What age to stop a bedtime? 12? 13? 16?

[Coldwine75]

Just curious, my 17 yr old would sit up all night watching Youtube / Streamers etc , I told her to get her lights out by 11.30- midnight on her college days weekends no time. I think I 'advised' a bedtime until 18 , what are others doing? I worry as dd gets very tired and hard to get going in the mornings.

And if this is a recent issue op, maybe find out what is happening with her? Is she anxious about exams, suffering with friendships or other reasons for being awake?

It sounds like a recent problem, so I would try and find out why she is struggling now. You could run lavender baths in the evening, play spa music and light candles to decompress her CNS, stroke her hair for a while, cuddle up if she is anxious, let her talk out or write out her worries before sleep. Most teens are dealing with a shit load of problems from the pandemic/lockdown, as well as the normal hormonal feelings. Just support her as much as you can. It is such a hard time to be a young teen, I feel for them all.

my 14yo still has a bedtime on school nights. I'm 43 and some nights get sucked into a youtube spiral into the wee small hours, so wouldn't expect a school aged kid to self moderate. If she's not made moves to get ready for bed by 10 I give her a nudge, and lights are always our by 10.30. Fri/Sat/school hols she can do as she pleases.

We all (adults included) leave phones on DND downstairs at night as I think phones in the bedroom are really disruptive. CAn you potentially approach this as a family commitment to getting more and better sleep, so it might feel a little less punitive?

I find this an interesting thread even though I currently only have under 6's.
I havent RTFT but I have seen a few posts where people say it's pointless having bedtimes for teens as they should self-regulate.
My personal experience as a teen who had no bedtime whatsoever from the age of about 11 or 12 was that I absolutely couldn't self regulate and didn't. I stayed up late every night and was shattered every morning.
I remember falling asleep on the school bus every morning and struggling to keep my eyes open in lessons. It was when the internet first started so I was chatting away online for hours but to be honest I would have always found something to keep me up.
I remember a friend had a 9.30 bedtime and I always felt sorry for her but in hindsight she was bright and breezy every day. I just assumed everyone felt dog tired every morning and that was the norm and I think my experience of school really suffered because of it.
Even now I have to really force myself to go to bed as I love staying up, and I STILL wake up knackered each day. I almost wish I had a parent now forcing me into bed at 10 and turning out my light

I think it really depends on the child but I will be enforcing bedtimes for as long as possible and encouraging and banging on about the importance of sleep until my teens get sick to death of hearing it!

@reluctantbrit

DS school was less than 5 minutes walk away so he could get up at 8am and still make it on time.

I left for work at 7am so had to make sure he was able to get up on time from secondary onwards.

Sometimes I go to bed at 9pm and sometimes 1am. I find it odd to expect a 16yr old to be sleep at 10pm every night.

That is because you don't have a successful sleep routine fed if you did you would never make it to midnight much less 1am. Do you work? Do you do sports? Exercise? Have a busy life? Not many people can choose to go to sleep when they want, most need to be up bright and early and functioning in the morning and that usually means going to bed at a decent time.

@Summercocktailsinthesnow

That is because you don't have a successful sleep routine fed if you did you would never make it to midnight much less 1am. Do you work? Do you do sports? Exercise? Have a busy life? Not many people can choose to go to sleep when they want, most need to be up bright and early and functioning in the morning and that usually means going to bed at a decent time.

Yep, 4 kids and a job plus part time student. I've always been lucky with my sleep. Can sleep any time I want, depends what i am doing :)

I am very very jealous! fed

I am permanently knackered with 8 hours sleep, and with just two kids!

@Coldwine75

My dd would flip out if I took her phone , i never would , seems wrong to me.....

No one has phones going to bed in our house, they all stay downstairs at night. DS is nearly 13 and goes to bed at 10ish week days and maybe a bit later at weekends and holidays. DH and I go not much later.

@Summercocktailsinthesnow

What a weak post jackie you can't 'force' anyone to do anything especially not sleep, but if you take away all distractions and make the evening as boring and dull as possible you increase your chances of sleep!

If you leave gadgets and TVs in bedrooms, and you don't encourage sleep hygiene and have a free for all in terms of suggested times for rest and sleep, then you can hardly be surprised that your teen finds it more interesting chatting or gaming to 2am than sleeping.

You either want to parent or you don't. We don't have the option of checking out pf parenting at 16 as there are still two more key years to go before adulthood. I used to read all night sometimes too, I soon learnt some self discipline as I was so tired the next day. Teens learn in the end, but if they are doing exams, in keys years of education we owe it to them to do everything we can to support good sleep practice.

Or you can give up, and let them suffer. Your call.

A weak post? Are you dense or just being obtuse? Do you normally react in such a hostile manner to a simple question?

I grew up in a time with no phones or tablets. I had no tv in my room. Unlike you (clearly) I enjoyed reading so I would read all night.

I made no comment about what I would do with my own children (they’re not at that age yet) I asked what you would do as you literally said I am relaxed in lots of ways, but sleep is non neg in this house.

FWIW I agree with you on removing all distractions. Which is what I do now (and I’ll continue to do). I did mention this in my previous post.

Mine are 16 & 13 and haven’t had a set bedtime for ages, natural consequences work and both are in bed for 10 on school nights

@Coldwine75

A 2 year old goes at 10-11 PM,? Was that a typo, did you mean 12?

My kids always went to bed around that time, they weren’t tired before and would sleep in late. We were definitely more suited to a European way of life where strict 7pm bedtimes are not the norm at alll.

I have a 12 year old with no set bed time, she has always needed less sleep than usual. However, what I’ve found works is me going up to bed earlier than I usually would, (and reading etc) and so she then follows as she doesn’t like being downstairs on her own! A ‘good’ night for her is being asleep by 10.30.

I think I had a bedtime on school nights until I was about 13, or maybe 14 but my mum's opinion after that was that if I was tired in the morning, it was my fault and my responsibility.

No setting and policing bed times after age 16.
You can suggest or advise, that's all.