Rude not to open messages

[BrilliantBetty]

Probably am being U.

But I have a couple of friends, one lives down the road, who on several occasions don't open messages from me. I can see that they were active on Watsapp but didn't open my message. Sometimes for a long time. Or don't reply at all and just message me if they want something after a while.

One of these friends I saw in the street last week. I'd messaged her a few weeks ago (left unopened). Very very friendly in person, invited me round and was generally lovely.
I then messaged to say nice to see her and should we try the new coffee shop that's opened round the corner sometime. No reply, not even opened. She's on her phone all the time. Surely she'd have time to open a message in a week.

This is me. I just don’t have the head space to engage in polite chit chat.

I’ve got an unopened message in my inbox now but don’t want to open it as I know it will cause conversation I just can’t be arsed with.

My best friend has been messaging me tonight and I’ve forced myself to respond because I love her.

Don’t take it personally. People have shit on.

I do this sometimes, it’s usually when I’m too exhausted to deal with responding. She may have done the standard ‘we need to meet up’ thing in person to avoid awkwardness but actually doesn’t want to meet up.

I've a couple of unread messages on WhatsApp, I'll read them at some point if I remember. If it was important, they should have used their phone to call me.

I only answer messages when I’ve got the mental headspace and energy

It’s just rudeness, I had a friend that would instigate messages , I’d reply with a clear question , she would read it ( 2 blue ticks) and not reply ! I’d be sitting there waiting for a reply and then nothing for about a week and then she would answer.
I think it some kind of power thing , she’s retired and she started the messages so don’t tell me she’s not in the right headspace whatever that means. Really if your reading messages bloody answer them .
Oh and eventually got fed up so sent her message saying why does she do this and now I’m blocking you . She read the message but couldn’t answer 🤷‍♀️

I rarely answer my messages immediately, unless it's something important. Especially if from work colleagues.

Sometimes you see the message in the notification, you don't need to read it too

@Birthdaygirl1210

It’s just rudeness, I had a friend that would instigate messages , I’d reply with a clear question , she would read it ( 2 blue ticks) and not reply ! I’d be sitting there waiting for a reply and then nothing for about a week and then she would answer. I think it some kind of power thing , she’s retired and she started the messages so don’t tell me she’s not in the right headspace whatever that means. Really if your reading messages bloody answer them . Oh and eventually got fed up so sent her message saying why does she do this and now I’m blocking you . She read the message but couldn’t answer 🤷‍♀️

Why should she immediately answer though?

I have switched off my WhatsApp notifications so I have to remember to go in and check. I've missed loads of stuff that way. Can you send her a proper text/iMessage instead?

@Gemma2019

I'm currently sitting on three WhatsApp messages from friends/acquaintances which I haven't opened as I haven't got the headspace to reply to them and get into a back and forth chat. I feel guilty about it, although my last seen is hidden so hopefully it doesn't look really bad.

These are all really lovely people, nothing bad to say about them at all, and if I run into them I am happy to see them. But I'm swamped with work, home and general life lately and struggle to add extra stuff to the pile.

Yes to this. Some days, reading messages and knowing you'll have to reply to them is just one more chore. I'll often leave it a few days to reply, not out of rudeness but I'll do it when I feel like it. Someone said to me recently 'you didn't reply to my FB message for X days'. It wasn't a message containing anything of importance, or anything which required an urgent reply. Tbh work is for deadlines, chit chat phone messages aren't. Of course if a friend or family member actually needed my urgent attention, I'd be there like a shot, but answering WhatsApp messages to someone else's timescale isn't a priority.

I have a friend whose phone doesn't stop pinging. She has thousands of unread messages. The amount of stuff coming to people's phones is crazy. It might be that her phone is just overloaded with so much stuff or it might be that she doesn't like you that much. Impossible to judge.

I wouldn't have a clue about this particular case, but don't rely on whatsapp so much any more ever since I saw that a friend of mine gets about 300 messages a day and then my dd seems to get a similar amount. So no wonder some people don't end up reading every single message they get.

Takes me days to reply to messages. I didn’t use or even look at my phone during the day. Unless you’re a teenager you are being unreasonable to get worked up about it.

This thread has just reminded me that I didn't reply to a friend earlier - the WhatsApp notification popped up on my smart watch when I was at work and I knew I wouldn't have time to respond on my break so planned to leave the notification on my phone as unread so I would see it when I got home.

On my break I accidentally cleared the notification when I was clearing all the other notifications that had come in during my shift but since I didn't have time to reply I didn't want to go into the WhatsApp chat and have my friend see I had read the message and think I had chosen not to reply.

I got home an hour ago and had intended to reply after work but I totally forgot without the notification and now it's 1am and I have just remembered. I don't want to reply at this hour because I know my friend will be in bed but doesn't turn her phone off so don't want to risk waking her as I know she will then want to stay up and chat, and I am tired from work, so I'll message in the morning, providing I remember

At a guess she's read it when it's flashed up on preview and forgotten about it - I do that quite a lot. Mainly because I have a small baby, 2 other kids and lots of pets to look after - she may well be busy or forgetful or just struggling at the moment .
I wouldn't end a friendship over it - give her a ring and just ask if everything is ok as you didn't hear back from her. You never know if someone needs a friend.
If she just isn't that bothered about the friendship and fobs you off I wouldn't fall out with her but prioritise other people .

Messages that I don't yet want to respond to , I don't open

@Gemma2019

Your posts are the first time I've ever wanted a Like button on here.

You are describing me. I have ADHD as well so chatting shit on here is easy. Actually engaging with humans I know? Aarrrrgggghhhhh.

YANBU.

People will give you every excuse under the sun, as to why they do not look at messages, it's bollocks. They do not want to respond, as it involves committing to a plan ie day/time/place. Most people cannot be arsed with this.

So OP, yes next time they whatsapp, give them the same rubber ear they gave you, if that makes you a 9 year old then fabulous

I leave messages unread until I have time to respond properly and to the follow up messages. Sometimes I forget about the message once I've seen it and reply days later, hopefully my friends will judge me on my real life interactions with them not social media.
I would base your friendship on how your friend is face to face and if your message is important maybe ring them?

I don't think it means anything really. I know people who don't seem to use their wattsapp but they do reply to texts. Some people are flaky in real life and they are the same on line. Sometimes people are busy , distracted what ever. I sometimes don't want to get into conversation. My grown up children don't reply unless there is a question with a question mark. I don't think you can let these things get to you, just take it as it comes.

I’m beginning to get overwhelmed by whatsapp, it never used to be the case but now there are endless work chats too that mean you can’t avoid it and have to open the app and therefore shows you as being obline. I often leave some (important) messages unread so it attracts my attention like a to do list for when I have the headspace to reply e.g. to a friend wanting advice or wanting to nail a date for coffee. Increasingly see my friends take ages to reply to me too and they tell me they do the same but it doesn’t bother me they don’t reply. It used to be for quick fire replies but now I think has turned

I agree with you. A few weeks back someone messaged me complaining about someone, went backwards and forwards for ages chatting.
A.few days later i messaged her about something and she's ignored it. I'll be doing the same the next time she needs to talk.

I might be one of your friends. I often see messages on my screen so won't bother to open them if they don't need a reply, or do but I don't have time in which case I'll leave it til later as if I open it at the time and don't reply I'll forget. Not everyone is a big texter

She may not have seen it. I often miss messages on what's app as I don't get notifications. My kids video call me via what's app though so it may look like I'm active

Also this. Not is can often get missed and dd uses what's app to call so I can appear online without opening the app

Does she eventually respond?

My dad was complaining that his brother replies the minute he sends a message or email and it just gets a bit overwhelming. He would prefer a few days between messages for a more naturally paced communication. So, now he sits on the messages.

if I were the OP, next time I saw her I'd ask if she saw her message and see how she reacts.