What age to stop a bedtime? 12? 13? 16?

[Coldwine75]

Just curious, my 17 yr old would sit up all night watching Youtube / Streamers etc , I told her to get her lights out by 11.30- midnight on her college days weekends no time. I think I 'advised' a bedtime until 18 , what are others doing? I worry as dd gets very tired and hard to get going in the mornings.

Sorry Hallyup that is just so wrong

And only on school nights

@Coldwine75

Sorry Hallyup that is just so wrong

Why is it wrong if it works for them?

Oldest DS is 12... I ask that he is off PS4 by 9.30pm, he goes to sleep by 10.15pm.

Im not strict but advise.. I am however strict on get up and be ready for school so he has learnt to regulate his sleep for that.

Friday he is asleep by 11 due to football Saturday mornings. Saturday nights generally he watches Match of the Day before bed.

A 2 year old needs a routine and a bedtime suitable I.e 7PM. For development issues if nothing else.

@PugInTheHouse

If one of my DCs sat on youtube till 2am they would be punished (probably by their devices being removed if they repeatedly did it), I personally don't think that is a reason to not allow them to make some decisions about their bed time though.

They know that if they do not act sensibly with their freedom it gets reigned in. I don't mean a one off mistake (dependant on what it is) as they have to learn but if they consistenly showed they couldn't be trusted then freedom such as bed time decisions would be removed.

Punished?

That's a bit strong, why wouldn't you tell them the benefits of going to bed earlier and the concerns on their health.

Educate them first. Punishing them? That's really concerning.

@Coldwine75

A 2 year old needs a routine and a bedtime suitable I.e 7PM. For development issues if nothing else.

Why 7pm, though?

Google suggests toddlers need 10-12 hours of sleep in 24 hours, including a nap, so why can't the routine be 9pm-7am, or 11pm-9am, with a nap fitted in around that?

In Italy (and I'm sure other European countries), children routinely stay up until 10-11pm and have a longer nap in the afternoons.

It's a very British view that small children to "have to be in bed" by 7pm.

I have a bed time for my 15 year old (10.30 school days, 11 weekends). If I left him to it, sometimes he’d go to bed at 10.30, but other times he’d be gazing at his phone till the early hours, just because crap like Tiktok is so addictive (bit like mumsnet!). He needs his sleep and is utterly vile if he doesn’t get enough. Until he’s mature enough to acknowledge this fact, then I’ll continue to enforce bed times. Sleep is incredibly important for developing brains.

14 and 16 year old DCs self regulate and have for a few years. I might poke my head around the door if I go up at 10.30/11 and their lights are still on and just give a reminder that it's getting late but that's about it. They both get themselves up for school with no issue. I think 14 year old probably stays on her phone chatting to people until midnight some times but as long as she gets up in the morning I leave her to it. Every so often they'll decide they need an early night and will go to sleep at 9.30/10

Works for us

Mine had a week-night bedtime so long as they were at school.

Getting enough sleep is REALLY important for teenagers; for optimum health, physical and brain development , socialisation and education.

DD is nearly 15 and her ‘bedtime’ is when we pack up and go to bed ourselves so 10:45-11. The house is alarmed so no wandering downstairs.

Her phone is also charged in my room overnight to give her a break and a chance to sleep without interruptions by night owl friends. Many of DD’s friends stay up half the night but have crap mental health and emotional issues. I try to teach DD that decent sleep is vital to our health and well being and so far she gets it and agrees. It’s not the only thing to affect MH of course but good sleep patterns certainly help. So in essence she has a bedtime and I take her phone, but it works for us and I’m hoping she’s learnt that it makes her feel better too. She’s quite level headed (despite her teen-ness) and sometimes admits the boundaries make her feel less stressed. Within a couple of years I’ll stop taking her phone and enforcing lights out but I’m hoping I’ll have laid decent foundations for her and she’ll continue to understand that nothings fun when you’re knackered and sleep deprived.

My dd would flip out if I took her phone , i never would , seems wrong to me.....

As long as they’re not daft and getting behind in their studies I let them set their own bedtimes. I don’t go to bed at the exact same time every night so I don’t expect a teen too.

Interestingly though all of my older three told their friends that phones were banned upstairs in our house long after we’d dropped that rule for them. Apparently at 16/17 it’s much less hassle to roll your eyes and blame your mum than to tell your mates you don’t want to hear their texts and Snapchat’s at 3am

We had bedtimes of a sort until just after 14 and then everything changed and I just stopped worrying about it. He does get a bit pale if he overdoes it but at 17 I just say that to him and suggests he leaves his phone downstairs for a night or two until he feels better.

My 15 year old still has a "bedtime", but it's more a "get off the gaming computer and go up to your bedroom time" really - there's no policing of lights off etc. This is necessary as his gaming computer is in the room (not his bedroom) next to our bedroom, and he'd literally be on it til 2 am every day if we didn't direct him to some point, and no-one would get any sleep plus its fairly obvious he can't yet manage himself in this regard. Older DC managed herself fairly well, and didn't need the same level of direction. We asked her to bring her phone down before going to bed up until she was around 15, but after that we pretty much left her to self manage, and she'd generally put herself to bed by around 10 during the week, maybe 12 at weekends.

@Coldwine75

Sorry phones downstairs is just wrong, maybe if 12/13 but no older

Lol, the oracle has spoken everyone. Change the system that works for you, it's wrong 😂😂😂

Not a chance will my dds be having their phones all night at 13/14.

Around 12 or 13. I think it’s really important for kids to learn to self-regulate. That may result in some nights staying up far too late, of course. And I can imagine some situations where a parent would need to step in. But in general, I would not impose a bedtime on a teen.

My opinon?

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@Hallyup6 what does your 17 year old do if not going to college, or have they just finished their A-levels?[/quote]
She's autistic and out of education. She should be year 12 but hasn't been to school full time since year 10. Not great, but the local authority have basically said they can't provide anything for her. Believe me, I've tried.

Really Hallyup thats terrible, she should have some support?

Yes I agree with @PugInTheHouse and this is an odd one on MN (and so maybe in RL).

Mine never had a bedtime once they were about 12/13. If I went to be at midnight (which I often do) and a 14yo was still up and had school the next day, I would suggest it was time to go to bed. Beyond that, no. DS2 in particular is very good, he goes to bed at about 10pm if he needs to be up the next day (school, footy match). He is 18 but has been like that for a while.

I am always amazed at 9pm bedtimes for 13yos which do come up - all of mine had activities beyond that time at that age - Scouts was till 9.30, panto till 9pm, Guides till 9pm, footy training was 8-9pm for ds2 from aged 15, DD was in a couple of shows where the rehearsals went on till 10pm (you had to be 13). They would need a snack and a bit of chill time even after they were home.

Anyway agree, they do need to learn to self regulate - and they soon will.

Wrong for you, perhaps, but like I said, it works for us. She sleeps until 8:30am which means that I can sort my other children out for school, and I don't spend all my evening returning her to bed. She's just turned two, she doesn't have any concept of needing to sleep for her brain development. If she's not tired, no amount of taking her back to bed will make her understand why she's being left in the dark by herself. It'll just stress me out, she'll get upset, and it'll mean I spend less time with my other children. I've done it with all my children (I've also never put a child down for a set naptime, shock horror) and they have no development issues related to their bedtime.

@MAMAW31 oh for goodness sake, there is nothing concerning about it. Punished could be anything from a talking to, to taking away a device. They don't get beaten or anything. Possibly the wrong wording to say punished but my point is not to not allow them freedom but to allow them to learn from mistakes and let them earn your trust rather than just ban them from doing anything until they are 18.

My eldest is nearly 12. She goes up and showers etc from 8.45 ish. She is usually in bed by 9.15/30 - I go in say goodnight and tell her just to read a little bit not too long. I leave turning her light out to her (obv we check when we go up at 11 that she is asleep and she always is!)

So she kind of has a bedtime in the sense that she has to go up round about 8.45/9 but then some latitude after that.

@Hallyup6

Wrong for you, perhaps, but like I said, it works for us. She sleeps until 8:30am which means that I can sort my other children out for school, and I don't spend all my evening returning her to bed. She's just turned two, she doesn't have any concept of needing to sleep for her brain development. If she's not tired, no amount of taking her back to bed will make her understand why she's being left in the dark by herself. It'll just stress me out, she'll get upset, and it'll mean I spend less time with my other children. I've done it with all my children (I've also never put a child down for a set naptime, shock horror) and they have no development issues related to their bedtime.

Ok but i was under the impression a 2 year old needs 12 hours sleep at night but could be wrong. It seems unorthodox to me but each to their own !