What age to stop a bedtime? 12? 13? 16?

[Coldwine75]

Just curious, my 17 yr old would sit up all night watching Youtube / Streamers etc , I told her to get her lights out by 11.30- midnight on her college days weekends no time. I think I 'advised' a bedtime until 18 , what are others doing? I worry as dd gets very tired and hard to get going in the mornings.

DS1 is 17, I make suggestions to be in bed by 11.30ish on the days he has to be up early for college, but really it's up to him. He's the one who suffers if he's tired! Generally he's quite good though.

I think he was about 14/15 when I stopped enforcing a bedtime, I feel it's important he learns to self regulate

Advising a bedtime is different to setting one though? If you advised a bedtime of 1130/12 and they decided not to then what happened? I can't imagine giving a child 16 up a bedtime TBH.

For us bedtimes have been up till about 12/13, from then we would maybe give a reminder if it's getting late or if they have to be up particularly early but other than that they go when they are ready. Most of the time they chill in their rooms from 930ish. We have never had 1 issue with either of my DSs. Personally learning to self regulate and make those sorts of decisions themselves is really important.

I forgot to say though, on MN this is a really weird topic, many posters on previous threads like this say 930 lights out and phones removed at 17/18, it's honestly bizarre and certainly not my experience on RL.

My 13 year old still has a bed time. She'd sit up til 2am watching shit on YouTube if she was left to her own devices.

@PugInTheHouse

I forgot to say though, on MN this is a really weird topic, many posters on previous threads like this say 930 lights out and phones removed at 17/18, it's honestly bizarre and certainly not my experience on RL.

No I dont think you can say 9.30 or remove devices for 17 -18 year olds

I agree @Coldwine75 but it really doesn't seem uncommon on here. Not sure how people think their DCs will suddenly cope at uni/work when they've had no freedom at all.

I was at boarding school and had a lights out time of 9.45 from age 11 to 16.

At home it's much more gradual. Our 14 year old is expected to be upstairs at 9ish but her lights off time is very loosely applied. I would anticipate continuing to send her up by 9.30ish or so for a while longer, not necessarily for lights off but to cling onto a bit of child free time.

We are quite strict with phones still, they all stay downstairs at night.

If one of my DCs sat on youtube till 2am they would be punished (probably by their devices being removed if they repeatedly did it), I personally don't think that is a reason to not allow them to make some decisions about their bed time though.

They know that if they do not act sensibly with their freedom it gets reigned in. I don't mean a one off mistake (dependant on what it is) as they have to learn but if they consistenly showed they couldn't be trusted then freedom such as bed time decisions would be removed.

Ds is 17 and either has college or work 6 days a week. We haven’t imposed a bed time or taken his phone since he left school. He normally stays up really late gaming.
He was pretty knackered after the first week of work doing 8-5 4 days in a row on not much sleep and soon learned to go to bed earlier!

Dd is 14 and has to bring her phone and tablet down by 8 on a school night and she can do other stuff until 9.30. Then lights out. Any later and she is a nightmare the next day. Weekends usually 10-10.30ish.

I had a bedtime up until around 14 years old (10.30pm) but after that I was left to my own devices. As long as I wasn't noisy and got up for school on time, my parents didn't mind what I did.

I usually don't enforce for my kids. My 10 year old takes herself to bed naturally at between 9:30pm and 10pm. She's always up at 7am without question. My 13 year old goes to bed later than us, often around midnight, but she gets up for school the next morning without a problem so I'm happy. My 2 year old goes when she flops, usually between 10pm and 11pm, and my 17 year old may stay up all night for all I know, but she doesn't go to college or anything so doesn't need to be up. She usually surfaces around 8am though. I only enforce an 8:30pm bedtime on my 3 year old.

My ds 14 has a bedtime of 10.30 school nights no bed time on Friday and Saturday or holidays. I will probably leave him to it once 16.

10 & 12 here and still have bedtimes. Don't know what the future will bring as the change has been organic. 10yr old we go up at 8pm, she reads to me, I read to her, then we listen to classical music and cuddle. I leave at 9pm. To 12yr olds room. We lie and cuddle and chat till about 10pm.

My ds is 15 and entirely self regulates, I’ve also not enforced any phone policies for a couple of years and he doesnt take the piss. He heads to head about 10pm in the week and 11.30pm at weekends.

I find bizarre that people have to enforced bedtimes on kids 15+ who are entirely old enough to decide for themselves and live with the consequences if they make stupid choices.

I definitely think you can insist on no phones upstairs though. Upstairs is for chilling, reading and sleeping...

...and homework 😃

I think it depends.

If someone's teen was staying up late, falling behind on college and at risk of failing/getting ill from it/were showing signs of a screen addiction etc, I'd think their parents would be pretty crap to just let them get on with it.

If they're just a little tired every so often and not disrupting other people in the house, then it seems like letting them get on with it is a better option.

A 2 year old goes at 10-11 PM,? Was that a typo, did you mean 12?

I don’t ha e bedtime for my 13 year old but if I go on at 11pm and she is still up I will tell her to put her phone down and get to sleep or she’ll be tired tomorrow which she does... so actually I suppose I do have a bedtime, just not hugely strict with it. She had a bed time until around 12.

I wouldn't enforce no phones on my DCs upstairs unless they proved they couldn't be trusted. Certainly not 16 plus. Just no.

Sorry phones downstairs is just wrong, maybe if 12/13 but no older

@Coldwine75

A 2 year old goes at 10-11 PM,? Was that a typo, did you mean 12?

No, not a typo. My 2 year old gets put to bed when she flops. She can keep going until 11pm or beyond. If I tried to put her to bed any earlier, she'd just keep getting out so I've decided it's pointless until she can understand why she needs to stay in bed. She tends to drop off in our bed and then we transfer her to her own room. It works for us.

I have made a no devices until 7pm rule and also will be taken by 11.30pm if still not asleep but my daughter listens to waves and rain on her phone to sleep so will usual be asleep by 11.30pm

@Hallyup6 what does your 17 year old do if not going to college, or have they just finished their A-levels?

@RowanAlong

...and homework 😃

Yeah, so much homework is online and music is on phones so no way could we have a general rule about that. But we leave our phones to charge overnight downstairs and we expect same of DC. It's no more strict than bringing them up to brush their teeth and shower. It becomes a norm, not a top-down rule they kick against.