Being ‘told off’ for minor rule infringements on Facebook groups

[justanotherneighinparadise]

AIBU to just roll my eyes and leave the group? Anyone else just cannot be bothered with the wrists slapping that goes on? I know its childish of me. I know if I sign up and agree ‘the rules’ I should respect the people who moderate the group. But man I feel like some of these people just love the power.

It’s like the only power I have is to think ODFOD and flounce 🤣

Caveat is that I don’t have any real Facebook group that I’m wed to. So to flounce makes no difference to my quality of life.

YABU - get over yourself and just follow the bloody rules
YANBU - these people just LOVE the power trip

@emilyfrost

YABU. Just follow the rules, it’s really not that hard

Some FB have a ridiculous number of "rulez" though. That they change frequently. So I think it's actually quite hard to keep up, especially if you are new to the group. I am part of one that keeps changing what type of posts are allowed on which day, and keeps flip-flopping between posting all sale items on one post and posting them individually.

I run a huge Facebook group facilitating buying and selling of a specific product, £100,000s in sales every year go through the group. Our admin team is shit hot because it's an expensive mistake to make, but we preapprove all posts

YANBU I resisted being on Facebook for many years but joined recently to be able to access groups for the DC activities. At the same time I joined a few groups related to things I'm interested in. In some of them there seem to be millions of seemingly random rules- and an expectation that all posts include an ode to how wonderful the admin team are and specific reference to terms made up by the group. Posting on the group feels like trying to get in with the cool/popular kids at school and I couldn't be arsed with that either

I wasn't told off but left of my own volition. I was on a Londoners group on FB, and at the start of Lockdown v1.0 there was various debates about covid19, lockdown etc. One guy stated firmly it was caused by 5G. I asked him politely for evidence of this. He said ''People are burning the masts down. I suggested this was evidence of stupid people, not evidence of 5G causing covid19. I left the group cos, you know, you can't argue with stupid. If that's an example of their group they can shove it.

What kind of groups are people in where there are hundreds of rules? Most of the ones I’m in have a max of 10 and most of them can be summarised with “don’t be a dick” and maybe 1 or 2 group specific ones which you would check before posting surely?
If you did a flouncy post and left all they would do is laugh at you tbh. You might feel better you’ll look a bit sad to the other group members. Just note the infringement, inwardly roll your eyes and move on. If the rules weren’t there the pages would be a free for all, shite pile in my experience so it behooves most to just follow or start your own page.
There are some fb admins that love the power though, you’re not wrong there.

Just follow the rules. If you don't like the rules, don't be part of the group.

Any site that has interaction with other humans has rules we have to follow. If I don't like the fact I'm not allowed to racially abuse people on Mumsnet I have to either have to agree to moderate what I write so that it is acceptable or just leave.

My guess is that Covid has just made me so incredibly sick of all the stupid fucking rules that I’ve run out of tolerance. From following arrows in supermarkets that all lead to the far left corner of the store and stop. To being shouted at in shops for getting to close to another person (I wasn’t). To companies hiding behind covid to offer zero customer service. I’m just on my last nerve I think

Oh Amen to that OP. Amen!! Feeling exactly the same. Every word.

I joined a Facebook group for jam/ marmalade/ other preserving recipes. At the time of joining I didn't realise how American heavy it was.

The only recipes allowed to be discussed on the page were ones with the Kilner jar 'canning' type storage. The type where you have to boil the filled jars.

I found this out because I recommended Delia's lime and lemon marmalade as an excellent beginners recipe and was told off for 'practically recommending a way to give yourself botulism' (paraphrased, but still). I flounced.

I think it was the power trip that the sole admin got to have when she was telling people off. A small Kilner jar Hitler.

I'm a FB admin but we have, I think, three rules. And, IIRC, several of those were decided by poll by group members.

That said, I tend to stay away from a lot of FB groups. I got suspended from a local one when someone posted a link to a local news story and I responded with a concern (along the lines of "Oh, they're pulling down that building - but what about the shops that are in there currently?"). Just a general comment as I'd - incorrectly, as it turned out - assumed that posting a link was to invite comment. The woman took it as a personal attack and I got suspended when I said I wasn't going to engage further with her. Bizarre.

Generally I'd say just follow the rules if you want to be part of the group. But I completely take your point about having had a gutful of bloody rules!

@sapnupuas

I was threatened with a ban for saying Americans are weird for having a peanut butter dip with a hotdog pickle thing.

Clearly needed ranch and I stand by that.

Well... I can see both sides of that one. Depends on the pickle. Peanut butter and sweet pickles on a sandwich were a thing where I grew up, so I can understand that pairing.

But if it's a dill pickle then ranch all the way.

People get all het up about pickles.

@SmallPrawnEnergy

What kind of groups are people in where there are hundreds of rules? Most of the ones I’m in have a max of 10 and most of them can be summarised with “don’t be a dick” and maybe 1 or 2 group specific ones which you would check before posting surely? If you did a flouncy post and left all they would do is laugh at you tbh. You might feel better you’ll look a bit sad to the other group members. Just note the infringement, inwardly roll your eyes and move on. If the rules weren’t there the pages would be a free for all, shite pile in my experience so it behooves most to just follow or start your own page. There are some fb admins that love the power though, you’re not wrong there.

No flouncy post. Just the exit button 😜

I was in a baby-led weaning group when my DD was weaning age, just out of curiosity more than anything. Purées were not allowed to be mentioned. At all. Even if the comment was something like “we’ve decided to do baby led weaning so won’t be feeding our daughter purées, but my mum gave me some store bought jars, can anyone recommend anything to do with them”
Response - “read the rules, we don’t talk about purée on this group” as if purée was the devil’s work.

@skirk64

Just follow the rules. If you don't like the rules, don't be part of the group.

Any site that has interaction with other humans has rules we have to follow. If I don't like the fact I'm not allowed to racially abuse people on Mumsnet I have to either have to agree to moderate what I write so that it is acceptable or just leave.

To be fair that’s not a ‘minor infringement’. That’s literally illegal.

*‘Admin here.
Can people just take a moment to appreciate that the admin team all have full time jobs, and manage this page (it’s a group but nm) for free in our own time. We do this for your benefit. *

I manage a local parents group. We have 3000 members. There are four admins. We have to check every day for posts as we now have to approve every single one by hand as there are too many people spamming the group.

I've had really nasty messages from a number of people just because we didn't approve their post or deleted a comment they made. I've had people expecting me to drop everything because someone has said something nasty to them and they want that person removed.

I think you underestimate how entitled some people can be.

@ClaudiaWankleman

I joined a Facebook group for jam/ marmalade/ other preserving recipes. At the time of joining I didn't realise how American heavy it was.

The only recipes allowed to be discussed on the page were ones with the Kilner jar 'canning' type storage. The type where you have to boil the filled jars.

I found this out because I recommended Delia's lime and lemon marmalade as an excellent beginners recipe and was told off for 'practically recommending a way to give yourself botulism' (paraphrased, but still). I flounced.

I think it was the power trip that the sole admin got to have when she was telling people off. A small Kilner jar Hitler.

🤣 flounced over a Kilner jar. I think you beat me there.

I was kicked off a decor Facebook group because I told someone they were an idiot for painting their bathroom sink and taps black.

They really were an idiot.

Not a FB group but a forum I used to be on had a time that you were absolutely not allowed to start a new thread if the question you were asking had been answered before - no matter when. As the forum was over a decade old this was a total nightmare, you were expected to read through threads that were 40+ pages long for your answer.

I could understand the logic behind it, there were several questions that got asked a lot and it saved having an entire board full of the same question, but I never understood why they couldn't have an FAQ thread for those.

I drifted away from it eventually as I realised that unless you had been there from the beginning you weren't really welcome, and the thread policing was a way they made that clear - "how could you not have seen the thread started back in 2003 clearly answered your question"

I got kicked out of a cleaning club page for calling out a stealth boast..... I'm not sorry and have to say, life is far more peaceful without this group of neurotic nut jobs frantic about cleaning at 5am popping up on my feed constantly. I think it was making me more anxious.

@Biker47 Boden FB group is like that.

I got in a strop in a different kids' clothes one. The rule was first to say "yes please" on a sales post got to buy. I was about 3rd down so just said "inline please" but they still passed over me to the 4th that hadn't said the magic "yes please" either. Don't mind as long as they're consistent with their poxy rules.

A flouncey leaving post will usually just get a derisive response if it's posted at all...

I rarely do it, though one memorable occasion I did do one which resulted in half the group agreeing with me and leaving, leaving the group owner with a membership only made up of people who practice and promote a thing he doesn't like at all but hasn't got the balls to say or stand up to them. Group died a boring fizzled out death shortly after.

I was in a menstrual cup group, which had a strict ban on any gendered language, because they were an inclusive group!

I was once kicked out of a local Facebook group, in first lockdown, for saying that ice cream vans are just mobile food takeaways and therefore should be allowed to open on the same takeaway basis as the local chippy.

Apparently this logic was unacceptable and I was booted from the group by some joyless git

I've never been on a FB group as bonkers as crochet-along groups. A crochet-along is where a pattern is released on a weekly basis (sometimes monthly) so everyone is making it at the same time and the FB group is a place to post photos of your progress or ask for advice. The moderators are usually employees of the yarn company sponsoring the crochet-along. How relaxing you might think, I certainly thought it would be. But, holy fuck, no. On a couple of them the moderators seemed normal but were driven to madness by trying to control the aggression and fuck-wittery of some of the group members, but on one of them the main moderator started out bat-shit and controlling and went rapidly downhill from there.

Aw dont.
One of our local fb groups the admin frequently posts along the lines of "do not post too many adverts for local businesses cos people dont like it" whilst posting at least 4 times a week about feckin Avon

Yes I was booted off a dog facebook page for offering advice. Only the admins were allowed to offer advice and normal members were allowed to make comments but not in an advicey way (murky rule) but they hadn't replied to this post and I KNEW the answer. Booted off immediately without a warning. I did chuckle. It was worth the thrill!