To make him do his own laundry?

[BrutusMcDogface]

I know these threads are done to death, but I’m so frustrated I just need to vent (and some validation?!)

We have four kids. We both work full time but I do more hours than him, including working in the evenings. He does the childminder runs and does the kitchen a few evenings a week (not every day!) I do everything else.

He has a hobby that he also does most days (yes, that’s right. Pretty much every day in some shape or form. Today he’s out most of the day doing it).

So, I know I’m not being u but “ltb” is easier said than done. Trying to claw back something and I think he can start doing his own laundry while I do mine and the kids’.

Quite frankly, if I hear him ask if he has any clean tops/pants/socks one more time, I might have to kill him.

Pottedpalm, you still keep missing the point! It’s not just about laundry. You do the laundry; your husband does other jobs. It’s not the same as doing the laundry PLUS all the other jobs, while your partner swans off enjoying himself.

The key here is to stop doing things that directly affect him. I've learnt this, DP doesn't give a toss until it directly affects him. So if the kids don't have something, not a problem, because it doesn't affect him.

The next thing to be careful of is that he doesn't just rope the children into doing chores and they are just his chores, so he still does bugger all. Make sure the children share in chores that affect you first and foremost.

Laundry is a good starting point however things like if his family comes to stay, let him take the lead - organise bed, organise food, entertainment etc, don't do any birthday/christmas stuff. This isn't mean it's just ensuring that you don't do everything - why wouldn't he do this stuff.

Lastly, there are jobs and there are jobs. Putting the bins out once a week and cutting the lawn (once a week in summer, never in winter) are infrequent easy jobs, that's why men chose them. This is not the same as cleaning, laundry, cooking, childrens stuff EVERY day.

Oh and one last thing. Learn to not give a f*ck. There is a societal issue around expecting women to do this stuff, I don't care about that at all. I prioritise myself and my children. My DP prioritises himself as, unfortunately, I didn't choose very well.

It is different though, unless you all shop individually for your own food and cook your own meals? Wash only the dished you have used?
DH looked after himself perfectly well whilst at uni and living in his own flat. Once we married we became one household and combined the cooking/washing etc. It seems really strange to me that you wouldn’t wash the clothes all together.

And I find it strange that people can't understand that people might do things differently to them. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It works for us. We each have our own laundry baskets and we wash clothes on our own schedules. I do a lot of exercise so need to do laundry more frequently. It's just how we do things- it's not strange, wrong or mean spirited.