Having said that it doesn't seem like much more thought necessarily went into her gift - I suspect if she lived close enough to you she would have been getting the cheap flowers as well!

I would be annoyed he was still buying her gifts when his children are grown up. That's just a bit weird xx

Very weird that he buys his ex stuff for mothers day.

@Anuta77

The gift was from him, not from the children who are grown. It's just a tradition that they have. Usually, he gives something smaller. He didn't tell me the price, I found out about the gift from his teenage daughter (they have been seprated for years and she has a new partner).

Alarm bells ringing. He buys his ex personal thoughtful gifts? If it was a “Happy Mother’s Day” teddy from his young DC then fair enough, but this is a skincare salon treatment voucher as a gift from himself. His DC are adults so he has no excuse!

I think he seems decent if he's getting the ex mothers day gifts. Sure the kids are grown but she still had children with him.
However, I don't think you're being unreasonable to be annoyed. Her gift does sound nicer unless he thought an online gift voucher equals less effort.

I bet his ex's partner wasn't too happy about it either!

Fwiw, I would much prefer flowers.

I wouldn’t be happy at all. To me flowers are a bog standard gift when someone can’t think of something exciting or when they don’t know a person. It wouldn’t bother me the ex getting a gift but if he’s going personal with a facial that he knows she’d like then I’d expect the same. No excuses for me .

YANBU.

Is he normally crap with gifts?

Can you afford to book yourself a treat like a massage or whatever you fancy? If so, I think you should do it. It sounds like you're having a difficult time so do what you need to do to look after yourself.

I'd also say you would rather not have flowers as gifts going forwards as they just die and let him know what you'd prefer to have instead.

(I'd also ask to see the receipt for the facial if I thought he was lying because I hate being lied to, but that might not be for everyone)

I am surprised he ever buys you flowers or chocolates given your complaining.

If you're particular regarding gifts why not be very clear a few weeks before about what you'd like. Some people struggle with knowing what to get, eve if they know you. Not everyone has the great present buying gene.

@Bluntness100

Well I’d sat flowers and chocolate are more romantic than an online facial treatment voucher. I get you don’t though.

Are you jealous op? Jealous he still gets her a Mother’s Day gift?

I'd be a bit jealous, I think the vast majority probably would be a bit miffed that he was buying his ex presents

My childrens dad got me a big hamper of goodies for mothers day this year, huge improvement on the bloody iron he got me for the last mothers day we were together. I'd prefer flowers to a voucher to be honest, a bit more personal.

@mainsfed

I think the fact that knew what you would have liked (florist bouquet and special chocs) but didn't bother is the issue here. He could have ordered online for you too.

Bang on. My main objection would be being given thoughtless (cheap?) gifts that he knew were not special/what I liked.

The fact that he then bought a "better" (more thoughtful/more expensive/something YOU'D have liked more) present for his ex would cloud my mood yet more though!

If his defence is that he's claiming he didn't know that you'd have preferred a facial that doesn't actually paint him in a very good light, does it? That would be like me buying my ex a nice aftershave and giving my husband some bog standard beers and a tie from the supermarket. I'd look like a bit of an idiot

He physically bought the flowers. He ordered online for his ex.
I think that's the difference

I agree.

I also think that you would be upset if he didn’t buy the flowers for her and gave you the voucher as I think this is a bigger issue than what the gift is.

Plus maybe he thinks you are perfect as you are and don't need any treatments.

But then why not buy OP the chocs and slower he knows she really likes?

Are you usually ok with the gifts he gets her? Is it the actual gift you have an issue with or the fact he got her something?

@Anuta77

The gift was from him, not from the children who are grown. It's just a tradition that they have. Usually, he gives something smaller. He didn't tell me the price, I found out about the gift from his teenage daughter (they have been seprated for years and she has a new partner).

That's the thing I'd find a bit upsetting tbh, not the flowers.

I would be really annoyed if DH bought his ex a Mother's Day gift - she is his ex, not his mother

@wigjuice

Plus maybe he thinks you are perfect as you are and don't need any treatments.

That's sweet and he did record a karaoke song "Just the way you are", BUT, the gift to the ex is still very nice as far as I'm concerned and to me, that diminishes the value of what he gives me. He could have given her a bottle of wine or something.

Buying gifts for his ex when their DC are grown up? Why?

I'd be pissed off too.