What age to stop a bedtime? 12? 13? 16?

[Coldwine75]

Just curious, my 17 yr old would sit up all night watching Youtube / Streamers etc , I told her to get her lights out by 11.30- midnight on her college days weekends no time. I think I 'advised' a bedtime until 18 , what are others doing? I worry as dd gets very tired and hard to get going in the mornings.

I stopped bed times at 14 for weekends and 15 for week nights. Providing they can get up by 7.30am for school - one day of not getting up on time = a 10pm bed time for a month.

My lads were pretty good in their teenage years 14/15 going up 8 or 9 ish if not before to play their game or watch tv etc I always encouraged lights out 11/11.30 ish
My youngest is 17 almost 18 and I have had to be a bit strict at times when he’s still gaming or chatting at midnight or past midnight but I’ve always tried not to let it turn into a battle x

@RestUp

I stopped bed times at 14 for weekends and 15 for week nights. Providing they can get up by 7.30am for school - one day of not getting up on time = a 10pm bed time for a month.

Blimey that's harsh? We all over sleep or have a bad morning sometimes?

I would say 15 and when gcses and compulsory school is finished with.

week nights ^

I wouldn’t let the 16 year old stay up too late during term time and he’s pretty good as he has to get up at 7.00, but he can do what he wants in holidays. Stays up past midnight and sleeps in in holiday time

@Coldwine75

Sorry phones downstairs is just wrong, maybe if 12/13 but no older

Do not agree. My DD is 12 and no way will she be taking her phone to bed anytime soon. I see what some class mates get up to on their phones at 1am /2am /3am. No thanks

We relaxed at around 15 as, here that’s when they play U16 level sports so practice often doesn’t finish until 10pm. With all of my kids, they’ve learned to self regulate pretty quickly as they have to be up early for school. Younger than that, we were a no phones in your room at night family, and that still applies to DH and I. We sleep better that way.

Ds is 15 and has 10pm. If any later he is so tired his attitude shines and treats me like shit.
11pm weekends.
.every so often we allow later then a few days later I get a day of hell..

My 13yo enjoys 'parenting' himself. He has his own bedtime routine - shower at 9.30/10pm, pops in to tell us something he's interested in then goes off to bed. Occasionally, if I can hear him still awake after 11pm, I'll remind him to go to bed.

He also gets himself up and oversees all of that. I am aware he is an unusual child in that regard

After 15 I advise but don't enforce.

However, I have two other dc and I can already see that dc7 will need 'bedtimes' for a long time, possibly forever 😂

Op at sixteen if you have done a good job in teaching your child the downsides of using gadgets and phones at bed time over a period of years, the benefits of a full night sleep etc. If you have not reached that moment by 15/16 then you may need to continue for a little while longer - gently advising and phones downstairs should continue. My teens do it naturally now and do so when we are not here. Once that they get to 17/18 you really can not be enforcing anything, beyond a quick chat about the consequences. That is why an early and solid routine and rules are good whilst they are young, you have no hope after sixteen.

@Summercocktailsinthesnow

Op at sixteen if you have done a good job in teaching your child the downsides of using gadgets and phones at bed time over a period of years, the benefits of a full night sleep etc. If you have not reached that moment by 15/16 then you may need to continue for a little while longer - gently advising and phones downstairs should continue. My teens do it naturally now and do so when we are not here. Once that they get to 17/18 you really can not be enforcing anything, beyond a quick chat about the consequences. That is why an early and solid routine and rules are good whilst they are young, you have no hope after sixteen.

This is hilarious!

You can instil all the good habits you want, but sometimes personality takes over.

I’m talking about myself here. I didn’t have a mobile till I was 18, but I would read under the covers allllll frigging night with a torch if I could, and I still go to bed far too late as I’m ‘busy’ watching a film or reading. For me, it’s pure FOMO - which is as ridiculous as it sounds I know!

I was brought up with a solid routine, and my parents were sensible about bedtimes (I.e. knew they had an early start so would be in bed before midnight) but it’s just never welded to me. I’m nearly 40 now, not sure I can change now!

@Coldwine75 we had a similar situation with DSS when he was about the same age. It was a case of - I’m not letting stay home from college because you’ve been up all night, if you’re old enough to be trusted to make your own bedtime then you’re old enough to take the consequence when you’re knackered the next day. There were a few instances of playing Xbox through the night but as an adult he’s pretty good at regulating himself.

My Y7 boys are still amenable to proper bedtimes and get themselves up in the morning so I’ll be continuing for as long as they’ll let me. Phones and tablets come downstairs before bed and we try and exercise good sleep hygiene for at least half an hour. With varying degrees of success . In your case, I’d probably knock and remind her she has an early morning and then leave her to it - even though when my mum did this it gave me the rage! God I was a brat.

We have been thinking about this recently but not there yet, our plan is some family house rules that we all adhere to. E.g phones and computers charging downstairs, bed by midnight on a weeknight and up by midday on weekends. Something to discuss.
Things that are healthy habits for a 17 year old are probably healthy for everyone.

Yes hilarious i agree, if only it was that simple. I advised dd to settle down last night by 11.30 , I have no idea as Im asleep by then, again she was grumpy and tired this morning, what can I do? Hopefully she will learn............

It is not really hilarious is it. Lack of sleep is linked to obesity, health problems, mental health issues, behaviour and compromised education attainment. So perhaps run through that hilarious list of downsides and leave it with her.

If she is 16 there is not much you can do beyond turning off the wifi and ensuring it stays turned off, take her gadgets in your room and let her spend a few hours reading if that is what she wants to do. She will probably get bored and fall asleep.

I am relaxed in lots of ways, but sleep is non neg in this house.

How do you force your teens to sleep though @Summercocktailsinthesnow?

Great if your kids are biddable, but as I said in my post, I would have just stayed up all night reading. I still do sometimes.

This is an interesting question. At 16, your kids will argue that they are adults. This is legally true, but from 16-19 my view is that this is a dangerous age where young adults are able to do lots of things, but do not necessarily have the emotional maturity or in some cases common sense to cope well. I "advised" on bed times often, and occasionally insisted, and I would insist on knowing what time they would be back if going out. Otherwise prior to this, I would focus on enabling them to make good decisions for their own physical and mental health and safety. Letting go in a scary world can be hard for a mother, but we all have to do it.

@RestUp

I stopped bed times at 14 for weekends and 15 for week nights. Providing they can get up by 7.30am for school - one day of not getting up on time = a 10pm bed time for a month.

Getting up at 7.30am? DD needs to leave the house by then.

She is up at 6.30am to shower, dress, breakfast with us and making lunch.

It's unclear what you want from this thread op.

On the one hand you're asking 'what can I do' to stop your dd being tired.

Posters are telling you what they do, and for those whose dc aren't tired, it's mostly involved being stricter younger, no phones, establishing boundaries etc

Ok the horse may have already bolted, but to these suggestions your responses have been 'thats hilarious' 'that's just wrong' etc etc

It's simple. Enforce some rules, and no tired dc, or don't.

Children are legally adults at 18 not 16.

Agree that until then it is a parent’s role to parent risking unpopularity if necessary by setting, reiterating and enforcing rules that are proportionate to the child’s age.

What a weak post jackie you can't 'force' anyone to do anything especially not sleep, but if you take away all distractions and make the evening as boring and dull as possible you increase your chances of sleep!

If you leave gadgets and TVs in bedrooms, and you don't encourage sleep hygiene and have a free for all in terms of suggested times for rest and sleep, then you can hardly be surprised that your teen finds it more interesting chatting or gaming to 2am than sleeping.

You either want to parent or you don't. We don't have the option of checking out pf parenting at 16 as there are still two more key years to go before adulthood. I used to read all night sometimes too, I soon learnt some self discipline as I was so tired the next day. Teens learn in the end, but if they are doing exams, in keys years of education we owe it to them to do everything we can to support good sleep practice.

Or you can give up, and let them suffer. Your call.

Well said @arethereanyleftatall

I remember being 14 when Mum stopped giving me a bedtime. For the first 2 weeks I was staying up to all kinds of crazy times, but then learned very quickly that being knackered for school was no fun so self regulated. Now as an adult if I can be asleep by 9pm I'm super happy

My eldest is 12yo and she has a 9pm bedtime. She currently shares a bedroom with her younger sister so cant exactly sit up on her phone, and we do have a phones/computers/consoles etc remain downstairs so she will read in bed till 9.30-10pm.

I dont know that i'll ever just let her stare at a phone/tv till goodness knows what time whilst she is still in education as I feel I still have the responsibility to instil good habits in to my kids for the benefit of their future. Once she's left school and is off working or Uni etc she can do whatever she wants as an adult.