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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to talk to my 10 year old daughter about hair removal?

79 replies

MaryST7 · 16/05/2021 17:27

I only noticed yesterday that my 10 year old has now got underarm hair - it's darkish, so quite noticeable. I am planning to chat to her and ask what she thinks. If she isn't bothered by it I will happily leave it at that for now, fingers crossed. But if she's not, then I don't want to get this wrong....so would really like to hear from anyone who has gone through this stage recently. If she's unsure, I should probably try and persuade her it's best to leave it be, at least for now. But if she does want to get rid, what do people recommend based on experience? TIA.

OP posts:
TessTackle · 16/05/2021 17:29

I noticed hair in my then 9yo underarms last year but didn’t mention anything.
Wait until DD comes to you.
Mine brought it up in feb time (she’s 11 in Nov) and we went down the Nair/Veet route.

If your DD hasn’t noticed or isn’t bothered by it then fantastic; try to keep it that way.
Hth Flowers

gonerogue · 16/05/2021 17:32

My DD is 10, 11 in August. She came to me about 2 months ago about the hair on her legs which is quite dark and thick.

I showed her how to use Veet. I had noticed it before she had said it but I waited until she brought it up to talk about it.

If your DD wants to get rid of it she'll bring it up.

languising · 16/05/2021 17:33

If your DD wants to get rid of it she'll bring it up.

Not true for everyone. I would never have felt like I could.

NavigatingAdolescence · 16/05/2021 17:33

I agree. DD became quite hairy at about 8. Decided she wanted to shave it off(underarm and leg), so I taught her and gave her her own razor. She did it once and decided doing her legs is too much effort (and screw anyone who gives an opinion). She does her underarms around once a week. She’s now 10.5. My beautician is on hand should DD want to start waxing at 11, but right now DD is happy with what she is doing herself.

Original poster
MaryST7 · 16/05/2021 17:33

Thank you. Yes, maybe I shouldn't even raise the subject. My husband thinks I should as she is quite self conscious and may not want to bring it up herself. Then again, I don't think it's bothering her. Good call, thanks!

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 16/05/2021 17:35

I waited until my dds brought the subject up with me. I was happy to go along with what they wanted to do then.
Play it by ear OP.

fairynick · 16/05/2021 17:35

I got underarm hair at aged 8 and didn’t mention it to my mum out of embarrassment.
My mum finally came to me a year later - she had bought an electric shaver and told me “I bought a new shaver from boots and it was on 3 for 2 so I got you one as well, if you want to use it on your armpits then this is how..”.
I think because of my age she didn’t want to come to me at first and was worried I was too young to shave - but I really wish she had.
It’s absolutely fine to want to keep armpit hair, but the majority of girls/women in the western world don’t and you should definitely open up the conversation with her, even to let her know it’s completely normal.

Karwomannghia · 16/05/2021 17:36

I can remember dd was 10 as well when I first noticed hair I think I just waited for her to say something. I think girls know that you can shave it off so she’ll probably ask you if she wants to.

Scramblerr · 16/05/2021 17:41

I 100% would never have brought it up with my mum - so please don't listen to the people saying to wait for her. It's not fair that the burden is on her to ask you for basic things like hygiene products. I also wouldn't encourage her to leave it - I think encouraging her either way is a bad idea but if you encourage her to leave it then you're likely to shame her into feeling like she's not allowed to shave. Plenty of children get bullied for being hairy (especially boys with facial hair in my experience, but girls too) and if she feels like she can't shave it then it'll cause her to be more self-conscious than she already is.

Karwomannghia · 16/05/2021 17:43

It’s tricky because you don’t want them to feel self conscious by pointing it out either.

languising · 16/05/2021 17:44

@Karwomannghia

It’s tricky because you don’t want them to feel self conscious by pointing it out either.
Well they'll feel self-conscious about it at some point anyway so better when they're in their own room with their own mother who's then teaching them how to deal with it
Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 16/05/2021 17:47

My dd is quite hairy!

And old we than yours, thankfully, her and her pals at primary all seemed uninterested in looks in that way.
Now she's at secondary and I causally mentioned I was going to get my under arm waxed and when, if she wants to remove hair anywhere can she let me know because I took a chunk out of my leg shaving because no one showed me.
Imagine if all out dds didn't bother about their hair!!

HeckyPeck · 16/05/2021 17:49

It was a long time ago now so I don't remember verbatim, but my Mum said something along the lines of:

"You're getting to an age when you'll start to get undearm hair: some women shave and some don't and it's completely fine either way."

I already had hair and thought she hadn't noticed, but looking back I think that was her way of bringing it up without making me feel subconscious.

TheSmallAssassin · 16/05/2021 17:50

Imagine if all our dds didn't bother about their hair!!

Wouldn't it be great! End this tyranny Grin

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 16/05/2021 17:50

Heck on sad that too, some woman do and someone don't some shave and I prefer wax

languising · 16/05/2021 17:51

I intend to do similar with my son and facial hair. Always leave a basket of razors, condoms, moisturisers, deodorants etc in his room at an appropriate age and bring issues up casually to make sure he knows nothing is off limits to talk about.

I was never spoken to about personal hygiene and had to work it all out for myself..

Aquamarine1029 · 16/05/2021 17:53

All this tiptoeing around your own children is just absurd. It's our job as parents to talk about issues and changes as they come up, especially concerning their development, and we can do so in a positive manner. Good grief.

Talk to your daughter about it, op, and see how she feels. She may need time to decide how she wants to deal with her body hair, but at least she will know you're there to help.

languising · 16/05/2021 17:53

@Aquamarine1029

All this tiptoeing around your own children is just absurd. It's our job as parents to talk about issues and changes as they come up, especially concerning their development, and we can do so in a positive manner. Good grief.

Talk to your daughter about it, op, and see how she feels. She may need time to decide how she wants to deal with her body hair, but at least she will know you're there to help.

Exactly
Y0YO · 16/05/2021 17:54

My parents didn't broach it with me. I went through puberty early-ish compared to friends.

I got unkind comments about my hairy legs so I stole my father's BIC razors and tore the top layer of skin off my shins as I didn't know I was supposed to use shaving foam.

I also had a dark moustache and got teased about that until one kind older girl told me about a bleach product she used.

My mother would point out problems but not offer solutions.

It's important for her to know she has a choice to remove or leave.

I don't bother shaving these days and I do think the messages girls get about it are problematic but in reality I would have loved some advice from my mother on choices and products.

languising · 16/05/2021 17:56

My mother would point out problems but not offer solutions.

That's horrible

whoopsnomore · 16/05/2021 17:57

@TheSmallAssassin

Imagine if all our dds didn't bother about their hair!!

Wouldn't it be great! End this tyranny Grin

Amen to that. My DD is 12 and wonderfully unselfconscious about her body / body hair though she agonises about hair, the odd tiny spot and her clothes (some days!)
motogogo · 16/05/2021 17:57

I bought my two electric razors for Christmas when they were 10 & 12. Only the older had any hair but I wanted it to seem a normal gift (sn) she was very reluctant and only around 18 started using it despite unfortunately being fairly hairy. Unless there's sn there is no need to really bring it up but buying a simple battery operated razor for the next birthday/Christmas might be a good option.

Y0YO · 16/05/2021 17:58

@languising

My mother would point out problems but not offer solutions.

That's horrible

She didn't mean to be unkind, she was just clueless! I love my mother but she really wasn't clued up on helping me with periods and puberty etc. To be fair her mother was pretty awful so she probably didn't know where to start. I almost wish I'd had daughters to break the cycle Grin
Holothane · 16/05/2021 17:58

I couldn’t talk to the woman who brought me up about anything, sex was never discussed in our house, so this sort of thing I brought my own cream when I was about 15

TheCrowFromBelow · 16/05/2021 17:58

It's not fair that the burden is on her to ask you for basic things like hygiene products.
This! Just talk to her. You don’t have to say “ok you have got really hairy” just chat to her about the changes her body will go through, including body hair, and let her know it is up to her what she does with it but if she would like to remove it you can help show her the different products available.

languising same here and it was awful.